Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My 101th Post

LOL... This is going to be a fun one. Well I just found this right after my birthday is really a bonus! It makes me laugh. This is my sense of humor. Hilarious. Life can just throw anything at you. Thanks God.
Half-Birthday Sex Song _ By: College Humor

Since I feel like my 26th year is going to be a great one... I just decided to look at what the horoscope for my 2009 year was. And you know what... DEAD ON.
2009 Libra Horoscope Overview | In Love | In Career

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Happy 26th Birthday =)

I filmed this this morning after a lecture from my dad saying that I have to sort my life out. That I should as a woman take care of the house hold and chores ( you know the traditional way of thinking ) and still hold down my job and paint and do all that JAZZ. Anyways. I took a shower, refreshed myself and know what I'm working on. As for him he has no clues of my goals, my dreams, my online adventures. I haven't even told him of my health issue and concern and have decided to do so after a full check up. Enough about that. I re-collected myself and filmed away with Cousin LX at my side falling a sleep. She's a weakling when it comes to the game of *deep action voice* NO SLEEP and FUNCTION..LOL.

Sze* The bro, just came in to my room and gave me the first Birthday Present of this year.

But today is going to be a chill and fun day. But right now I gotta do laundry and mop the floor before heading out for my DAY OUT. =)
*addition added : 12:00am*
As I get ready to go out, I'm trying out pants and to my surprise I fit my old pair of favorite Ecko Red Jeans and I look more fabulous in them than before.I headed out to Metro with Cousin LX. We hit up Futureshop so I exchange the microphone I bought from there for a new one cause the last one ended up starting to rattle when I shake it cause something came loose. It was an awesome Mic so I just exchanged it. Did some little errand and went to Silver City to watch a movie. We ended up watching something light... different_ The Informant. I was thinking of Inglorious Bastards but didn't feel like blood and stuff today. We ate some chicken strips there and got our free popcorn and drinks. Watched the movie and made our way home after that. Everyone told me it was raining heavily today, so I carried an umbrella the whole day with me without even having to use it. Fantastic.

Oh here is a pin I got for donating 2 dollars to a charity at the Theaters when I purchased the tickets. I'm very thoughtful ... giving on my birthday...hey what can I say...I believe in karma. My dad also gives me a small gift he got that I thought was cool when I saw it. Chromed chop sticks...aluminum? stainless steel? I really don't know but its good that I can twist it apart put it in a carrying case and place it in my purse to go.

Late night rolls around and Chris* ( Godbro ) and two of his friend come to get me for late night dinner. On our way to Denny's their playing around in the car with their special little hooked up system of imitating T-Pains voice on auto-tune. We stop at a red light and randomly hear from the next car... "You've been deep throating all month..." was it month.. or week??? I can't remember one of those two. How weird is that to hear when you're sitting in a car with three other guys. Anyhow we get the Denny's and get 2 of our 4 meals taken off our bill cause two of us share the same Birthday. We get a server who is super nice and awesome. They even sang us Happy Birthday to me and Chris, but of course they couldn't pronounce my name... and I got SNAY at one point... Nothing but laughs tonight. It was all good. me and my three little hamburgers and onion rings and ice tea. a little iphone club. meeting new friends. chatting it up late night till 11:00-ish before heading home.

It's this weird this feeling I have ... am I at Zero? is this what pure unknown happiness is. I feel loved without a lover, I smile at simple thoughts of nothing. That feeling that everything is going to be OK. I'm where I was always meant to be, where I'm going should be in the hands of God and that I should trust him cause he will show me the signs. I just have to keep my eyes open. Then and only then I will feel it's right and I will See, Think and Do.

Monday, September 28, 2009

A Day Of Confession

I confessed a few things to a few people today. It's my last day till I turn another year older. I want to be wiser. Better. Filled with no regrets of having not said what is in my heart to the ones that I have been meaning to say them to. I even cried during one of my confessions. Without even knowing why. A pure emotional mystery. But I feel better for it. I strongly believe in saying what you feel, what you think. If you aren't honest with yourself, your heart just builds regret. I love myself too much to live a life of lies and I have to learn love myself enough not to allow others to break me. I'm told that I am at a great point in my life to re-evaluate and structure my life and that is exactly what I am doing. I'm making lists more and more so I don't forget what I'm striving for and looking for.

I'm going to be honest I'm looking forward to this new chapter in my life. I'm smiling thinking about it. I'm ready to read it / write it. Let it be something that leads to greatness in my own right. May it be filled with happiness and joy and most of all one that is filled with love. For myself, my family, friends and the world.
Goals In Life | Search In Love

Here are two lists I'd probably be updating all the time... but this is what I have for now. I'm re-evaluating what I want out of and in life. I'm preparing to film tonight to reveal to the world a little bit more about me.

I need to be this girl.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Visit To Buntzen Lake

Ended up visiting a new park today that was all the way in Port Moody. It's beautiful there, I think a chinese movie that I saw once that was filmed out of Vancouver filmed part of that movie there. It's gorgeous. Where you can Canoe, Swim, Bring your dog to enjoy and socialize. On our way there Joey Dog just wanted to be where I was sitting, he wanted to enjoy the wind in his hair, I did however roll down the window once and a while for him to enjoy this from the back seat / trunk area. For a little dog he's quiet heavy and at one point was crushing my right shoulder. As we walked around Buntzen Lake Park we saw a giant cut tree trunk which had another tree growing out of it. How strangly inspiring. The Park is beautiful, I can only imagine how beautiful it would be when you watch the sun rise / set there.

We were supposed to go bowling tonight to celebrate / do something for my birthday but everyone's a bit tired out and I'm kinda bummed about it. Cause I'm not tired at all. I guess I'll just chill out for the rest of the day and enjoy the evening.

They Were My Kids

I thought they were our kids that I saw in my dream. But I realized a few weeks back that you were never in the dream. I was with them in the kitchen, making them laugh as I had slipped on a pair of daddy's sweat pants. They were my kids. They were beautiful boys, giggling as they were eating breakfast as I did the MC Hammer dance for them. How I wish I get to see their faces one day.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

What A Boring Sat

Lounged today which was nice after having a busy last two days.
Talked to B. which was nice. Chatted through to blog to some people.
Enjoyed outside fresh air by going on another 4.8k run =)

Got a "hey what's up." and a honk. LOL. ahhh fun. I said to cousin LX if we should cause some accidents. Flash a boob... nonono, just kidding. I'm a good girl.

Friday, September 25, 2009

What?? 115lbs?!

I had the best sleep I've had in ages. I figured out that Mr.CC gets upset and starts getting uneasy just as I turn off the lights and hop into bed. SO, noticing that I go and leave the lights on and my bedroom door open. He slept like a baby and so did I. I wake up this morning stepped on the scale and saw 115 lbs.
If I maintained that through out today. I have no idea. But it's about time I jot down my final outcome pics.

You know you're day starts out great when you catch a good looking white guy checking you out. You blond hair blue eyes guys... *sucker* ... anyways. Work downtown today was just work... a list of things to do and then of course the unexpected news releases come in, the clients calls. The boss is out of town. But Nothing I can't handle. =) As I try my best with everything. I work a bit over time and take off to meet up with the sister at the skytrain station. As I wait for her at Rupert a young white guy walks by me checking me as well. He walks by and returns asking if I was looking for someone. He's holding a 6pack, and sways as he walks and he's holding one can opened in his hand. I'm wondering to myself..."Is this guy drunk?" I tell him I'm waiting for a ride and he carries on on his way. Swaying as he crosses the road. He was buzzed or something. My sissy comes and we head off the Superstore to pick up food that was supposed to be for dinner did not end up getting eaten. On our way to her house to pick up her fiance, we hit a traffic jam on the highway. We get to where the accident happened and we follow a fire truck that is driving away from the scene as they just cleared it. They change lanes and Lan is speeding up the highway. She tells me to wave at the firemen as we drive pass by them, as she says this I'm already locking eyes with one of the firemen. What's funny is that HE starts to wave at me and I smile and I wave back. Ugh... HOT! Me and Lan have a great laugh about it on the way home. As dad keeps calling to see where we are to come home for dinner. We make it home to see dinner is cooked and Lan's Curry and Naan bread has to be made and tasted some other time. Mr.CC gets his butt shaved today and sadly has to wear diapers inside too. =( poor baby.

Weight Loss Story: I started at 135+ pounds ( maybe perhaps 140 lbs I don't remember )in July 31, 2009... Today: Sept 25, 2009 I've reached my goal of losing weight and reaching 115lbs. =)


Here are some pics of me before. Believe me people when I say I used to be fat. I used to be a fat kid. Somewhere between grade 4-6 it looks like I ate someone and ballooned. I kinda grew out of it and in the summer before going into grade 10 I worked out for the whole summer dropping to 87pounds, I lost 20 pounds. Now I did the same thing then, but now I'm older. And the transition in these pics is. one is from a little over two years ago same month. the second one was taken in April of 2009. The Third one was taken June of this year, look how disgustingly fat I look it's just gross now that I look at it and how I even let myself get to that point of unhealthy balance. The fourth was in the midst of losing weight. Remember Is started at 135+, heck I was probably at 140 lbs. I kid you not. I didn't notice how much my weight seemed to fluctuate till now. Good or bad, I have no idea.


I just took these not too long ago.. as in.. TODAY. I love this top. I got it a while ago cause I thought it was fab. but I had too much flab to wear it before. Now tell me... doesn't it look great?! now that I'm 115???!!! LOL. Enjoy people.. my full body shot since losing 20+ pounds. =) I'm in better shape then when I graduated high school. I was 120 when I graduated.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Negative Two

I was fine yesterday when the night ended and I went to sleep.
This morning waking up at 5am by Mr.CC is not cool... NOT COOL. I'm not feeling the best today. One thing is that I broke diet most of this month because I was feeling a bit weak from hardly any meat and rice and what not in my diet. My mistake. Health issue comes back and scares me back inline to follow the diet. I spend the rest of the day in annoying pain. The diet is really is for my own good. It's more liquids, fruits and veggies for me. Even though I love .... food....meat.

Updated RanRan through email today about *dramatic voice* "The Days of Our Lives" , I miss her...I finish work early today and head to The AI portfolio show. Hardly anyone was by their tables. I had no one to grill, hardly anyone to scout. I felt like it was a waste of my time. But it was nice to see Shea again and the security guys. AHH AI, I hate to say I lived on the stress you gave me...Is that strange to say? But I don't miss it all that much.

I come home and I have to play mommy. I'm tired. Have a headache and it's back downtown tomorrow for me.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Return to Zero

I worked today unexpectedly at home for downtown and then some graphic design work to help Sebastian out who I haven't spoke to since... last year? Any how I caught up with some old friends online. Which was nice. Also ended up going to a last minute meeting with Sundeep picking me up at my house. I don't know why but our meetings always leave me feeling refreshed. Our meetings are never all about business which is nice. It's a realignment of goals. I don't think I could work with anyone else as well as I do with Sundeep who just seems to flowing on the same wavelength as me right now. Our train of thought and views on creativity, positivity and direction are parallel. It's the only reason I want to build and help make Desi Method to become something great.

My new video is up. No high pitch sounds coming from the camera since I synced the new microphone that I got to the comp. How old do I look??? Since I've been getting asked how old I am. And if I'm single. I decided to play this game since my birthday is coming up.

People are asked to put how old they think I look, and guess how old I am turning and a question. if they get the guess right of how old I'm turning. I may answer their question.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Was Supposed To

I was supposed to film today, but I didn't.
Ended up vacuuming the dog hair out of my carpet and moving things out of my room. More cleaning I guess. But most importantly, cleaning things off my comp. This thing is running low on memory and I have externals to help :) I spent most of the day organizing Personal Work and Professional Work items. Watching anime / animation movies. I will be filming tomorrow for sure.

BONUS: I found out the out of the two phones my dad brought back from china, the white one *the one I'm favoring* does work here and may use it now from time to time. SCORE!

Monday, September 21, 2009

REALLY really Tired

Okay, Here is the sum of my last night till this morning.
I am tired and burnt from last night. Decide to go to bed. The dog decides to not want to go to bed. Keeps me up all night. I'm constantly letting him in and out of my room. I have a stomach pain / uncomfortable feeling. when I press slightly an inch down from my belly button it hurts. He wants to sleep with me on my bed. He wins, I wrap him up in my beach towel and hug his stinky butt in my arms till he falls asleep, when he gets too warm and jumps off my bed. I'm doing all this as I text message back and forth with B. who can't seem to sleep either. Today Paul at work tells me that he's had that before and said that I just pulled a muscle. I think to myself that that maybe the case since I've been doing lots of tummy crunches. I'm still going on one hour rest. so .... no pics again.. till tomorrow my loves.
**Oh yeah . Dad came back and brought back these cell phones that don't look that bad, though the text messaging style is old school, I'm hoping sound quality will make up for that. I have to get them unlocked before testing them out.

ps. will be filming hopefully so I can post a new vid I got a new microphone and I realized how to get rid of that buzzing sound in my filming. Score.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Stanley Park Walk Walk Walk

Well this morning I was going to start filming my video for the week, go and get a mic cause the one on my comp just keeps picking up the fan sound from the macbook. Well my sis calls and asks if me and my cousin want to hit up Stanley Park with Joey Dog and enjoy the day. How can I pass up that offer. To take another shot on beating Lester at the rock balancing. The walk was nice and how much we did walk. By the time we got to the rock stacking, I was lazy and didn't feel like trying so hard. I'm really tired, will post pics up later tomorrow. Downtown work for me tomorrow. And I will try to pick up a new comp mic. and mmm what else.

New toys: I recently got two awesome things for my Nikon from Peter ( sis' fiance ) . One is a Camera Bag *thumbs up*, another is a remote switch *double thumbs up*

Note to Self* Find a guy that will look for awesome deals online.

Tummy Update

Yes Yes My Dears. Since I've been losing weight and doing stomach crunches the tummy that used to bulge out is now slimming down and slowing fading from it's fatty existence. I would do a photo update but I haven't been taking pictures of my sexy self during this whole weight loss process ( just one or two ), but the ones I have been taking, well at least not pics for me to share with all of you. Will post pictures of what I used to look like and what I look like now when I've reached my goal.

Weight Update: 117.5
( started at 135+ lbs, Goal: 115 lbs maybe I should strive for 110 lbs? I want a flat tummy! )

Saturday, September 19, 2009

For Fun

Okay I'm starting a new Label called "for fun". This is for my own purpose of things to make me smile with randomness. I heart you Sean for sending this to me. Hilarious!

Frustration X|

I don't know what to say, my mind is blank. A friend calls and informs me that we spoke of the day before was true. My instincts were pretty dead on. But it's nice to know that our relationship did not end of the fact cause of another girl. But he's moved on. It's time I did the same as well. I need to return to that peaceful happy place.
B. was right, it was a "train wreck". I survived it. I've recovered. Here's another song to help me feel better and make me feel Hockey-ish.

What You Say

The Tune of this song played in my mind that night I laid there in the darkness staring at the dark shadowed figure of the sago palm, only the verse kept repeating. It took me forever to track it down, not knowing the song or lyrics. I didn't think the lyrics would have so much relation to what I went through. But this song doesn't make me think of my break up, it actually brings me back to that moment that I was laying there feeling peacefully happy.

Clean House

Well, I never thought that I would ever have two parents away on vacation at once. But it's true. Dad's in China and mom's on a plane flying over seas back to Malaysia. I wish them both to be safe and healthy.

It's time to clean house. Start thinking of renovating the bunk upstairs washroom and kitchen. An investment in something that may be passed on to me one day. I'm daydreaming of painting and I'm dreading having to pick up the rest of my stuff from the X, I don't know how the heart will ache when I see him. I have to be stronger than ever feeling the way I do, with the thoughts that fill my mind. The little things I have yet to let go of, the feelings that are still SO deep in hurt.

I have one more player to choose in my fantasy pool.
Contemplating of sending B. another picture in a little game that I've started with him. When I am is the question. Maybe when he reads this. *B. if you do, message me saying "where's my picture with the pink & gray?" LOL. I love how you make me smile and feel. Stronger.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Sleep Monster

I've been losing sleep lately due to Mr.CC up in my face during early hours of the morning. He's old and needy of more attention lately. Been feeling sick lately and loss of sleep wasn't much help but I did sleep a bit more than I would this morning to recover. Still feeling unwell. I hope I get a good nights sleep tonight so I can look forward to a great weekend.

I can't believe I agreed to do a fantasy hockey pool. I'm researching my butt off to see who's a good pick, who's not injured, who's in what Conference and etc. What can I get with this salary cap. Playing the smarts and reason. I'm so indecisive.

I need more sleep. Will need to continue to clean out my room tomorrow. I'm feeling too sick today to do anything, or eat anything. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better so I can go out and enjoy the day, or go running.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Rudeness

Oh... the rudeness of some people can really ruin the beginning of your day.
I help out with a little recycling before I head out downtown to run some errands for work. I bring cousin LX along cause, it's boring if I just left her at home.

Well we step on to the bus. I tell the bus driver we plan to buy all day passes when we get to the station. He gives us the thumbs up and we make our way to the back of the bus. Then out of no where I hear a lady say, "Why don't you go back and pay for your tickets...bitches." I hold my tongue, I want to turn and ask who just said that tell her off. But I don't. I'm nice and sweet and still hold some kind of civility in this this world. I vent to my sister. I vent to B.

I head down to GB Chris' work to get business cards done. On the way there I forgot to bring Gary. Oh how am I so forgetful! I get there and Chris seems a little mad. :P what can I do. Well he seems to have problems printing my cards so I head out to BK for breakfast-lunch, apparently the address leads us to the one that is in the theater on Burrard and Smithe. We walk by some guy that's busy stuffing something in boxes, he calls me back to see my ticket when I'm already on the escalator. I find myself walking back down a moving escalator and I say to him that I'm just going to the food court and lets me pass. Another manager comes down and asks for my tickets as well and the worker tells them we're just heading for the food court. We head out to Grandville St., Check out some street performer named Eden doing magic. I head into a comic book store there for some visual stimulation. Head to Future Shop to use my 20$ cash card and got some goodies for my nerdy side. Leona Lewis CD, Legally Blonde 1&2 and ... you can see. I can't help myself. It's a classic.

We Hit up Urban Outfitters to see if I can score a cute dress for my birthday, that is if we choose to do anything for it. Bowling is the only plan so far. But I would love to spend the day doing something special, with someone special. *sigh* We head home and hit the mall to get some last minute things to try to perfect the chocolate chip cookie recipe and spray paint for the crow mask, before busing home. On our way we saw a huge spider that made a web between the stop sign and the bushes 7 feet away from the pole.

Chris just came by to pick up Gary, who's now returning home to his family and some more Desi Method Business Cards are now in my hands. Ready to be trimmed and invoiced for payment!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Heart Break Cause I Miss You

I realized it hurts more to miss someone when they are still alive then when they've passed. You want to see them, cause you care for them. You want to love them cause they will always be loved in your heart. Most importantly while you still can cause you're both still here. When I checked facebook this morning at work, I could not hold my tears in when I read a message from Steph ( X's Cousin ). How she felt and thought about me. How and what Gage said when she explained to them the break up ( in little people terms ). I've watched two of her babies grow since birth. Her's were not the only ones but baby Sabrina as well. After 8.5 years with Trev, how can I not slowly adopt his family as my own, since I only have a handful of immediate family here. I miss them, I truly did fall in love with them.

This coming January. My immediate family is growing, I'm becoming an aunt soon =)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Re-establishing A Lost Goal

I needed this today, feeling sluggish and had to work out a thought and feeling.
I feel fine now and won't let those things bother me.

I've re-established my online clothing store. There was a line called Bu Clothing Co. that I wanted to establish when I was in school, the name had a great meaning, I had a great logo. But lack of proper planning and focus on that project made me abandon it. The designs are great but I've decided to re-establish this goal of an online clothing store a little differently. A little bit more foundation before bringing back my designs.

Online Clothing Store Link:

The one design up on the site currently is of PandaSze. From the Animation. Enjoy. More designs are to come.

Next Design is for Cousin Jonny: Me Sand Shoe. Coming Soon. =)

Cleaning Out The Closet

Wow. my horoscope was dead on today. As I am cleaning out my closet, my room and finally my "studio" area in the basement of my house.

Libra Horoscope for Today.
Every time you get rid of an old idea, assumption or unwanted item, you make room for a new influx of energy and growth. Today, you could use a big dose of freshness, so see what you can do to empty a few closets (emotional and bedroom alike). Whether you toss out a relationship, a grudge or an old sweater, you'll immediately feel a sense of freedom and relief. You've been released from hanging on to what you thought you needed. The truth is you already have everything you need.

I feel so much better than I did a month ago. I know what I need to do and the direction I want to move in. I want to paint again and participate in art shows again like I did more than two years ago. I've been down and out for far too long. In the Work life, I know where I'm going where I want to be, my goals. Love life... well it takes two to tango, I'll have to wait and see what life is destined to throw at me before I get in over my head or jump to conclusions.

I've decided I'm ready to move forward and move on in love and life. ;)

PandaSze _ Episode 1

I did this animation originally in 2007 in the last two semesters at Art Institute of Vancouver in the Midst of Final Projects to make my stressed friends smile. And to remind my friends everywhere that I love them. It's Cartoon me in a panda suit eating ice cream.

Monday, September 14, 2009

How I lost 15 Pounds in 1 Month

Alright I'm on a mission. to be at 115lb. Because that is the most healthy weight I can be at for someone my age and height. I started at the end of July @ 135+ pounds now I'm 120 on the dot and maintaining. A few friends are asking how I did this.
  • No Rice, Some Bread.
    I stopped eating rice at dinner time and I also cut my bread intake. I didn't stop eating rice all together. I would probably eat it once every 2 weeks. But bread would be more like 1-2 a week.
  • Drink A Lot Of Water
    I have a tall bottle with me, that is about 3 cups of water, I empty it nearly 3-4 times a day.
  • Cut Out Meat. A LOT! ( red meat especially )
    I minimize myself to only have 1-3 bite sizes ( 2-3 days out of the week ), Chicken is the only meat I would eat more that three bites. Yes, if you're not eating meats means you're eating more veggies and fruits.
  • Running
    I run 4.8k - 5k every other day when it was sunny. Now 1-2 a week.
    But the wii fit also helps out on rainy days.
  • Stomach Crunches!
    No wasting time. If I'm not tired and I'm just laying in bed I will do stomach crunches till I get tired, stop and fall asleep. Sit ups only work the upper part of your abs. You have to do the ones where you lay flat lift your legs up 45 degrees and you reach for your toes keeping parallel to your legs. I also alternate between this and another thing that I came up with ( I have to see if I can explain this without sounding weird ). I cross my legs in reverse ( feet are on your thys. pretzel. yoga pose ), lying completely flat on my back. I raise my crossed legs to be 90 degrees. Stretch your arms straight up and positioned as if I was holding the steering wheel at 9 & 3 o'clock. I do a twisting motion, your arms as if they are driving a car and your knees are as if they are trying to touch your elbows. After every ten reps you lower the degree of your angle by 5 - 10 degrees. When I get tired from this I alternate back to trying to touch my toes.
  • Determination
    Yes, coming out of a relationship did help me in keeping with working out, but I was going to work out during the summer regardless of a break up or not. But unlike many others, I don't eat vent. I work out vent. But I'm also doing this for myself, a re-occuring health problem comes back now and then to kick my ass and tells me and puts me into worry mode and reminds me not to break diet. I'm trying to get into peak physical and mental condition, before I go in for a full check up. So I'm ready to fight whatever it is I may need to fight.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Risk Taking With No Regrets

Today was a no regrets day. I did something out of the blue at a time that was very un-agreeable with many others. I followed my heart knowing the risk I was taking. Since I've lived a pretty risk free life, I knew just this once wouldn't make a whole lot of difference in my universe. ( The specifics of this event will be omitted. It's a very long story ). It just felt right.

I went in search for my ring today. Since becoming single, I can no longer wear all the rings I have in my possession since they are all from the last relationship I was in. I can't explain why but as I look upon those rings now I feel nothing but broken promises. So I went in search for my own ring(s) with my own promises, so my fingers would no longer feel naked. I went to quiet a few places in Guildford Mall in the company of B. looking for a simple plain band silver ring. You would not believe how hard it is to find one till you've tried. I ended up finding a ring set that was three in one at Sears. Even got a deal since there was a 25% off sale and another 10% off came from a scratch and save. I'm so happy to find what I've been looking for.

Afternoon At Barnet Beach

Alright, my day started I don't know when. Me waking up to a text message, or me text messaging someone as I wake up. What happened first I can't really say but I know I spent sometime of the morning animating some more of Panda Zay ( Sze ) haven't decided what to call it yet. Then I get a message from Lan on going to Barnet. I thought she was going to do her whole bbq and picnic thing. No.. it was just pics at the beach. Chilling in the sun. Well, one of my goals on my list for the summer is crossed. Being stupid me didn't eat in the morning and ended up starving, but being in the moment really curved the craving.

We sat in the sun, threw the ball around for Joey Dog, got some great family moment pics and as usual did a jumping pic pose cause I always wanted to. I also did yoga on the beach. Hit Cousin LX with a rock. Oh yeah my beach mat that I used for the first time today broke! what the eef is up with that?!

FYI: why do my clothes look so loose? cause they are! since loosing 15 pounds in one month, my clothes don't fit properly! my belt with the holes...had to punch a new hole. pants are loose T-shirts are loose. EVERYTHING. except for panties and bra's.

We headed home to Big Sis' place after 3 and made some dinner and watched movies and television. I started to feel sick this evening and still kinda am. A small headache is coming back in. My face looks flushed, even with a tan. I'm feeling a bit feverish ( WARM ) I feel like I'm sweating but I'm not. After talking to B. I'm starting to wonder, am I THAT forgetful? So forgetful that I don't even know it.
I usually remember visual conversations, because they are visuals, they are something I need to see and read. But these days my audio attention span isn't helping me focus. It's hard for me to admit this, but I find it hard to focus on conversations more and more these days. I'll be watching something and someone would be speaking to me, I will only catch the last half of what they are trying to say. I'm not trying to be rude. It's not that I'm not paying attention. I'm trying to, I really am, I hear them and at the same time I don't hear them like my brain chooses only to zone into what they have to say only to have it feels like it's too late. My heart literally drops when this happens. Sometimes I shake it off. Am I loosing my mind? Is this another symptom I have to worry about now? Or does this happen to everyone? Am I in worse condition than I thought?

I'll need to focus harder now. Before I loose my sanity, my heart, my soul.

p.s. thanks future brother in law for the great pics.

Friday, September 11, 2009


I was fine during the run and then I come home and I'm light headed, I feel tired and I have a splitting headache.

My room is a mess from pulling down boxes, boxing up X boyfriend stuff and photos. I think the only X boyfriend stuff I have left in my possession are items from Trevor. Most of the other x boyfriend stuff I've already donated off to charity.

I can't rest cause there's too much noise. Harsh light makes my head hurt, noises are making my head hurt. RaaarrrrrRRrrRRr.... *giggle* *smile* thinking of B.

The Little Things

I guess I've come to realize that a little thing can mean a lot to someone. Well I mean if I was to destroy Gary, for real. Chris would be very upset with me. But no. I'm talking about making relationships, little things do matter don't they. Even if it's a thought.

Just came back from another jog / walk. I took the step meter with me this time. I wore it when I took CC out for a walk before my usual 4.8K workout jog. my meter says that I traveled a total of 6k. mmm lets get a weight update. 120 lb. and still maintaining. I guess I shouldn't break diet till I'm even close to my weight goal. But I've been feeling more tired lately and having headaches now and then and my pale complexion is coming back cause I'm losing my tan. I feel like I should look after my health now more than ever. Time to refocus. Not just on my work but my health.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Teddy Bear Surgery

Well, Gary ( Teddy Bear ) that was all beaten up went through surgery today to revive him from the dead. I filmed the ordeal and it took an hour to fully fix him. After it was all done, I gave him a bath, spun him dry in the washing machine and he's currently hanging dry. The video is currently being edited but here is a pic of Gary who's heavy like a child when he's wet, in the wash.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Panda Zay

Well there was this animation I did way back when near the end of school when I was in the Art Institute of Vancouver. Well it's sad to say that I have no idea where that file went. I think it was corrupted and lost when my hard drive gave out back then. But now I'm re-recording and re-animating to share with the world this time. Panda Zay. The animation is in the re-works and I hope that I get to upload it soon. But till then I'll be watching some series, making friends all around the world and falling in love with it all.

Went out to Michael's Craft store with God Brother Chris to get supplies for Gary ( His Panda that seems to have been mauled by a dog. ) Apparently his older brother had beaten it up some time ago. I'll be fixing him up for him. This Surgery will be filmed for owners private viewing. LOL. We had dinner at Hon's which was delicious.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Love Life and Mr. CC

Even if I'm not working downtown, doesn't mean I'm not working. Building something out of nothing is no easy task my friends. But dreams become goals that lead to success.

I was watching "The Sweetest Thing" yesterday with Cousin LX who has never seen it. It made me feel better watching it but it also reflects the feelings I have about the single life and playing "the game". It maybe nice to keep your options open, openly dating here and there or just playing around for fun, but you eventually get tired. I know I'm young and me saying that I'm already tired of the game at this age may seem ridiculous but you know what _ it's true. I started dating at a young age ( no, I'm not a slut. ) this was only to find out just what kind of guy I really like in qualities, looks and attitude. If I didn't do this, at the age I am now, I would never really know what I'm looking for in a guy and I wouldn't know how to deal with heart break after heart break. I would be completely vulnerable. I'm glad to say I'm not, every relationship I've come out of has taught me what qualities I should look for in the one I'd like to be with. Right now I'm letting the Universe do all the work in the love department. I'm actually enjoy being single now. Though I do feel lonely now and then, missing the affection you get when you're in a relationship. I know in the end that good things happen to those who wait. Till then I'll live, love and succeed on my own.

This morning Mr. CC kept trying to talk to me. I didn't get much shut eye ( like usual ) but he seemed as though he needed his morning fix of attention. I didn't know what he wanted. I walked him to the door in the morning but he didn't want to go outside. He didn't want food. When I returned to my room and hopped back into bed he kept wanting my attention so I sat on the floor to keep him company only to have him curl up in my lap to sleep. I sat there for 10 minutes and got up and hopped back into bed. Sometimes I wished some of the qualities CC has is what I will find in my future someone. Someone who has unconditional love for me, always wants to be at my side to keep me company. ( although he stalks me a lot. ) Someone who needs to cuddle now and then and be loved with simple hugs and kisses. Who's just happy to see me when I enter the room even though I just came in, left and returned. Who greets me with love when I come home and seems to be filled with concern when I leave and say goodbye. CC is getting old. This breaks my heart cause he's been with me through it all, the heart breaks and aches.

Now I'm lounging watching Ice Age 2, dreaming up designs and ideas.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Working On It

I texted until the early morning. Even though I only had about 4 hours of sleep. I'm feeling fine. Mr. CC doesn't seem to be feeling well lately coming and going a lot out of my room.

I'm busy thinking of everything. How to reintegrate a lot of things back into my life. Design, Clothing, Art, Business, Videos, Music. And to share all this with the world. The potential is there and I'm pushing it. I seem to have nothing but goals on my mind. I've also decided to revive some abandoned goals. I've always thought that the world is full of second chances but you just have to have the ability to see and feel when that opportunity opens back up again. I feel it more than ever. Support from all directions, from heaven and earth.

New Music that was posted on facebook by K-os. By: The Roots. I'm So Feeling This Right Now. The Beat, The Message.

I'm also working up on a design for my blog, youtube channel and online clothing store. My thoughts are everywhere and my heart feels very much mended. I do feel a bit sad from time to time, but it's natural. I'm not religious, even though I do believe there is a God. He / She Loves me and I know it cause good things are happening and I'm so thankful.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Girls Who Play Sports

I was packing up my roller hockey gear. Which has been all washed and dried. I personally like to play sports. Roller Hockey in the last two seasons was a blast in the VIHL. Even though I am a beginner and play against a bunch of guys and a handful of girls. Snowboarding was fun to learn, even though it took me a while to get the hang of it, I mean I'm no prodigy. During secondary and elementary I very much enjoyed playing volleyball, basketball, badminton and etc. I may not like playing baseball or soccer but hey. But I really started to wonder. Are Girls who play sports attractive? I mean, to guys and I guess to lesbian women. So I asked the world.

Do You Find Girls Who Play Sports Attractive?

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Capilano Suspension Bridge Pictures

UPDATE: HERE ARE THE PICTURES.. that were taken On 2009 / 09 / 04

okay okay I know the shirt on me looks weird and fat. But I'm not that self cautious, when I reach my goal weight is when I will show you all what I've succeeded to become to from where I have been. The pics are of us goofing off at the suspension bridge. You pay quite a bit to get in, but I had a coupon for the two for one and we thought we might as well have fun. =)

I finally got these pics from Peter today after Dim Sum Lunch with an uncle that came from out of town. His kids, My Cousins, were very cute. His wife is also very beautiful.

I was full of worry about Brad this morning, until he texted me, apparently he wasn't drunk, he was fooling around and bumped his head and had a seizure. ( Finding this out didn't make me feel any better ) But he got out of the hospital and is OK. *sigh* a good sigh. I hadn't slept a lot due to this morning events, I did rest my eyes a bit at Lan's House but I had to play some Wii as I watched Cousin LX playing the fencing showdown on the Wii Sport Resort. Wack some video game characters to relief some stressful thoughts.

Now I'm home and chillaxing. =) feeling much better.

Worried About B.

Well through out the day yesterday I was texting back and forth with Brad. Last night he headed up to Whistler to party and got drunk. He stops texting me back around 1am. I believe he maybe got so drunken tired and passed out.

I can't sleep for some odd reason. When I was at my sisters house and as we left around 10 - 10:30pm I was tired and sleepy... but I ended up staying up till 2 - 2:30 am. Even then I had to try to go to sleep. I turn on a movie, the same one that's been in my player. I do my small routine of stomach crunches till I'm tired and I eventually fall asleep.

5:41am in the morning. I get a call from him I pick it up and all I hear from him is "Hey, Hold On." Then a woman comes onto the phone and uses a strict and demanding tone. Her voice was as though she was an upset mother demanding truth (at that moment I thought it was his mother, wondering what exactly is going on until she continued on. ) She asks me if I was with him tonight, I'm half asleep and I make her repeat the question. I respond honestly. "No, I was not." She proceeds to tell me she's calling from Whistler Emergency, that Brad had came in and that he wanted to let me know that he was being transferred to Lions Gate Hospital. My heart sinks. I thank her and she hangs up. I start to worry about Brad, but for some reason I find it very sweet that he wanted to relay this information to me. I text him right after the call to find out if he's alright.

Me being me, I will tell you a little bit about myself. I am the kind of person where if my friend needs me I will try to be there for them. My gut instinct is that I should go to him. Even though me and Brad are not dating or anything. If I had a car and drove. I would. I would be there in a heartbeat. Brad or not Brad if it was any one of my friends, I will be there. That is just me. But my heart aches cause I have to suck it up to the fact that it's 5am in the morning, I'm tired as hell and I can't. I'm so worried. I eventually fall asleep.

There's Dim Sum this morning with Lo family members that just came in from out of town. I better go get ready.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Capilano Suspension Bridge

In the morning I had that dream. I've come to let go.
I planned early this week to bring cousin LX to Capilano Suspension Bridge. And since Lan had the day off of work, she came along and brought us there. Me and Cousin LX and Lan did a bunch of goofy poses. Our random comments and actions made random strangers laugh ( which was awesome ). We took a bunch of pics since Lan had brought Peter's new D90 out to play. Just taking pictures with that thing was like a dream. The photos it took were beautiful. Too bad Peter didn't transfer them correctly to me or I would be blogging them. Well I'm currently looking through my photos to pick out the best ones to post. When I get the pics from Peter & Lan of me, I'll post some pics from our adventure.

Another Dream Of TT

I wake up on my stomach at 5:50am on the dot according to the clock on the wall that reads "6:00 AM". I've fallen asleep with light on again, my contacts still in and the "Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy" Main Menu is Playing Continutously on the DVD and on my TV screen. I've just woken up from another dream of TT.

Just as though my physical reality is ready and aware, prepared to let go of us. It seems as though my sub-conscience is not. The last ten minutes of my dream was strange. VERY STRANGE. All I can say is:

I'm walking towards some mall, in my dream it looks like Royal, the one that is right at Burrard Station. I don't cut through the station, but I walk up it's stairs to the street level and I'm with my cousin LX. Cross the street and enter the mall through the street entrance. The mall has completely changed as I enter it, I don't know where I really am. We walk around and find a restaurant to eat at, I walk around the restaurant and I am in search of someone or something, I make my way to the bar. I order drinks. Alcoholic drinks. My Friend from AI is there ( Although we were not that close in school, I really don't know why she's there in my dream ), she pushes me away from the Bar. I try to make it back to where ever it was I had a table in this restaurant. I see Trevor, it's more like he found me and I turn to talk to him and ask him a bunch of questions only for him to say that he can't talk to me. What is strange is that he is physically telling me that he can't talk to me, and keeps saying that he can't. And says something strange like, "She's watching me." He has drawn a serious of pictures for me to flash me messages. Even though I had remembered when I started typing this dream out, I have already forgotten what one of the drawings said. All I remember about the drawings was that they were very child like in marker colors such as brown. I tell him again to just talk to me and he proceeds to tell me that he can't. I ask him is it because of another girl? he says nothing and I walk away. I am crying in my dream, in a constant question of WHY. I see an old friend across from some kind of wooden walk way of the restaurant. I call out to her, FAZIA, I had not seen her forever, my friend from high school. She doesn't hear me and goes on her way. I head towards the exit doors at street level that face Burrard Street Station. The Ground Now is filled and cover with snow, I'm relieved to see it and start heading even faster than before outside. There is so much so that a lot of it had flooded through the doors. My cousin is a head of me, I shout to her "This Is Snow!" I run by a pile of snow before walk out into the street, my right hand reaches down and my finger tips brush it's light surface. It's cold to the touch. I am so happy to see snow and my cousin is astonished when we walk out into the snow covered streets of Downtown Vancouver.

I wake up with the question of why I see him again in my dreams. In my physical reality I have realized that holding on to what is no longer there and the hopes that we can be again is unhealthy. I feel sick to my stomach.

Are Boys Like Drugs? ( Why do I think of it this way? )
There are the kind of drugs that are good for you, that help you become better and stronger. To live out your life healthy.
There are the bad kind of drugs that are addicting, they change your lifestyle. You find yourself living for that fix of them. It feels so good with that drug when in reality it's poison. The aftermath is worse than ever and in reality when you pull yourself away from it, you come to realize you're better off without it.

Happy Birthday Trevor. Goodbye.
I'm going back to sleep.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Chilling With The Big Sis

I was on skype with Sean last night again, LOL. Hey Sean if you are reading this. SHOUT OUT! haha. Any hoot, his guitar playing was pretty good. Cheered me up a bit. I don't know why it feels nice to meet people that work in the same kind of industry even though they are in another city, in another province. But unlike me though, Sean is more in the Web as I'm more of a graphics and print. All around good person to chat with once and a while. Coming out of my shell feels like a good thing, making friends across the country and the world is even better.

This morning I was pretty upset. Just feeling it, the decision to finally let go. Paid all the bills even though they aren't due until a couple of weeks from now, but what the hell. Now I'm broke. I wondered why my rogers bill was so expensive until I realized and looked up that I have unlimited texting plan.. awesome! and also good for work! Texting with Brad really made me feel better. He just has a way with me that is a mix of random of honesty, playfulness and I don't know? Flirt? haha. It's been forever since I saw him last. What since I was in Art Institute? that was like 2 years + ago.

Now I'm at the sister place and have been for a while, we playing Wii Sport Resort. Cousin LX beat me in archery, I beat her in the fencing eventually when I just swung randomly really fast with my eyes closed. Sister Lan was laughing her head off when I beat cousin LX by doing that. Hilarious. ( I should have been filmed, then I would have posted it for all of you guys to see. ) I also beat cousin LX in Frisbee throwing and canoeing. Now we're sitting and watching movies as I blog away.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Baking: FAIL

The original recipe is wrong. I thought I had perfected it but I was wrong.
I will try again next time. some of them came out perfect some too sweet.
Too much sugar doesn't make things better. It's all about finding the right balance.

I don't know what it is, every time he talks to me or reaches out. I don't know what the intentions are anymore, my heart starts to crack a little. I feel an awkward nervousness when he texts me, it feels like a dream when he calls. I've never felt this way towards someone before. Is it pure sadness I've buried in my heart? TELL ME >_<.

I've decided to let it all go.

Relapse of Feelings

For last couple of days I've felt that. My mind was really starting to get over things to let go. I was preparing myself to let go and move on. Brad's frankness made me realized this, but I realized last night after chatting with Rob that I am far from it. Today at work I came to terms that I should not forget that I need to get myself back to a healthy weight and when I do then I can go for a full physical. Only then when I find out if I'm all alright and that health issue that comes and goes is really nothing. Then I will fully commit again, because I can't if I'm not at the best on my own terms. If I go in half-heartedly, then I will just be lying to myself and the other person in the relationship. I know beating away guys with a stick is not a nice thing to do, to lead them on to believe that something will happen when it won't is worse. It's hard to say that my mind says move on when my heart says stand still. I can't remain at a stand still in this imaginary plain of whiteness, standing at this fine line forever. Looking back onto the person I just last gave so much of my heart to. Hoping he would come back. Thinking and believe he will is like lying to my soul that everything will be okay when it won't. I can't lie to myself. I know this.

My mind is filled with logic and I think of all the possibilities and it knows that I cannot hold on forever.

My heart is tied to that fine line like a puppet on a string. I know the more I tug, it will eventually snap.

You know that quote that everyone seems to know, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I hardly believe this. This saying is full of shit. It doesn't kill you, it breaks you piece by piece. Your world can grow or become smaller due to it. That goes for your heart as well. I've always tried to be so full of cheer and love, and so much of it has been chipped away to the core. My emotions are not the same as they used to be. I don't know if I'm weaker or more emotionless to certain things. What I have left I don't even know anymore. I feel like I need to open up now more than ever just to prove that I still have a heart that does have love, which needs to be loved as well.

Single life is rougher than I remember it to be. I feel like I don't even know how to play the game anymore and it's confusing me. Maybe I just need a guy who's willing to fight for me first, before I give my all to fight for him.

*rant rant rant* Time to make some chocolate chip cookies for the world.

Shut Up Scale!

It's 7am and I'm getting ready for work. I just got out of the shower and I'm literally siting in my bra and underwear ( can you guess what colour? ... haha jkjkjk ) as I blog this. I just weighed myself and as I look down to the numbers on the scale I'm in shock. Considering I haven't done any hard core workouts in the last couple of days I was upset that I couldn't go running yesterday. okok get back to the subject. I just weighed myself, I look down to the scale and said, "Shut Up!"

Weight Update: 120 lbs ( 5 more to go )

Go to go get ready for work. bye bye bye.

OMG _ moment: 10,000 views on one of my videos this morning as I check it.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Japanese Hot Pot Anyone?

Well I got the recipe for Japanese Hot Pot Sauce from Chew. Who I know had done it some time back with his family. Since we are all about cleaning out our fridge and freezer this was the best thing to try out. This was our first try at Japanese Hot Pot, I was so nervous that it would be a fail, or in Sean's words "EPIC FAIL". But it wasn't. It was so good. The mushrooms were fantastic and the veggies sat so nice. MMmmmMMMmMmMmmm. I'm SO FULL.

Recipe For Japanese Hot Pot Sauce:

1/3 Cup Soy
3 tbsps of Rice Wine Vinegar
5 tbsps of sugar
3/4 cup water

CC And His Stares _ Part 2

OKOK, I thought that seeing is believing right. So I took some pictures during different times this morning of CC doing his weird staring thing at me. Proof that he's getting old and blind. He no longer can see or sense how many people are still in the room when there is two and one leaves. He doesn't remember if there is still someone in the room ( this breaks my heart ) and starts following the one that left.