Sunday, April 11, 2010


I cut my hair today. Trimmed it down a couple inches. I have to admit I kind of messed it up... But I fixed it the best I can... Maybe I should just find a hair stylist! hahaha... But the last time I did that they kind of messed up my hair.

As I was changing my hair, I was thinking of change.
How people were telling me how the Trevor, the X has changed. The more I was trimming I came to realize. What happens if he's just being who he really is NOW. And the guy before was never who he really was when he was with me. That he hasn't really changed at all, that he changed when he was with me. The person people are dissatisfied with at the moment is the real him. Just a thought.

It's nice out today, should I go for another run? ugh... I'm feeling kind of sore. Maybe I should focus on my abs today. take the dog out for a walk. I want to paint, but I want to record it when I do, I'm waiting for the camcorder to return to me.

I want to go see the sister, but as always the family never asks me if I want to go with them. I'm starting to think they don't think of me as a family member at all!

I'm starting to think I shouldn't hide anything about myself to people I care for anymore. It creates more heartaches to me to hold something back.

If people love me, miss me and want to be with me. They should just tell me. I'm so sick and tired of people holding back their true feelings. I feel like.. I'm on this earth for how long? I don't even know. I can go out today and get hit by a car, fall into a coma, die. What I've always wanted to say could never be again and what others want to tell me can never be told to me. Time.. The right time, the wrong time? Having time is a lie, cause it goes on with or without you.
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