Saturday, August 15, 2009

Why I Love Him

My friend asked me during my "break" with Trevor why I love him. I never really gave him a full on answer. I will tell you guys why.

He is just as real as I am. Though I'm brutally honest, I am honest in a kind way. He is honest regardless. He has always made me smile in the last 8 years and a half every time I'm with him. It has only been this last month or so, that he hasn't. To me, he's the greatest hockey player I know. Even after so long, there were the kisses that just felt like they were the same as the ones that we had when we started dating. His lips would just make my heart melt. My head fits perfectly on his shoulder when I lay beside him. When I see him with his baby cousins, I think about how great of a father he's going to be. I've fallen in love with his family. When he smiles flashing his teeth, I always wish my eyes were like a camera to capture it as a photo. On our first date I fell in love with him from his profile, I simply stared at it and thought to myself...WOW. His big nose is the opposite of mine, just like our butts. To me he has a sexy athletic body. He can stand on his own in a fight. He's Goofy at times and I adore that. He always sings with a funny voice. I'd make him noodles and I loved watching him eat them like they were the best thing on earth. He likes to eat almost everything I eat and sometimes eats what I don't. I can describe something and he would know who or what I'm talking about. Sometimes we can just talk with our eyes. Sometimes he just serves me tough love, even when all I need is his love. Introducing him to new things he welcomes them. When he wraps his arms around me, I feel SO safe. He's a hard worker and I never mind helping him relax. Long or short hair, UGHH he looks good with both ( kind of miss his spiky hair ). His stubble, he just always seem to have it. Sometimes he makes me feel like a schoolgirl again. How he would always hold the door for me, or sometimes carry my hockey sticks. The Love was great. He's a part of me that I could never be... and he reflected that, and I always thought that we balanced because there are parts of him that I reflected. I can go on... but I'd take forever as I pause to constantly wipe my tears.

Though we had been together for a long time there are things that make us very different. I have always loved those differences. But some just need growth.

Though I still live at home, I'm personally very independent. I do my own laundry, fold my own clothes, put them away. Clean. Cook, Bake, Work, Pay Bills. My parents don't baby me. Though I still stay in the nest. I live as if I were on my own. Almost every stick of furniture in my bedroom was paid by me. Even some of the furniture around the house. I do renovations when needed with my brother. Not relying and waiting for the parents to do them. I've spent a couple of years cleaning up after someone I should never have and only the last couple of years I've truly lived for me and I continue to. To better myself. My relationships, my well being. I'll be honest to say I'm not in the best of health. Though I've been working out and getting back in shape there is a reoccurring health issue that keeps coming and going and I've seriously come to realize I have to get checked out. Yet I am embarrassed and so afraid to. It can be very minor or very serious. This is one of the main reasons I started this blog. Doing it now on my own scares me so much. I've always had Trevor as my clutch, my strongest support system (next to my sister) but that's gone now. I always think of the possibilities. Life is too short for me not to take risks and chances and make changes. I not only want to laugh and be happy, I want those I know and love to be happy and smile. I want to share with the world my art and me. I want to grow with him, but he's no longer here.

Personally I believe he needs to grow. He is independent only to an extent. He may have his own car, his job. I feel like he's a dragon that lives in a cage that has keepers. He's able to fly in and out of the cage freely, but he's become so comfortable there he's happy. But is he really? I'm the little bird that's always kept him company. I freely fly in and out between the bars and constantly asks him to fly and be with me in the sky. Your cage now seems to have grown too small for you, that even I can no longer fly in and out of.

So Little Time, Too Many Tears.
Goodbye. Good night, Good morning.
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