Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Another Day To Live And Love

Hello... I didn't blog yesterday cause I was busy! I feel so tired these days. Downtown work is a hassle to get to in the mornings. I wonder when I'm on the train if I'm even recognizable to people who may have seen me on Youtube. LOL . And then I go on and hide my face with my hood up. I spent the morning in pain . I went to McDonalds to grab lunch yesterday, yeah I have been breaking diet a lot lately. But I got the fishy burger and fries and.. it's monopoly time and I had to redeem the thing I got from last time I just went in to get large fries. The lady there is super sweet. I think she thought I was philippino cause think she kept talking to me in it. @_@ . It stayed busy at work till the rest of the day. I hit up Safeway before heading home and got ingredients to make some more cookies. I ended up filming it and the video will be released hopefully later today. Last night before dinner, my brother gets on my case *again* The men of my family like to pick on me for some dumb reason. They think I'm like the biggest bitch *when I'm not*. Yes I am mentally abused at home... all the time. It's hurtful yes, but in reality I've grown to build a wall up towards them. I distance myself from them intentionally to protect myself from being hurt, if I didn't I would cry all the time at home. When I was in depression. My dad wasn't very kind to me at the time, in all honesty I came to have suicidal thoughts. *selfish* was what I came to the conclusion of suicide. I am not all cheery and smiles. I've dug myself out of that depression hole. Even in the last two months+ of emotional roller coaster. I'm glad I didn't fall back into that hole. I focus on living now. I've yet to complete the my goals in life. Happy Birthday to My Big Sis!
I'm in appreciation time right now with someone I know, he came back into my life and I can't really explain what it is I feel right now. But I've started writing again, my creativity has returned and I want to build my independence more. *sigh* I'm blogging and my brother walks into my room to ask me if I knew the long distance plan we have on our house phone. *cause I pay that bill* . We are still switching over and I don't understand why it's taking shaw so long. Brother tells me to just call in and bitch, like the one that I always am. < YES he just said that. *hurt* anyways yup. Gonna look into that right now...yes, when it comes down to things in the house, I am there to do it. Something up with a bill, I'm asked to look into it. Even if I don't pay that bill, or if it's an account not under my name. Even made to order pizza when the brother wants pizza... anyways got the house phone thing all sorted out. I'm going to be spending the day.. doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and editing my video. Designing... etc. Same old same old. *sigh* I NEED A HUG!
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