Monday, March 29, 2010

Reflections of Oneself

There are so many out there that don't take the time to listen.
I'm not talking about listening to others. I mean listening to themselves. To their hearts, goals, desires and problems. I'm currently in the state of well being of rebuilding myself in a lot of ways. My heart especially. The dating world was a difficult one for me. The relationship world was even more scaring on my heart. My relationships never ended that well in the past. It seemed like a never ending cycle of when a boy would break my heart, then I end up breaking another boys heart. But the ones I choose to end things with were always due to the change of heart of it knowing that that boy wasn't the one. The others however were either they broke up with me or they cheated on me, or broke my heart in some way. I must say they did all leave me with one thing. Disappointment. With disappointment I lost faith in love. The kind of love that would leave me madly in love. Where someone proposes to me, where we get engaged, get married have kids and live happily ever after. The happy kind of love you give and get fully in return. I have lost faith in this kind of Love. Where I simply now will love and love. But expect nothing from it. What do I mean by this? I can love easily, but I simply don't expect to receive it back anymore. I don't even know if that kind of love exists for me anymore. That future. Isn't that train of thought ... SAD? my heart breaks a little that any part of me even feels that way... but it's the truth. Sometimes I envy those in great relationships, then I stop myself as I feel envy. As it poisons my soul. As it makes me feel ugly.

I have to believe in love again. Forgive the ones that had left their marks on my heart. Unquestionably love myself again from every aspect. With who I am, what I do, and the path I choose to travel. When the choices I make become clearer, when my heart is lighter. When I love harder with out trying it is only then my eyes will see True Love again in all things.
Post a Comment