Tuesday, May 04, 2010

If I'm Meant To

So what if I'm on the verge of tears when I get a stomach ache.
So what if I close my eyes and feel his touch, and when my mind thinks of love it thinks of him now. But logic tells me that it's not real love if it's not returned. If it's not returned, it wasn't meant for you.
So what if your chest hurts sometimes and your short of breath. Remember to breathe and that your heart still beats.

So what if you're that much closer to death... you were meant to live to be here for a reason.

Money is money, it can bring happiness through things, to bring your being perception of social status. But we weren't meant to live our lives to experience the gain of objects. We can't take it with us when we die. We however take with us the knowledge of emotions and experiences that life had given us... of faith, sadness, happiness, hope but most of all love.

Love to me is the summary of all emotions, but only of the truest ones, it's faith at it's purest, it's happiness unfazed, it's confidence at it's boldest, it is understanding with the knowledge of two of the most complex unexplainable organs in the human body...the mind and the heart, speaking in perfect communication. But REAL love between two people surpasses this and does not only happen within one person, but two separate beings.

The sun has come out when I have reached this revelation.
I smiled today when I realized. If I'm meant to die, I'm meant to die.

But I'm waiting for that, I'm waiting for the moment and wonder when I'll feel shivers from a kiss again. That this man could be is the one, is not just a though but reality. When my heart and mind speak in communication with not only myself but with someone else.

One step forward two steps back.

I wonder sometimes how easy it was for him to move on, and I wonder why he's so happy now and not me and I feel this ugly envy start to grow and I snuff it out with the thoughts and whispers in my ears that that isn't who I am. I'm not that ugly person that wonders and envy's those who are not deserving of it. Because life is now giving you the opportunity to remember other priorities. You've given so much of yourself away...it's time to find yourself...your sacrifices were so many, and that's why the wounds are so deep. You loved with your last will and it simply wasn't appreciated. When you should be appreciating yourself. You've given all you've had to give..... you've given...

Do you have anything left?

.

?

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Just ... One ... More ... Piece ...

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