Saturday, October 31, 2009

Hallow Eve

My plan this Halloween was to party as a sexy maid. But you know plans change. I can't really do anything with a 6 and a half months pregnant sister and a cousin who's never done anything Halloween. I'm pretty sure if I did go out and party hardy as a sexy maid, a little someone would be worried sick of what I'm wearing, what I'm doing, who I'm with and where I'm doing all this with my sexy self. So till I can be my sexy self when I'm with that little special someone, I'll chill back this year. Like I have every other Halloween year. On Halloween's EVE. I was pretty busy, just didn't blog about it. LOL. I guess I was living in the moment. I filmed the teaser for my crow stunt. Which means I put on all the gear for it and later that evening I had a pumpkin carving contest at my sisters house with the sister in law and brother in law to be. Peter wins with his Jack Skellington, Lan had her Bowser, Akina had her Pooh, Cousin LX had some kind of vampire Harry Potter (well that's what I thought it was), Me I did a Tokidoki star.

I end up spending the night over at the sisters and just spent the day lounging and watching movies and shows. Eating oven roasted pumpkin seeds, popcorn and making rice crispy squares for the first time for cousin LX who's never had them in her life. I know I'm back to being me when I'm really okay watching romantic movies and wanting to cry in them. The Purposal *I heart Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds* Anyways... I was touched this morning when I find that Frankie baby scores me a sweet tripod for a great price. 27 more days till T.O. 27 days until I see him again in person for the first time in 8-9 years. WOW. Time flies. *text me baby ♥ when you read this in the morning * Goodnight world.

Loving New Trains Of Thoughts

and you guys have to visit

Summer To Fall To Change

We're half way into Fall and I think back to the Summer. How life can change in an instant. A week, month, year can change your life. One second can change your life. This summer my love life went 360. Upside down, inside out. But I recovered quickly cause it wasn't my first failed relationship. Not the first time I was dumped, not the first time I fell in and out of love. It was however a relationship that made me feel that I would never want anyone else. NEVER say NEVER. It didn't last and now I want better. *better in my own standards of what I'm looking for* . I think now better has found me! My Status changed cause I'm not looking anymore... Cause I think I've found someone I want to be with, I'm just not with them yet. This Summer and Fall was truly seasons of change for me. I learned to take chances. To be receptive to what the world is trying to show me. I'm following what my heart tells me more. It's a great moment in my life. I took the steps I needed to take in my life all around to get where I want to be. Blogging, Youtubing, Facebooking, Twittering is only a part of what I feel I needed and need to do. Following my heart and taking chances to better every part of me is guiding the rest of my life decisions. Lastly what has me SO happy is thought of finally having someone step fully into my life who has always been there, who wants to continue to be a part of my life but take more of a leading roll. FL. Thank You for having that courage to step up. It shows a lot. I can't even express in words what I'm feeling. I'm more motivated, more inspired, more ready.

Watching My Life Away

I spent some time yesterday - today watching on youtube Chinese Painting Videos. I just feel that I've wasted some time, watching my life away. Some are holding the brush wrong, destroying their brush, doing wrong strokes. Their coloration is off, water control is lacking and worst of all. People think their work is awesome. Yes I see that some styles are not the same as mine, but some basic rules in Chinese arts apply to all styles. I stop participating in art shows not only due to lack of time and focus, but the truth is the industry was being saturated by all these pieces of artwork that just don't stand up to par on my standards. They lack the heart. The one thing that I come to know is that when someone sees my art. I want it to actually stir some kind of emotion, it's not just another pretty picture. They all have some kind of meaning behind them. They aren't produced cause they're produced to sell and make money. Everyone I create has a meaning and emotion embedded in their strokes.
I'm debating if I should do HOW TO Chinese Painting Videos. But in all honesty I don't know how to translate some of the information that runs through my veins. There are basic rules in Chinese Painting. At least of my style. Control coloration, water control, brush control *one brush stroke makes a lot of difference* and respecting it. Composition, Meaning and Mimicry. There is that part of me that says I won't get the respect cause I'm still very young to the people that seem to be so interested in this art. They will look upon me and wonder what it is that makes me think that I'm better. I can't answer this question until they seen me paint and I explain in clear English. I don't just paint. I was taught to be a self sustaining Chinese Art Master. I can paint my paintings, mount the base layer and mount the silk edgings. Yes I was taught all of this.

Friday, October 30, 2009

WOW ... Is Right

I came across this in my.. day off and surf random things on youtube day. I have to blog this, it's too great not to share. This is one must go and see in Tokyo if I ever get the chance to go there.

Artful Return Part I

This is to announce my artful return to the Chinese fine arts scene in Vancouver. Some Vancouverites may not know me personally who I am by face, but may have perhaps seem some of my artwork. To view artwork you can visit my website: . I will be participating in an upcoming art show and would love for fellow Vancouverites to go check it out when it happens. CCC Center in Chinatown. Nov. 7 - Dec. 6th. If you're looking to purchase a bottle and you're a fellow Vancouverite: visit to find the closest retailer. Those who aren't local and would be interested in purchasing a bottle I will be looking into getting more soon. So I will soon have some in my possession to sell off.
In this video I'm calling out music makers to help me make some beats for my videos. I really am tired of not having any music in my videos and would like to have original beats that I can place into as I edit for intros and background music. I will name and give a shout to whomever is chosen, and would be nice to rotate artists.
I must confess I got twitter and I don't quite get the whole grasp of it yet, but I mainly got it for when I'm in Toronto. My facebook fan page is slowly growing but growing none-the-less. If you like my artwork you can become a fan on facebook . To Follow Me On Twitter :
I am also so glad to see that I'm getting 130+ subscribers on youtube already. I hope the world is falling in love with me, as much as I'm falling in love with it.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

So... YEAH. Had To Run For The Bus

*SIGH*... A BIG SIGH. I get off of work and skytrain it home. I'm waiting to board my bus, and start lining up. I realize as I'm standing there behind a bunch of people that "seem" like they are in line. Weren't. I realize this when the bus gives off that sound ... the hissing one where it inflates it's suspension to lift it up to take off. I say a loud. "FUCKERS" and then quickly start turning around and booking it for the next bus stop. Knowing I have a little *couple seconds / mins * the bus takes to go around the station block to turn to the next stop. Lets just say, thank god I'm fit that I was able to book it for the next stop and not pass out when I boarded the bus. *stupid moment of the day for you there.

I recorded / filmed myself singing a song I wrote earlier this week. I'm debating if I should youtube it for the world to hear and see. But I'm a bit shy at the moment and reluctant to. Yes, even the not so shy to do stupid things is shy to show the world my singing. I know I'm not the best. I guess cause it's a song that comes so quickly from the heart. *shy* *run away*

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Little Things

There are little things in a day that make you smile, laugh, frustrated. Emotions that make you... feel. Something.
Yesterday's foolish dumb dumb of the day was...I found out as I was crossing the building next to the one I work in as I make my way to work... That I had my zipper down. It has been down the whole time I've been traveling to work. Thank God I always wear clothes that go down to cover my hips and the frontal area. LOL. Ahhh.. so dumb dumb.

Today's WTF of the day. I go to McDonalds for lunch. You know the monopoly thing. LOL well only played it like twice. mmmm I get three railroads today. Had one in my possession. Only to have one of my three railroads go missing. It better be on my desk at work. SHIAT! four I know I got all four. I KNOW IT! Anyways, yes.

Been working all day downtown the last couple of days. I want to be able to come home and do filming but the days seem to be getting darker really fast. So I'm losing day light. My filming for this week is delayed due to the fact that.. well mmm busy.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Yesterday Was A Good Day

Yesterday was a good day. I lazied around in the morning and went to go drop off my painting for an upcoming art show that's going to be at the CCC center between the Nov 7 to Dec 6. The 15th Annual Art Exhibition & Juried Awards 2009. For the Chinese Canadian Artists Federation in Vancouver. Yes I've been a member since, 2003? I've been out of the scene for 2.5 years, due to school and building my Graphic Design part of my life. Now, I'm going to try more than ever to merge these two. I ask myself what have I been doing this last 2.5 years. Not all that much, which is sad. But then I've done a few stuff. I've helped brand some local businesses, build some websites for companies. Got my artwork on some stainless steel water bottles. What else have I done that was career based? One thing I haven't been doing is networking. But now I am willing to open up, show the world what I really have to offer. Going back into fine arts more ready is what I was waiting for. I may not be able to find someone else out there any time soon, that does what I do that's the same age, of the same caliber. But I'd love to meet other artistic individuals that are looking to build something from nothing. Those who have that same ambition and drive. * back to my day * I go drop off my painting I get all blown by the wind and all transiting down with my huge painting. One thing I learned about this city, no one really cares about your business ( meaning what you're doing when you're doing it as in what you have on your face, or in your hair, or what you wear ), you just think they do.
The man who now runs the CCAF in Vancouver is ... how you say... a student of my teachers. I'm not too sure if we are of the same generation in painting ( students of the same teacher are of the same generation ) He is more mastered than I am, of course he is, he's twice my age. ( This is how I think of me in Chinese arts ) If I can paint to two thirds of the current masters ability at my age, I stand a good chance of surpassing them. But that's just ego talking, that and my experience and openness to absorb all I need to learn from them before the great masters all pass. Before there isn't any of them left. ... There I go again... side tracking.. this blog is an day to day auto biography... I walk into the store and am greeted by three little Bijon dogs. So cute. He calls out my name as he comes out of his office to greet me and before I leave he offers me a project. One that isn't about money, more of fame if it gets recognition. Of course I say yes.
We walk around chinatown cause poor cousin LX hasn't really been properly taken around china town shops. I bring her to see some lowly Chinese paintings that saturate the market. And the shops I've come to know to visit for my Chinese art supplies, I take her to the Bamboo Village, one of my little Chinese stores I said to her that she has to go in and see for the paper lanters and well, the smell and sites. And I spot it, a cute panda that is none like any I've had before, it's on sale for 18$! and I put on my want face as Cousin LX takes a picture of me with the panda. We head on out of Chinatown and head towards home, we stop by BBY Best Buy to get the Sanyo that I've been eyeing for a couple of weeks. I pull a "ZAY" move. As I wait for someone to come and help me at the camcorder section, I get a text from B. He tells me that I've just hit number one in our hockey pool of 3-4 people. I ( living in my own bubble world ) start dancing in the store, yes. This is true. I'm an dancing / jumping in joy. and from behind my cousin I see a sales associate come walking towards me with a smile on his face catching me do my stupid dance. I explain quickly my reason of the dance and get down to business. Only to find they don't have my camera there. I end up hitting up the Surrey one and walk out with a new camcorder at the end of the night.

Today, was all work. I did wake up with an ever so sweet *Good Morning* email from Frankie. It inspired me to start writing and singing a song. Not yet completed. I missed the bus, so I had to transfer I end up being a bit late for work. I work over time 2 hours. I sit on the sky train on my way home working on the rest of the song that I started this morning. He inspires me to be more than what I am now. Tomorrow is going to be another long day, but I'll make it a good day!. Ah.. I can't wait to film outside.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Melting Heart

He's calls me from Toronto, at the Boyz II Men Concert. He's Singing along with them and my heart is just melting. >_<

I Hate You Rogers

Okay. Well I called Rogers for 2 reasons.
1) is to find out why the 3gs I ordered 3-4 months ago... NEVER CAME!
2) I'm going to Toronto and taking my cell with me. Do I have to pay extra cause I'm out of the city making calls?

I never got to get the answer to my second question. And I didn't even order the 3gs after talking to them. Apparently they never put in my order which I placed in the same time I changed my plan. Then when I said I want to place an order now, they tell me I have to sign up for +25$/ month for data plan in order to get the 199$ deal for the phone. I can't extend my plan another 3 years and get the phone. I have to sign up. I don't even NEED that data plan cause I'm always around Wi-Fi... does that make any sense to you that they force you to get a plan that you DON'T NEED ?! Now I don't even know if I want to order this phone. I already pay about 60$ / month for my plan. I can't afford to fucking add on another un-needed 25$. Retarded. I said I'd have to think about it and call them back. And by the way I was on the phone with them for 15 minutes + ... I didn't even get to ask them my second question. ROGERS. There's a reason people are really hating you right now. Your service is shit. Your first operator answered and asked the question so fast I thought she was on drugs and she was quick to pass me off. It wouldn't be shit if people did their jobs right in the first place. Your plans are also shit. enough said.

Constantly Striving ♥

Why is it that I'm now constantly thinking of how I can make money as I expand and grow left, right, front, back and center all while loving what I'm doing as I'm doing it. Cause I'm ♥ ing it guys.... I really am. I feel like I should have been doing what I am now so long ago. I don't even know what was holding me back. I guess a series unfortunate events led to something very fortunate and started to shed light on opportunities and chances I needed to take. There will always be consequences to things we choose to do, but when the outcome of success out weights the chances of failure. I rather take that chance to fail and strive the goals that were born from my dreams. Work hard. Strive for excellence in everything you do. Everyone will eventually see the fruits of your labor.

I am currently now hungry ... hungry for more . work, ideas, dreams, goals, art, design... LIFE.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Remembering The Days

I remember now how it all started. It was nearing the end of the night when the party was winding down, he walks up and asks kindly with the sound in his voice that it's been a long night and that look that he just took the chance to ask for a hug. He had already introduced himself to me before the party begun and we were all setting up. He left me that night wondering what that was all about. But brushed it off cause I had met SO many people that night at that party. But since that night I've always remembered him and at every party, if we saw each other he'd smile at me as he was DJing and I'd smile back with a wave. I realize now, during that time, he was never far away. Now Frankie Baby is sending me random songs, some are my favorite jams from back in the day. Here are just two of a dozen he's linked me. I heart the fact he's a music guy. I just love it!

Ethinic Heritage

I found it. I was curious this morning to find out more of this 1/16th that is a part of me. My dad's background is Chinese, FULL Chinese. My mom's side however. My Great Nana ( My Nana's mom, *Nana is the Grandma Term I use for my mom's side ) She was Kadazan ( A native to Sabah, Malaysia / Borneo ) . My mom is 1/4th making us her children. Me, my sister and brother 1/16th. I really don't know what this one 1/16th really make a difference, but I read up on it so it's my.. what I learned today. Apparently they were farmers of rice and made rice wine. Is this why my mom knows how to make rice wine?!

The Real Truth

Sometimes It Hurts. This Photographer is on the right track. This is the real truth.
I love it, cause ... it's real. The world touches us emotionally, we change it physically. We are given the great power of choice to change the world.

Since I'm on the subject of photography I forgot to blog about this awesome Promo that my friend posted on Facebook. NIKON, you kick ass! I love you.

Goals Update _ From Summer - Fall

  • LIFE GOAL _ Vacation Toronto
  • Get Camcorder ( So I Can Shoot Outside )
  • Design Jonny's Shirt ( MSS )
  • Design More . Upload More . Earn More
  • Start Painting Again =)
  • Do Crow Stunt
  • Get a new puppy Scooter.
  • Finish the book I started eight - ten years ago. ( Chapters thus far, 25 )
  • lose 20 pounds . Get my drivers learners again... . Go to the beach and just chill. . Take more photos for my stock images . Purge Most of X-bf stuff . Clean out my closet and sell / donate the items.

It's A Fine Day

I love this song. It takes me back when there were no worries. 2000-2001. Actually I think it takes me back even further before that. 35 Days Till Toronto. Today is Relaxing Day for me. Since my creative juices are all left me for a while. It's Cleaning Day too at home. So Mopping, Cooking, Shopping? Should I head out and get my camcorder today? My October Self Present of the Month.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Good Morning Good Night

I'm going to post two things one here... a couple days earlier this made me smile the the morning... too bad that morning wasn't this morning.
This morning I woke up, got ready and dressed for work. Went to go make breakfast. Being me I decided to make pancakes not just for myself but everyone else that was still sleeping. My mom *her weird self, who flew back on the 20th. She (like always) when I'm in the kitchen will come and disrupt and get in the way. She didn't do anything and just left when I told her to go back to sleep. I make pancakes from scratch and as they cook, I eat, I clean up all the dishes that I used during cooking and making and eating. And all the dishes left during the night from various people in the house. I finish cooking the last of the pancakes. Put them on a dish and leave them on the dining room table for everyone to eat when they wake up. I wash the pan and everything else used to cook the pancakes. Go to wash my face and brush my teeth and go put on cream and make up to get ready to leave. I look at the clock to find I'm running a bit late. I ask kindly for a ride. And I get scolded by the dad. He wonders why I woke up so early to make food and get ready. That I took Hours. *which I didn't. I woke up at 7 and was ready by 7:45. It took me 45 minutes to do all the things I did. I should have just left. Maybe I shouldn't have cooked breakfast for everyone. If I was going to get scolded for it. But that's just me. I never really just thought about me. I think about everyone else.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I'm so in LIKE

I don't want to say it yet. So I won't. I'll just describe it as ... So in LIKE.
I'll smile at the thought of him. At what he said, what he wrote, what he wishes. I'm all smiles. ... I am all smiles. I feel so Loved right now. I want to feel this all the time, up and down... I feel this and I know I will be alright.
I think it's time to Make my 86 Things to do in life 100.
(+) Ride an Elephant (+) See A Great Wonder of The world (+) See A Great Wonder of Canada (+) Experience A Romantic Dinner, All Dressed Up (+) Try Clubbing, Just Once (+) Be Serenaded, I Wonder How This Feels... (+) Get Engaged (+) Dance in Random Place, with someone, Randomly (+) Hit 1,000 Subs On Youtube (+) Sit & Enjoy the fine tastes of Wine. (+) Visit An Historic Spiritual Place (+) Camping, So I Can Watch The Sun Set/Rise Over The Lake As I Sit Next To A Fire. (+) Receive A Message On A Napkin. (+) Have Great Photos Taken Of Me ( in someone elses POV of me ), So I See The Beauty They See In Me.
here is my list... GOALS IN LIFE...UPDATED

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Hello, here is my infamous chocolate chip cookies.
Recipe: I don't know how many servings it makes cause I roll my cookies pretty small.
Butter _ 1 Cup
Brown Sugar _ 1.5 Cups
Eggs _ 2 to 3
Flour _ 3 Cups
Baking Powder _ 1 Teaspoon
Baking Soda _ 1 Teaspoon
Chocolate Bar _ 1

Stir in Butter and Brown Sugar Together. Beat in the Eggs. Combine the Dry ingredients and mix well. Chop up the Chocolate to bits and then fold into dough. With an Ice Cream Scooper roll the dough into the sizes you want. Place them dispersed from one another to they don't touch when baked on Parchment Paper On Cookie Sheet. Bake at 375 F. For 8 Mins.

If you are going to double the batch. I suggest you pick up one of those large PC chocolate bars at Superstore *if you are in Canada. They are the right amount to make 2 batches of these cookies. If you find its too crispy for your liking.. lessen your butter amount. I find that salted and unsalted butter does make a difference. But it's your preference what you like to intake. This recipe makes soft and chocolaty cookie.. it's just right.

Another Day To Live And Love

Hello... I didn't blog yesterday cause I was busy! I feel so tired these days. Downtown work is a hassle to get to in the mornings. I wonder when I'm on the train if I'm even recognizable to people who may have seen me on Youtube. LOL . And then I go on and hide my face with my hood up. I spent the morning in pain . I went to McDonalds to grab lunch yesterday, yeah I have been breaking diet a lot lately. But I got the fishy burger and fries and.. it's monopoly time and I had to redeem the thing I got from last time I just went in to get large fries. The lady there is super sweet. I think she thought I was philippino cause think she kept talking to me in it. @_@ . It stayed busy at work till the rest of the day. I hit up Safeway before heading home and got ingredients to make some more cookies. I ended up filming it and the video will be released hopefully later today. Last night before dinner, my brother gets on my case *again* The men of my family like to pick on me for some dumb reason. They think I'm like the biggest bitch *when I'm not*. Yes I am mentally abused at home... all the time. It's hurtful yes, but in reality I've grown to build a wall up towards them. I distance myself from them intentionally to protect myself from being hurt, if I didn't I would cry all the time at home. When I was in depression. My dad wasn't very kind to me at the time, in all honesty I came to have suicidal thoughts. *selfish* was what I came to the conclusion of suicide. I am not all cheery and smiles. I've dug myself out of that depression hole. Even in the last two months+ of emotional roller coaster. I'm glad I didn't fall back into that hole. I focus on living now. I've yet to complete the my goals in life. Happy Birthday to My Big Sis!
I'm in appreciation time right now with someone I know, he came back into my life and I can't really explain what it is I feel right now. But I've started writing again, my creativity has returned and I want to build my independence more. *sigh* I'm blogging and my brother walks into my room to ask me if I knew the long distance plan we have on our house phone. *cause I pay that bill* . We are still switching over and I don't understand why it's taking shaw so long. Brother tells me to just call in and bitch, like the one that I always am. < YES he just said that. *hurt* anyways yup. Gonna look into that right now...yes, when it comes down to things in the house, I am there to do it. Something up with a bill, I'm asked to look into it. Even if I don't pay that bill, or if it's an account not under my name. Even made to order pizza when the brother wants pizza... anyways got the house phone thing all sorted out. I'm going to be spending the day.. doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and editing my video. Designing... etc. Same old same old. *sigh* I NEED A HUG!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Trying To Find The Words

I don't think I need to anymore...when I heard this. I just think of ... you. *you know who you are. <3
I spent most of the day today organizing, taking photos of everything that I think I can sell off on ebay or give away. De-cluttering my life, you can say. Of a lot of little things I just never needed in my life to live it. I spent most of the day listening to Gabe *artist who sings in the video above* as I cleaned up. I filed away more bills and sorted out my notebooks. Planning my trip to Toronto. Chatted it up. And after 9pm, me and the cousin chilled on my bed as we watched Drag me to Hell. I was squeaking away here and there watching it. I hate creepy shadow horror things. I need someone to snuggle cuddle as I watch these scary movies. >_< . Maybe I shouldn't watch horror things on my own. I get a bit scared after in the dark alone. *counting down the days to TO. :D

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Last Winter Season

Yeah, last winter season I learned to finally carve in snowboarding.. yes only been up two seasons. I want to go again up there, but who I'm gonna go with?? I need to get over the fear of large hills and go fast! anyways this is for F.L baby. who is just learning. I watched these and kept repeating to myself the basic rules.

Comment Comment Time

Yup.. Every Tenth Episode I'm going to do Comment Comment Time for All the Redunkulous Comments I get. Some good Some Bad, but it doesn't really matter cause I really laugh off a lot of them. I really don't mind sexual comments, I'm pretty open minded that way. So Yeah, everyone's going to be game. There are lots of shout outs. Yeah I'm all tired looking too in the video cause it was majority filmed at 2am in the morning. I spent so much time trying to figure out how to place the comments on top of my video as it was going. Editing... how does everyone do it? Maybe Cause I'm such a noobie. And my Singing... wow... I'm nervous what people are going to say about my singing... BAD... I know... BAD.
YAY .. A CAUSE OF CELEBRATION.. 100+ SUBSCRIBERS.. yeah I am happy with 100 =) My fan base is growing and I love them all for it. I can't wait to hear the beat that Sundeep is going to be making for me as my theme song... I know whatever it is, its going to be sick.... SICK!

Ups Downs, Round & Round

I wake up and do my email checking routine. I always look forward to this now...because I always get a morning message from Frankie =) This is how I looked this morning before I went out, trust me I was all smiles. But you know it isn't gonna go right when you leave the house on time, still run along the way to catch the bus to only have it.. never show up ( unless it was early.. yeah Public Transit likes to come when it likes ) But no worries. If I miss it going one way, I take the other going the opposite direction. They both lead me to where I need to go anyways. I transfer buses, as I wait.. I close my umbrella and swing it to get all the water on it, off. ( I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that does this ) However I swung too hard and it just flew off! I mean I was left holding just the handle and that stem that .. oh whatever. I trash it cause the thing was falling apart anyways. Thank God I had left my other umbrella at work the other day *yes I am a smart cookie. =D . I work my butt off today. I met a new guy at work, Mike. Familiar face on that one, Mike from Coquitlam. I head home, before I do I go out and buy a box of Halloween candy, cause Sze *the older brother* wanted some KitKat, he's a chocolate-addict. I go home and am in a fix to get to my room to edit my video of the week some more and publish it. It's dinner time and not soon after, I'm hounded by the men in the family. YES. Every little thing I do at home seems to be placed under a magnified glass. I "should" be the one cooking for everyone, sweeping & moping the floor everyday, washing the dishes, putting them away, cleaning the household, cleaning up after everyone else, doing everyone's laundry, making the house look fantastic. And I should just do it when told by the men of the household without question or complaining. Cause my dad's says... He's trying to train me to be the "perfect house wife". Yes he said that to me. If I don't step up to the plate and do this and change the attitude *which he believes I have* that I'm going to be a fucking loser for the rest of my life. In all honesty, I've barely had time to take care of me and I have to step up to the plate to take care of everyone else in the family? I was selfish in the last three years. But I was in school and I just started to make income for myself. Is it that bad for me to focus on me once and a while? .. enough of that.. just let go. I wash the dishes. I put them away. I head to my room to finish editing my video of the week *while all upset with the bickering about ME* I got the new video up. =) something accomplished today. I log on to my facebook at the end of my day today to find a message from Frankie on my wall, left there from this morning. *smiles* he's so sweet.

Yesterday: Yesterday was... a good day, like baby would say. Every morning to say that. But yesterday I felt it. I finished my work early, so I had a half day. I walked down to Pacific Centre from work. I stop by HSBC building to check out the photography exhibit they have going on there currently. It was really beautiful. Photographs taken by people who make less than 1000$/month in income, who took photos with just the point and shoots film disposable cameras. They turned out really beautiful. Hope, was the topic of the show. photos of hope in the downtown east side community. There was one I was looking at and it make me think of Frankie. I thought to myself, he should stop once and while, though I know at work he's all rush rush rush. He has to pause once a while to feel it, even if it is for a second, in that chaos, there is beauty there. That there, he may be able to feel more alive than he realizes. *smiles to myself* Maybe I'm just talking nonsense. I head over the Pacific Center to do some luggage shopping. I need one for my trip to Toronto. I don't know if I should borrow from my parents because, I really don't feel the need to always seek help from them. I never have been one to ask for a lot from them. Look at what I found. Isn't that panda shirt awesome, i didn't get it. I want to really start spending smart. I fight shopping temptations now. I'm going throw in some random shots in here too.. okay?! haha okay

Well I hit up Metro, and Surrey Place Mall in my incredible search. I found that Winners is a winner! hahaha Best deals. Even though sears was having a sale. Did you see that photo I took. Of the new slogan I believe for BC? Super, Natural, British Columbia?! are you kidding me. Who came up with that? SUPER!?! .. really. Have they not thought that it would sound and look like they are saying it's .. supernatural? BC, is just full of ghosts.. no.. we're just SUPER natural. *sigh*
I met up with RanRan for a late belated birthday dinner. I get fish and chips, she gets a salad. she got me perfume that ... kinda suits me...very sweet smelling. LOL. I love it. We chatted and caught up. She shares with me her concerns of perhaps too soon. I stayed up thinking too of what she said and re-evaluating how I feel about it all. Really, I've never felt anything more natural, so much so that it just clicks. Of course everything takes time.
The packaging for that Wee Wee the Funny Guy is hilarious. I've been wanting to blog that for a while. The package designer for that one must have had a blast. And that spider I took a pic of, is by far the largest I've seen here in Canada. HUGE, wait.. maybe not. There was this one time when I lived in a basement, I was with my sister and I'm pretty sure that spider we saw was a tarantula that disappeared in the washroom. We were scared to pee in there for days.... DAYS!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Film, Edit, Meet, Laundry

Yeah I spent most of the day filming and editing and trying to figure how to use imovie. So I can make my video awesomeness! I will most likely have it up by tomorrow night. Friday morning at the earliest. Since I will be working DT tomorrow.
I went to another DM meeting, building a dream and goal.
Came home and chatted a bit with baby-boy Christian about me wanting to hip-hop dance.
I'm reminded of the korean dance crew that I fell in love a couple years ago. I love to dance just never got that into it or pursued it professionally. I dance to work out, that's about it.

How cool is it to find a hip-hop dance girl that has the same name. I LOVE YOU PREPIX!
Watching Hitch. Thinking about Frankie and counting down the days.
I forgot to do laundry...gtg.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What Keeps Me Going

I woke up this morning, check my messages <3 and find a message from my Mr.193. You're going to make me addicted to your messages. I showered and did something in my routine that I rarely do. Eat Breakfast. I rarely eat breakfast in the morning. Why? I'm never hungry in the morning. This morning... I thought I should since I need to make it all the way DT, hey why not. Indo Mei all the way. I get going out the door with dad all up in my ear about everything I already know ( as usual, since the split he's been over protective and treats me like I'm 16 -_- ) I'm already gone. His nagging caused me to be a bit late since I stopped to reply him a couple of times going back and fourth and I miss the bus when I was walking towards the bus stop. I didn't feel like running for it. Cause well.. I can catch the other one going the other way. The bus drivers this morning were very nice =) . I usually travel with headphones in my ear, but lately... I haven't, I guess I've gone back to watching the world. At work I start designing a website for a company in Surrey. I'm stumped part way doing it cause I'm restricted to design style. I burn out half way. I get a Jugo Juice Copa Banana and a large fries at Mc Donalds. The lady behind the counter was super nice too.. LOL .. Since large fries was all I ordered she was like.. "enjoy your large fries... don't eat too much. =)" hahahaha. still laughing at the fact. I head back up to the office to eat. I pass by two beggars. I don't know about the rest of the world, but I feel so heart broken when I walk by these people all the time. Am I too nice? I finish what I do by the end of the day and head home.

Oh yeah.. there's this white guy that works in my building that always seems to have a weird thing of looking at me. -_- but he never says anything to me. He looks at me like he knows me but I don't.. he sees me like he wants to talk to me but he doesn't. It's that awkwardness. FYI.. I think this guys like in his late 30's?? I dunno. JUST awkward!

Monday, October 12, 2009

I Can't Cook ... I Just Wing It

Here is my first try at cooking... a WHOLE chicken on my own. Yes. Mom's not in Canada, Dad is out for dinner with his friends or what not. I'm at home with my brother and cousin ( whom are both also adults ) and I'm stuck with cooking a whole chicken by myself?! WTF!   #1.  I can't cook. I was never taught, was always shooed out of the kitchen if I ever got too close.  But when I came of age... what... 18? My parents thought I should have known all the wisdom of the chinese culinary cooking arts would just pump out of my blood.  NO... NO it does not.  I may have the instinct of what can taste good with what but cooking it is a whole other different story.  What did I end up doing.  PLEASE... don't laugh.
I defrosted the whole mini chicken in the microwave. Then the frozen chopped mixed veggies, then the slices of ham.  ( My freezer can feed my family for a month - six months if a war were to hit, we are currently trying to clean it out ).  I chop up a big yellow onion. I cut up the ham and mix in a bowl, margarine, ham, veggies, onions. I stuff it up the thawed chickens butt. *giggles*  and last but not least I margine up the chicken as well before shoving it in the oven for an hour.

Outcome? ... NOT bad for my first try... the veggies were great and as for the little bit dried chicken...Worcestershire sauce made it taste ... MmmmMmmmMMMMm

Thank You God!

I'm Thankful, Not Just On Thanksgiving Day... But Everyday ♥ For the Life ... Death ... and everything that is in between. The ones who my life line has cross paths with... the people who were always meant to be there... That's YOU.  I love you... THANK YOU for being in my life.

Thank you for bringing someone back into my life. God. I owe  you one... LOL... I'll just be GREAT from here on out for you. Loving, Caring. Kind, everything at the best of my ability. WAIT... I do this regardless.

My Trippy Dream.I had a dream this morning. My dream was an amalgam weirdness.
I do everything in my power to run away and help the a girl that was being searched for her when she was trying to run away. She left a fake letter, with a fake logo of a fake school, she got away. Later on... they find out... I dreamt that same guys were trying to trap me. I escape from their confinement and travel across the island ( there are so many rich colored woods in this dream ). I stand on the other end... I'm on a floating dock.. I try to get other people's attention, I crash a travel boat full of tourists, but it doesn't help. They are too close into my reach and I strip down and jump into the water that surrounds so much of this dream.  Giant whales come swim towards me, Two of them. They are beautiful. They don't eat me... One swims by me...  another under me and picks me up as they travel along the surface of the water.  They take me away...... and I wake up.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago I wrote what I believed to be the meaning of life. Yes I kid you not. My train of thought has always been one that was mature. I'm quiet because I watch the world, people, emotions. I never shared my thought, my belief because I thought everyone will experience this and come to their own realizations, their own meaning of life. Who am I to say what it all means. It is different to everyone. This is my 16 year old mind seeing the world for what it was. Who I am, stems from these thoughts and beliefs.
Meaning of Life
I remember one night when I was lying in bed, with my eyes closed. I wasn't sleeping. Just lying there on my back breathing deeply and slowly. In my mind I was floating in deep space and all that I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding. BOOM boom BOOM boom. All of a sudden, all at once, all these questions filled my head referring to my past, present and future.

Why did you do this? Where are you heading? Where are you going to be in 10 years? Do you now how many people you've hurt? Do you know how many things you have achieved? How many people you've made smile? Did you change someone's life? Are you going to have children? ... etc.

When these questions disappeared, it was like waking from a nightmare. I was gasping for air, my eyes opened, I blinked once or twice, rolled on my side and closed my eyes again. I had that overwhelming feeling in my chest and I didn't know why. I started crying. I don't know why but I did. I realized as fast as those questions had aroused, I had answered them all just as fast. All in that split second, I knew it all. I knew and found my purpose, my meaning of life.

It is hard to explain. On paper or words, it is much more different than telling a story because this is not just any story but the story of your own life. It tells you who you are, it defines the very heart and soul of a human being and that is a very powerful entity. It defines the very heart and soul because it is the only thing that it questions. Where You Stand.

Control is a very important part of life. Knowing what you want and knowing what you need to survive. You have always held control over your own life, no matter what someone tells you. It may seem like you were a child, that you held no power to your own life cause your parents always told you what to do. Though you always held the key. The key to every door. The choice is of what doors to open and what doors to close. You control the very person that you are and your self-being. If someone reads your future, you are in titled to change it. You control your own destiny. You control what is right and wrong in your life. Though somethings you do not have the control over. You have the power of change. Knowing what you Want and Need is an essence. *Controlling Your Health. What you eat and what you feed your body is important. To poison yourself with things that may harm your body, you are not only harming your heart and soul but also the heart and soul of others. Knowing when you need more, when to say Yes and when to say No may change your life in ways you cannot imagine. *Emotional Control. When you let yourself cry, be happy, weak, strong. It defines who you are. If you have very good emotional control, you are a strong person. But if you are not well established with your self-being of your emotional control, you are either too emotional or too temperamental in what your reactions to situations may be. You may have a temper that you cannot control. At times that can get you out or in trouble, so be careful. Everyone must know this. Inside everyone, they have: A Little Child, A Wise Person, A Bitch / Jerk. Know when you let your little child inside you shine and play and when to put them away and take care of them. The child inside you is your weakness where you are most vulnerable. When people attack you and all you can do is cry. Letting yourself be struck down, you are letting yourself be a victim. Sometimes it is alright to let yourself be that inner child. To let yourself cry your eyes out. Sometimes it is not.

There is nothing denying the fact that you are that child that is precious in every way.

LOVE is ever so important in everybody lives. It can change in an instant with the wrong moves. With the right ones, it's the best thing in life. Mostly everybody holds love as an important aspect in his or her life. Of Course! Everyone needs companionship at one point in his or her life. Someone to show them love and to support them. Everybody has an ideal picture of his or her true love. The One. Understanding each other with unimaginable odds. Fulfilling the fantasies of their hearts and soul. Many value love highly and some play it like a game. Those who play the games are playing a very dangerous game. Taking chances and seeking the thrill that is deadly. An important aspect in life that creates large influences are friendships. There are people out there that over look this aspect. This Treasure. Friendship Companionship is one thing that everyone must feel. It is one thing that is most likely compared with love, a very similar thing. You can sometimes explain it with words, and sometimes you can never put it into words at all. It is a very complicated subject. Just Like Love. It is valued within everyone. Just like love it's unpredictable. Promises are made and some are broken. Sometimes in the end someone gets hurt. Knowing they ( your dear friend ) were intentionally abused or hurt, emotionally or physically OR if someone hurt you enough, you will always remember it is now a part of you. Sometimes someone feels the greatest love that they can ever experience, just knowing that someone cares, that someone really loves them. Because they are not your family, they are no way related through blood at all. It is just that feeling that someone truly will always be there for you. That someone is a friend that cares.

Nothing is meant to be confusing. It is not meant to play games. It is meant to let one understand.
The world is nothing as it seems. It all depends on the way that you look at it. A friend told me once, "people fear what they do not understand."  That is why people are educated everyday. We are taught values from our parents and teachers, skills that enable us to live life without fear but understanding. To live and make our own decisions wisely. The kind of decisions that may affect us for the rest of our lives. I believe that one must open up, relax, listen to their heart and understand what they need and want in life before making those heart to heart decisions. It can be a tough or forgiving world out there and it may be surrounded by hatred or love. Both of these are contradict each other and both are very powerful. They have already changed the lives of many and are going to continue to change the very lives of everyone else at one point in their lives. For the worst or the best. But to find the meaning of life, the beginning and the end, life and death. To understand these things you must embrace it. Neither is meant to be a punishment from God. It is not God that punishes people. It is people who punish people. Many in this world are quick to embrace the thought of life; a new birth and many are quick to reject the thought fo death, believing it is a cruel and harsh reality for life. It is all very simple. Life is death and death is life. Death is simply another way of saying, time to move on. The purpose of that person was meant to live. The message they were to deliver was completed. Having lived and understood their physical selves. That is the beginning and the end. But what is the soul purpose of everything that is in between?  The answer is everything and nothing. What answer do you want? It is most likely you will choose everything. Am I correct? Life is as it is. It has made you who you are today, every experience that you have been through has shaped you in every way to be strong, weak, loving and caring. For the ups of course there are going to be downs, but one mustn't give up if they want to succeed. Where are you heading if you were to give up the things that you ever desired? Giving up chances that you one day will regret.

Once and a while God will be kind and if you are willing to understand and accept your wrong doings ( regrets, doubts, fear, mistakes ) he will give you a second chance to make those wrongs _ right. Life will never simply hand someone everything that they ever desired on a silver platter. No matter how perfect they seem, how their life is filled with happiness or riches. If they all exist for all the wrong purposes and used to desecrate the lives of others. No matter how perfect they are, it will all fall apart. Life for them will be unfulfilled and true happiness would have been created by nothing that is truly from the heart of others but from the hands. Mere objects. If one lived and died having feared more than courage, hatred than love, denied than accepted and refused to understand. Then they never truly lived. Every single person on earth alone is responsible to choose the path of his or her own life. Other people around them that come and go are simply parts. Parts of their life, how significant those people are is up to his or her choice. That person should always remember that: That person is part of your life, you are also a part of theirs. Your happiness or negativity will rub off and can affect others.

My meaning of life is to experience everything and anything that I can. To live life to the fullest but still hold my head up with pride and honor. I want to be happy and share that with others. If I can make someone else smile for even a moment in a sad day, my day has been worth wild. If I can change how someone looks at themselves differently, for the best that they can ever be and grow up to be great and well known, my life has been worth wild. I want to be hope and happiness. I want to be the light. I want to guide those who are walking in the dark that are lost. I want to help them find their way. There is no doubt about it that I'm trying to succeed my goals in life. Though I am not all about cheery smiles and that giggly person. Most times I will give my utmost honest opinion when you ask something from me. If that is I think you can take it. But I was also taught in the way that somethings are better left unsaid. For happiness, I am already happy with my life. I have loved and felt love from others, some not as much as I hoped for, some more than I thought. I have made others smile and brightened up their day. I have made someone look upon themselves differently for the best. I have changed someones life. I am a good person. I am also a bad person. The rest of my life I will be happy, Glad. But for one moment if I were to give up my happiness, one moment in life for the happiness of someone else, I would do it. If I believe that you can be happier then I for that moment in life. I will let you be. I think everyone should share their happiness and hard times, no matter what they are. Someone else can help you out. They may understand, help you cope, comfort you and share your journey of life.

The other thing that people need to have through this journey of life is TRUST. This is not the type of trust that comes from the mind, that you think you can trust them. This is the kind of trust that comes from the heart. That you KNOW you can trust them. You can trust them with the most important thing that you hold power to the most. Your life. I trust many people and I believe many people trust me with their secrets. But secrets are never really secrets. Unspoken words are secrets, unknown doings and fantasies. So everyone has his or her own little secrets. I alone trust a lot of people, maybe simply I would like them to trust me too. To let them know I am a kind person.

That I am a person.~

 I'm now 26, My Meaning to My life has grown. I have simplified my thoughts. Live. Love. Grow.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Salam

If you don't know about this sandwich place in Surrey, you're missing out my friends.
It's the BEST! The best meat, the Cheese... the owner! ahhh I heart you Salam Kahil!

Located: 19080 - 96th Ave Surrey, BC.

There are two kinds of Libras... when we become social butterflies. we are daring and charming and.. there are the ones that have yet to spread their wings.  I'm spreading more than before. I'm letting the world see my colors. I hope they are beautiful, cause a butterfly never really sees the color of their own wings.

Today I've been listening to music by an artist named: LIGHTS
Really loving it right now. The music is very much , re-birth kind of style.  Really Great.

Mr.193 <3   you're like sunshine. You just seem to brighten up my days now.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Working Away

I did a number of things today. Finishing of my Quebec clients work. Designing their new Christmas Card for this year. I had a great time designing it, but slacked back as I took my time in between taking a bunch of breaks. Emailing friends and chatting it up with people. Chris* ( god bro ) negativity is overflowing. Maintaining at Zero is one thing he needs to learn. To let go. To realize that the world is more than meets the eye and that you'll be the better person for it when you live to better the lives of everyone, instead of the hurtfulness that may linger in your heart right now. Don't keep it in, don't dwell upon it. Let it go. If you don't, it will poison your soul. You'll hate more than just the people that you do loath right now. You'll slowly start hating yourself. You never want to do that. Love yourself for everything you are. You'll open up more to a lot more things. You're living your life with your eyes half shut and take it as it is. When you're ready to grow and really open up and surrender yourself to these experiences, you're going to see not how it is, but how it can be. Only then you'll be better for it. I'm the kind of person that see things for what they can be, not how they are.

Mr. CC's scratching bugged me out and so I had to give him a bath. This time I put that remedy stuff on him so the fleas don't like him anymore. He seems to be very worried about me. Following me. I know he's loves me, but having to sleep with the light on just sucks now. I'm going to turn it off anyways. Goodnight Blog.

I can't wait till the morning. <3

Knowing Your Worth

I'm filling out the papers for an up coming art show here in Vancouver which I would like to participate. I've gotten the name picked out for my painting but what I've yet to fill out is the price. What price am I willing to let one of my paintings go at. This painting isn't just any painting, it's one of my best ones. It's one of those ones where it was so good I know my art teacher ( who passed ) was guiding me through it.

Sean wanted me to put this up. so I guess I will just for the hell of it.
"The real die young and the fake die last. Baby who knows how long we will last..."

It's been really hard for me lately to let others know of someone who's come back into my life in the last couple weeks. He stepped back into my life when I was maintaining at "Zero" and let go of the fact of searching for anyone. He comes back into my life and pushed me up to this point where I'm smiling all day. I'm Happy! I'm feeling like this is how I should be feeling all the time. That we should not be any other way. I'm so grateful he's back. His absence was long but maybe during that time was when I needed to grow, to learn, to become the person I am today. More Honest, Wiser, Open ... and daring.

Ahhh Sean, are you also going to convince me to move to T.O. as well???

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Happy Hump Day

How I lost 20 Pounds. click here to send you to the blog post.  Before and after pictures can be found HERE.  Well in todays video I talk a lot and I hope I don't bore everyone to death. I'm very happy and I hope that rubs off on people.  I woke up so early this morning but I didn't care, I had great sleep even though my lights were on.

There are a couple of places I mention in my video where you can get vinyl toys from.
Voltage ( on main ):
Headquarters ( on burrard )
El Kartel ( on robson ):

There is one more place that I do hit up to get vinyls and that's in Richmond and that is in Aberdeen Centre a place called: beans

I'm starting to burn out I guess it's time to eat something. I'll take a nap a little later on.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

The Sweetest Things

Lets just wrap up for the day.
I did so many things today on my TO DO list for today. I sent off the logo to Sean, Made my filming list, I emailed cousin Jonny the filming list, Vacuumed, Steam cleaned my carpet, Mopped the house, Did the Laundry, Emailed and Deleted photos.

Well enough with the summary of boring things but I just want to talk about the sweetest things. There are always going to be a series or events that happen and are meant to happen in peoples lives, whether you see this or not is all on perception and realization. Through these events we grow, we love, we cherish the memories and moments that were created. Sometimes we regret ( I hate that word ) but I live trying not to regret a lot in my life. Most of all we learn to forgive. In the last couple months, I've learned to let go of certain beliefs. Ideas that were mere lies to myself. I've opened up in more ways than one, I am literally trying to come out of a shell. I thought I did this years ago but that was merely one stage of emergence. I don't know what stage I am now but I know the way I want to live by. I currently exude positivity. I feel it as though it's radiating from my skin and this sensation I have in my heart I truly feel that others should feel this as well. It's happiness at neutrality. I am not overly happy. I'm not sad.

I've come to forgive and let go of a series of events that has happened since the split that has caused me a lot of hurt. I knew coming out of the last relationship would be one of the hardest things to do since it was a estimate of an 8.5 year relationship. Right now in my life, even the short time since I last came in contact with the X, I've changed. Little as a day, a week, a month it can change someone's life. I want nothing but the best for him now and I truly mean that. Just as long as he is happy then I'll be glad.

Am I in Love?  I'm feeling something I can't even describe in my life right now cause I've never really felt this before... either that or I haven't felt this way in a long time. All I know is that it feels more right than anything else. I feel no hesitations. I'm ready more than ever to go on my trip to Toronto, to check out the art and design scene there. Not only that but to grow, live and love there. I am also taking in much consideration into perhaps moving there, in all honesty, there isn't very much holding me here in Vancouver anymore. I do have obligations here still, but what I'm trying to build and established is very flexible. What I do I can do from any city in the country, given that they have internet access.

Monday, October 05, 2009

=( The Opening Game

Yes I went to the opening game of the Vancouver Canucks. I had faith in them to win but they didn't pull through. My H.Sedin Got a goal which gave me points on my fantasy pool team, but Luongo caused me to lose points. I'm so sad about that. But it was a good outlet. Screaming and cheering. I'm such a loud fan. And I realized I'm expressive person when it comes to music. I'll move to a good beat, anywhere, anytime with anyone.

One Missed Day

I didn't blog yesterday on one account. I was SO tired. I not only had a huge lack of sleep due to my obsessive and whimpering dog. I was asked in the mid early afternoon if I wanted to join my sister and her fiancee and sister for a hike. I asked how long and I was assured that it would only be one hour or so. I turned out to be a four hour long hike in a park in North Vancouver, Lynn Headwaters Regional Park. Though it was a good work out and I brought along my D60 to work on my photography skills and to build my stock photography collection. It was a 4 hour hike. I come home, chat to Sean, help him out with his logo redevelopment and I'm out. I lay back into bed, curl up and fall a sleep, I leave my door open for the dog, I hear him whimper at my bed wanting to sleep with me but I ignore him and I get the best sleep I've had in a long time. Here are some pics from our Hike.

My sister climbing a tree, a mushroom who's top looks like a burger, Me, Joey Dog, and nature shots. One question...if there are bears in this park, how come I'm carrying all the food?

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Broken Bottles & Run Away Dog

Mr. CC in the last 4 days has gone missing 5 times. 2 times today.
He kept me up again this morning, I love pandas and all but looking like one due to the lack of sleep is just NOT COOL. This morning I was already up before I started messaging back and forth my FRNZ Friend all the way in Toronto. Who was getting their eyes checked. Amazing that they were even able to read my text messages with their eyes all dilated. I head out to return some cans and bottles at the bottle depot. Only to lose some as I opened the trunk of the van. The blue bin which was filled with cans and glass bottles had some how slid to the back and tipped over a bit leaning up against the trunk door. I open it and... they came clashing down. We lose about a handful of glass bottles but they're nothing to cry over. Our return gets us nothing but bus fare. We get home only find that CC had escaped again in some magical way. I run down and around the block, our neighbors say they haven't seen him go by. I go a little further and find him, I call out to him. He turns and stares at a truck to our right and starts to walk towards it as though he thought it was me. I approach him with a surprise and he catches my movement and realizes that truck wasn't me and starts to come towards me. He follows me part way home, a quarter of the way in he spots a family on their lawn and decides that he would like to join them. I chase after him like he's a child wanting to make friends. I carry him the rest of the way home in my arms. I spend most of the day watching "How I Met Your Mother". Hilarious, the writers of this series are pure geniuses. I pull down my boxes from my closet again and sort out some more things for donation, e-baying and recycling. I wonder if I want to sell of some collections I have but the love for them is what makes me think that I should keep them... Oh my super bikes. I look some more into what I can do while in Toronto. The vinyl toy stores and art scene is making me excited. Thinking of seeing my old friends again that moved there make me smile. My dad comes home and a little while later he alerts me to the fact that CC is gone again. This time my neighbors were quick to chase him down and return him. I wonder when ARE we going to just lose him one day, as in him running away.
He does love to escape. Maybe I should follow his lead and just escape as well. =)

I've taken off my status on facebook for two reasons. One. I really don't care for others knowing if I'm looking or not, cause I've stopped. Like I've said, I'm letting the universe do all the work. Though I am currently single, I don't really feel like playing the game anymore. Since the split I've been playing the game a little and it makes me sick to be honest. Hearing the let downs of them believing and telling me how I am not "healed" that I am still not "okay". Yes, I am bitter a bit for having been dumped. The one that I want to be with will and wants to be with me will realize that what I am most bitter about is Time. I lost a lot of that. Like a lost investment. You can't get that back, you can make back what you lost, but you still lost that time and effort, who wouldn't be bitter about losing an investment that you've placed so much in if it was an 8 year investment? All my past relationships have always taught me something. This last one has too. Only now I truly know what I'm looking for in a guy in MY perception of perfect and I know how I would like to be treated through that. I shouldn't settle for what may be second best anymore. They should just be the best.

Two. If things happen from here on out, they will just happen. If love finds me or has already found me and only reveals itself now. I will eventually let everyone know. At my own time, my own pace with my own reasons.

Sometimes all the qualities you're looking for when to buy an automobile can only be found in a motorcycle.
I am a motorcycle in the sea of automobiles.

What I Look For.... *updated.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Excited and Craving

For More... Well this morning I woke up with a smile, I don't remember the last time I did. I decided to do something that some advised against but I just did it. I wrote a long e-mail to the mother of my X boyfriend. Apologizing for the fact that I was never really myself when I was around her. I also noted to her that I thought she was a great mom. Intimidating but still great. I thanked her for the memories, and wished her and her family nothing but the best. And that was it. That's the summary. I wrote to her in the spirit of a project that I've been planning to launch for sometime now. I took one step closer and contacted a friend to see if he would like to help me out with this project. Now it is in the works more than ever. Note: *You always need the right people to work with. It makes a difference. It really does.

I sign up with a design site to help me make some more income =) now I'm looking into all the rules and regulations. Before I can do anything else. Around Noon-ish I get an unexpected call from Toronto, all that showed up on my phone were digits. At first I had no idea who it was until they started asking about my day. It clicks in my mind cause the last time I heard their voice was years ago. All the way back in 2001. My lord, that was so long ago. But it was nice. Not too long after, my flight is booked. I find myself heading for T.O. at the end of Nov. I'm excited to see what this new 26th chapter in the book of my life will reveal. All new characters coming into the story. Old ones are leaving while others are returning to thicken the plot.
I wonder, what is Toronto known for? What charm can I get from there that I can add to my charm bracelet. I started watching a new television series my sister said I should watch, called: How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris is just awesome in this series. It really makes me laugh. I wonder will I have kids one day and will I get the chance to tell them the story of how I met their father. I made dinner tonight, it didn't turn out perfect but it was good. Salmon, two styles. One is a bacon wrapped style with butter, onions, mushrooms spiced with pepper. And another is with lemon.

I had to remove some strips of bacon from the wrapped ones cause I was advised 4 was too many... and my dad was right... LOL. but Look at my pretty pics. mmmMmmmmmMMMm. I find myself constantly having to organize and re-organize since I'm pushing some things out of my life. Making way for new ones to come in. I have this bubble of positivity that currently surrounds me. I hope one day my friends you feel this with me and build upon it. ;) Hello and Goodbye.