Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dreaming of Happiness

I woke up this morning from a dream I can hardly remember. I remember bits and parts. I remember entering a dark and sketchy store. In the front of the store were glass counters with nice and old antique watches inside them and on top in little containers. The rest of the little shop that reminded me more of a little little motel room were scattered with mattresses. I remember thinking to myself looking and touching the edges of these mattresses if they were used. Gross. I however was not alone in my dream. I did not walk into the this little shop by myself I was accompanying my *Yi Paw* in mandarin that's my grandma's sister. So my second grandma would be the proper translation of that. She looks closely at these watches and as for me, I can care less for the unkempt pieces. She sends me off and about and I head out making my way around a dark and night on the streets of a city. Making my way around a small mall and my way back home. I don't remember where home was and I eventually find myself with FL, I am so glad to see him we wrap our arms around one another, we kiss passionately and I rest my head on his shoulder / chest area, I feel a his lips kiss my forehead and I wake up with a smile.
My heart wakes up happy, but it quickly saddens as I know reality. I'm a realist. As much as I love that love. I know I can't always get what I want. God will grace me with it when the time is right. Or when it presents itself. Regret nothing, in the pursue of it and know and understand things from all aspects. Never close your eyes to the possibilities of what can be.
I done a few things since returning. Today I payed my bills. Checked if my transfers of funds into my saving accounts if they went through. I signed up with a stock photo site to sell off some stock images as I grow my photography skills. I look into getting either a part time job or in search of more fine art opportunities with networking and expanding myself in that aspect with community events. I had thought deeply in working with sick kids, perhaps something to do with art therapy. But I always thought that needed me to have some kind of training to having to deal with sick kids. But I think I should look into it since it's really something I've always wanted to do. MY HEART IS VERY BIG. I need to take some time and paint more as I plan to put on an art show in the near future. I need to make enough income to support that dream so I will be focusing. Rebuilding my online portfolio as I moved it onto the new system and is now being more organized. I have been updating that as well since coming back. I've cut my panda collection in half. I really realized what I didn't miss when I was gone is not what I really didn't need. I discovered in Toronto that I am hungry to put on my art show as I was a little disappointed about the call for artists at Steam Whistle Brewery poster I had come across. I don't have near enough art pieces in Toronto alone to do a show there as much as I wanted to submit and throw an art show in that space, it would be nothing but a dream come true. That space was beautiful. I also realized that my imagination is not far from being extinguished as I do crave to become a more well rounded artist in everything I do. I will be doing more time lapse videos and should look into researching for a time lapse video editing program. I seriously don't know where to start besides google. I wish I had a handful of friends at my dispense whom I can just contact and ask but I'm currently just starting to build that as well. My 26th year is 2-3 months in and there is more to come. My close friends are noticing my ambitions so much they feel it. I talk with a passion because it's what it is. I don't want to lose that. It's what I need to do.
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