Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Why Ry

ahhh I'm missing him. I find it sweet how he tries his best to text me before he goes to sleep. ♥ I'm going to try my best to try to get my sexy body for beach wear! I wanna go swimming in the ocean this summer or at least lounge in the sun!

I'm very excited when Ry returns from his trip. I want to see the photos and a part of me wants to see how much he sweated it out there.

I haven't blogged cause there isn't much to blog. I've been experiencing light headaches that comes and goes on Monday but today I felt fine. I had to wake up early to work before going to work. But that's life.

I admitted to Ry that our first kiss gave me chills. It was a little peck and still it gave me chills. His kisses make me weak in the knees. It's crazy! I didn't even know a guy could do that to me any more to be honest!

Ugh I have a bruise on my arm on my left arm. It's true colors came out.. today.
I downloaded apps for my iphone but then realized I have no way to upload them to my phone because the applications tab is missing. My phone version is too old. I think I'm going to be eagerly awaiting the new iphone. I majority have mine for what it's known for. Holding songs and talking on. LOL.

I'm scrolling through looking at how cheap imacs are today, and the ipad makes me think. It has the possibility of pushing digital magazines to the next level and print magazines to think differently. Not just print mags but the print industry.

I went for a 5K run my time was 38mins. I have to admit I did walk for parts of it but I had a good pace most of it. I should run harder next time. I'm determined to get my beach body. The body I've always wanted, the body I strongly believe I deserve.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Libra Horoscope for June 2010

By Susan Miller

This month has a little of everything. Three big planets are moving into new signs, so life will begin to feel very different. It won't be a slight change, like, "today I will wear a red sweater instead of a blue one." Rather, you are ready for more massive and radical change, and the planets will be ready to provide precisely that.

Something else about June will be different. While the first half of the month will be breezy and comforting, like soft music playing in the background, the second half will be jarring and discordant, a little like the sound of a piano falling down a flight of stairs. It is simply remarkable how such very different aspects could possibly crowd into one little teacup of a month.

Knowing this means you should be assertive during the first part of June, and more observant and less active after the Sun moves into Cancer on June 21. As June begins, the Sun will be in Gemini, a lovely place for you, for it's an air sign, like your sign of Libra. Later, we have a major eclipse in Capricorn on Saturday, June 26, so you will want to be completely finished with your talks and initiatives by then, and hunker down to see what comes up.

Let's start at the top and go through the month week by week. Late last month, Uranus entered Aries for the first time in decades. Few people today were alive during the last visit of Uranus to Aries, which occurred from 1927 to 1935. Even if you were alive then, chances are you were too young to remember much of what happened back in those days.

It's exciting to see a completely new trend start up. The place that Uranus visits in a chart suggests where you will experience your greatest excitement and stimulation now and in years to come. From now on, your biggest area of surprise and excitement will come through your partner - whether that person is someone you are deeply committed to romantically, such your spouse (or with someone in a similar type arrangement), or in business.

Uranus won't stay long. He is simply giving you a preview of a longer trend that will start next year. This year, Uranus will remain in your marriage / serious partnership sector (seventh house) until August 14. Next year, Uranus will re-enter this house on March 11, and will remain there until 2019.

Planets that spin on the outer edges of our solar system usually have a much greater influence on our lives than the ones that revolve close to the Sun. This is because outer planets move more slowly and remain in a house much longer - and therefore have more of a sustained influence. It takes Uranus 84 years to circle the Sun, spending seven years in each house he visits.

With Uranus in your seventh house, you may be attracted to someone highly creative who works in the arts, the sciences, or one of the high tech industries, for Uranus is associated with innovation and even genius. This person may be a bit idiosyncratic, but you seem to like that quality now.

Uranus brings with him his trademark volatility. Whatever you think you can expect from a partner probably won't materialize - something else will. As you will see in a moment, your surprises at the onset of this year and in the first half of 2011 will likely be very positive.

Let's say you've been married for years. One day your mate may come home and say she or he wants to pursue a completely different career. He or she may want to attend school at night to gain proficiency in something very different, say, to become a chef, and leave the world of accounting. Radical changes are common when Uranus comes by, and we will talk more about this in my future reports to you.

What makes June so remarkable is that Jupiter has been moving at the speed of light and is now zooming straight out of Pisces and into Aries. This is probably not pleasing the Pisces among us one bit, as they assumed that they could count on Jupiter being at their side for a full year, as is typical. Up until now, they've had less than five months with this planet of good fortune and gifts, and now he is moving to Aries!

Jupiter will remain in Aries only from June 6 to September 9 when it will return to Pisces until January 22, 2011. After that, this planet of good luck will be back to Aries to fill your marriage sector, to remain until June 4, 2011.

Here's an important point to keep in mind about the orbit of planets. When I mention that a planet is moving fast for its own orbit, it means that planet is very potent, and you would feel the effects of that planet much more than if it were slowing down to get ready to retrograde, or actually be retrograde. (Alas, a retrograde planet is a very sleepy, lethargic planet.) Jupiter has not been retrograde this year, which is why the Pisces had such a strong Jupiter at their side. While in Pisces, you hosted Jupiter in your house of health and work projects, and both of these areas of your life benefitted.

As said, Jupiter will be back to Pisces from September 9, 2010 to January 22, 2011, so again, you will have a chance to improve these areas of your life, and that includes increasing your fitness level. (Indeed, having Jupiter in the sixth house is, I have found, the best place for getting fit and toned - miraculously so - if you just show some effort.) You will also find really wonderful projects to work on, and even find side jobs to do if you'd like to earn more money.

In the meantime, Jupiter will be in your partnership house all summer (or if you live in the Southern Hemisphere, all winter), bringing you all kinds of good fortune from a partner who cares about you. Of all the people in your life, it will be your partner who will bring you your biggest benefits.

If you want to find a new job, for instance, a headhunter would be quite helpful to you now, rather than trying to find a job on your own. If you are a screenplay writer, perhaps you might consider working with a writing partner, or if not, then to work with an agent who will represent your work.

If you want to open a business, you might want to consider having a partner. There is no law that says you have to invite that person into a 50-50 partnership. If the business is your idea and you have most of the expertise, you can have a 70-30 partnership, or whatever you think is fair.

The interesting part about all of this is that the seventh house is Libra's natural house - Libra "owns" that house. Teaming up with another person is often something you do quite naturally. Most Libras enjoy having someone to act as a sounding board, as Libras draw strength from working with others.

The universe wants you to sit up and notice this trend and will send you a spectacular aspect on June 8 when Jupiter and Uranus will align perfectly for the first time since February 15, 1997.

Put a circle around June 8, plus or minus one day, to see what comes up! You are due for some out-of-the-blue help from a partner, for sure!

Another important event happening in early June is the move of Mars out of Leo and into Virgo. You probably enjoyed having Mars in Leo, as Mars encouraged you to see friends and lead a very active social life. You may have opened an account on Twitter or started elsewhere in social media, or if you already had been involved in social media, you may have stepped up your on-line presence. Your calendar was likely dotted with plenty of events to attend in real life too, and therefore you were very busy. Now, with Mars in Virgo, you will get a few weeks of rest.

The twelfth house, which Mars will be moving through from June 7 to July 29, is associated with quiet meditation and solitude. You may be ready for a little privacy and a more relaxed schedule now. Focus on cleaning up any unfinished tasks during this coming period.

You need to clear the decks, dear Libra, in anticipation of a very important new two-year cycle that will start up when Mars enters Libra. If your basket is too full, you won't be able to add anything new to your life, and that would be a shame. Now's the time to decide what in your life should stay and what should go in anticipation of Mars' entry into Libra, from July 29 to September 13.

Mars in the twelfth house, which will be the case for you starting June 7, sometimes increases interaction with medical personnel, whether for yourself or for others. You may hear of someone in the hospital and visit them a great deal, or you may decide that this point in the year is a good time to go in to have a procedure done.

Mars will also set the perfect environment now to quit a habit that has had a negative effect on your health. You might want to see a hypnotist, coach, or other professional to help you stop your habit. This is the best time to do that in over two years, and you will have seven weeks of really strong support from Mars to help you accomplish what you set out to do.

The new moon will offer you the opportunity to travel from June 12 onward (plus two weeks), and if you can get away, it would be an ideal time to do so. I will admit that this new moon will send a hard glance to Saturn, so it may not be easy for you to get away. You may be concerned about a family member who is ill and perhaps in the hospital, or you may have some other obligations that tug on you.

Try to get away just AFTER June 12 if you can (sometime in the two weeks that follow), for you do need the rejuvenating effects of being in a new setting. Besides, Neptune, now in your house of true love, is beckoning and will spin quite an enchanting interlude for you if you go. If you are married or attached, you will find your partner will spoil you during this journey. If you are single, you may meet someone on your trip. It all sounds good!

If your birthday falls on October 14 or within five days of this date, you will benefit most from this lovely new moon. Get out your passport and go!

Now we come to the full moon lunar eclipse of June 26. Falling in your solar fourth house, something important seems to be coming to critical mass that is related to your home, other property, or a family member, most likely a parent. When it does, it will be completely unexpected.

The formation of planets at the time of this eclipse is quite harsh. Uranus will be in hard angle to the Sun, the moon, Pluto, and Mercury. Saturn will be also in a bad mood, opposing Uranus, in sharp angle to Pluto, the Sun, the moon, and Jupiter. Each of these planets will be squared off in a configuration called a cardinal cross. This happens when planets are based on the most sensitive angles in a chart, in four different corners of the sky. Because they are all in the energetic, restless "lets do it NOW" cardinal signs (Cancer, Capricorn, Aries, and almost Libra - Saturn is 1.5 degrees away), we call this a "cardinal" cross.

If you own property, or even if you rent, be sure you have it secure with alarms to prevent burglars and break-ins. Saturn square Pluto can create theft. Look at your insurance policy, and make sure you are covered for electrical or water damage of any kind.

You might be told that your landlord needs your apartment and that you will have to move, or that one of your roommates is moving out. You may decide to paint the house or see the end (or the start) of a massive renovation. You may buy or sell a house, but with so many planets in hard angles to each other, there will be obstacles to overcome.

Alternatively, you may be concerned about a family member, perhaps a parent advanced in age (more likely mother than father as this is an eclipse of the moon, which is feminine). A full moon in Capricorn refers to the aged, as Capricorn rules longevity. Protect the health of your beloved parent - Capricorn also rules bones, the knees, teeth, and skin (and all sorts of rashes or disorders of the skin). Because this will be a full moon, there could be a problem with the right eye (for females) or the left eye (for males).

I will be honest - this is not an easy full moon eclipse. Tension will be in the air, and you will see this played out on the world stage, too. Be very careful with investments - you can expect the stock market to do a dramatic free fall sometime between June 26 and August 13. Knowing this, you may want to meet with your financial advisor to find a way to protect your savings and get to high ground.

Not all Libras will feel this eclipse directly. You will if you were born on September 28, plus or minus five days, or if you have any planets in Libra, Aries, Cancer, or Capricorn at 5 degrees or close to that degree.

No matter when your birthday falls, think back to June 24, 2002 for an idea of what themes came up, as a similar, albeit gentler, version of an eclipse happened then.

You may be able to decipher an even more accurate clue if you think back to the lunar eclipse of June 26, 1991.

You will never get an exact duplicate of a cosmic event, but you can get an idea from the types of discussions that came up then and that might again come up now.

Also, because eclipses are always joined in a theme to the ones that came before in a series of signs (this time Cancer-Capricorn), think back to the last set of eclipses we had on December 31, 2009 / January 1, 2010 (depending on your time zone) for clues, and to what went on in your life near January 15 two weeks later. Also, think further back to the first set of eclipses in this family of signs that occurred July 7 and 21, 2009.

I know you must have questions about eclipses, for they really are very different from normal new moons and full moons. In fact, they have the strength of three moons rolled up in one! I have prepared a completely redone article called "How to Deal with Eclipses," which is ready for you now on Astrology Zone. I feel it will help you prepare for what might come up. Just click on this URL to see it:

Before I go, I would like you to mark down June 12 through June 15 as your very best days for just about any purpose - love, career, friendship, you name it - this month. Within this phase, June 14 and 15 will be extra special thanks to the special relationship between Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus. These days are dazzlers for you!

Best days for love: June 1-2, 6-8, 10, 12-15, 19-20, 28-29


Your home and career are in flux, and anything you need to know to make decisions about either or both will be presented both this month and in July. The eclipses are back, and they always come in pairs. The first one is due this month on June 26 in Capricorn, lighting your house of home and family, and next month on July 11 your career will be the focus. You will have a lot to think about, and you'll have time to plan. This month keep your schedule light, and don't be out of town.

After this eclipse is over, two weeks later we will have a solar eclipse (this time, a new moon) on July 11, which will bring changes and possible opportunities to your career. (Those born October 12, plus or minus five days, will feel that second eclipse the most.) That one will be a far less emotional eclipse and may bring you some exciting news.

In order to help you more fully understand how eclipses affect you, I have rewritten a special piece on Astrology Zone called "How to Deal with Eclipses," which you can read by going to this link:

You are in a rare and very important phase where present day discussions will be done to stabilize your life. Think of this period as a precursor to actions you will take in September when the pieces of your plan will fit more perfectly into place. For now, you may experience many changes, some surprising, some jarring, and still others quite exciting. Change is necessary, and you, of all people, will see the value of shaking things up.

Mars, the energy planet, will move out of Leo on June 7, and begin to light your twelfth house of privacy and planning. Your twelfth house is the last house of the horoscope and represents the end of a long cycle. You need to let go of people who drain your strength as well as outworn events to get ready to launch your new cycle.

Plan to be done with this "cleaning out" process by the time Mars prepares to enter Libra on July 29 where it will remain until September 14. For now, quiet yourself down, socialize less, and take time to think about your future. You have enjoyed quite a long period where you were able to see friends and attend all kinds of interesting events, but in the coming seven weeks, you'll be entering a completely new and different phase where you can achieve high productivity when in solitude.

Taking time for yourself, to catch your breath, and to finish projects is a good idea. Aim to clear the decks both this month and next so that you can start August with a fresh slate. New opportunities will show up soon, and you'll want to take advantage of the juiciest ones. You won't be able to do so if you are too busy with projects you don't even like doing! Unload those!

While it is clear you'll need to be home to deal with home and family issues that surface after the June 26 eclipse, you may want to take a vacation beforehand, just after the new moon, June 12, a lovely time to do so. If the option comes up, go, but opt for a restful, quiet retreat, possibly abroad (very possible now), not a strenuous, action-packed adventure. Allowing time to rest prior to month's end would be an ideal way to get ready for the upcoming eclipses and the news they'll bring concerning career and home, property, or family. Change is good - you can set things right once you are clear about where you want to go.

The best news of the month involves the pairing of Jupiter, the good fortune planet, and Uranus, planet of surprise, on June 8. What a day that is slated to be! Someone with whom you're aligned will make a strong effort to make sure you are happy. If you have an agent, that person is a jewel to you. If you are the agent, you apparently represent talent that the market wants! This is a four-star day!

Between June 8 and September 9, you'll have extraordinary, surprising luck from partners, experts, and those who represent you (or you, them). Jupiter always gives you more than you could ever imagine getting - see what's up for you!

Dates to Note

Home and family will be in the forefront of your mind this month due to a major full moon eclipse in Capricorn, June 26. Be reachable. You may see some far-reaching events that require resourcefulness and focus.

Mars, the energy planet, will move into a very private, meditative, and strategic place of the chart from June 7 until July 29.

Marriage and all sorts of serious collaborations glow now that Jupiter will be in Aries from June 6 to September 9. Get engaged or married, or use this lovely vibe to improve your relationship. You can also sign a business partner or agent.

You may feel less like socializing with friends as a result of Mars' move, and may prefer to hunker down behind closed doors, perhaps to spend time with your one-and-only sweetheart / spouse. If you do work in solitude, you will become a master of productivity. By the end of July, all your projects will be done, and you'll have a clean slate.

While you are in a relaxed, meditative state of mind, consider taking a vacation near the new moon, June 12. Don't go too late in the month, for you will need to be back home by the eclipse of June 26 - you'll need to take care of whatever comes up. Taking time to relax mid-month would be a great idea, as you'll want to go into "eclipse time" clear-headed

If you can't get away, consider going to a lecture, museum exhibit, or taking classes. Filling up on culture will make you feel warm and satisfied inside. Take any moments you can find to be relaxed and happy.

Romance will be best when Venus, your ruling planet, is moving through Leo from June 14 to July 10.

Your most exciting day for love: June 14 or 15.

Best days for love: June 1-2, 6-8, 10-12, 14, 15, 19-20, 28-29.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Roller Hockey Brain Rattle

I had a scary experience in hockey today. I don't even know what happened to be honest. They said I ran into someone, but to me all I remember was like someone skated by me and I took kind of like an elbow/shoulder to the head. I went down. Right when I fell I wanted to get right back up but couldn't. My head felt really heavy. I turned onto my stomach and tried to get up there but felt winded at the same time and tears filled my eyes and I found myself trying to gather myself as I was gasping for air and me probably in a turtle position trying to get up. Kinda felt embarrassing and scary at the same time. My teammates helped me up as they took off my helmet and eventually I skated to the bench as I was left with a headache and now kinda of a sore neck. I felt like my brain was rattled a bit. My god brother says if I feel a headache tomorrow morning that won't go away then it maybe something to get checked. This incident brings me back to the bare bones of don't forget I'm a live that life is... short.

As I was in my turtle position trying to gather my breath I hear people talking around me... saying stuff that seems a little hazy as I was fazing in and out to what they were saying... to be honest. My own thoughts were... GET UP... GET UP! ... GET THE FUCK UP! ... BREATHE... and .. why the fuck are you crying?! ... No I wasn't crying crying... tears just filled my eyes as I was gasping for air... I was hearing people but my body couldn't respond until a couple minutes. Till someone was telling me to take as long as I needed ... after a while I said... "give me 5 seconds" Someone telling to let go of my stick. My body didn't even respond right away to that. Someone took off my helmet for me. Apparently when I got up... the person right next to me was... Trevor. I thought it was the ref. I was a little taken to see pink right next to me. Anthony was there. But everyone on both sides were .. concerned and very sweet. Thank You Everyone ♥

All I have is a lingering headache that comes and goes and a little sore neck. My brain just feels a little rattled.

Chris was worried and apparently knew a few guys on the opposing team we were playing up against. I text Ry as me and Chris were heading to dinner. After a game like that I was in need of soul food. To Boonies again we go. I'll post up the images tomorrow. I need to dry my hair and sleep. I've been feeling sleepy since the car ride home and that was 7pm - it's 10pm right now. Ry tells me something about his trip that makes me wonder if I should be worried. If I had anything to worry about. Girls being "friendly" as he's partying it up in Europe. I don't want him to do something there that he ends up regretting and I don't want to regret - us. Chris was joking around saying I may have set the record fastest relationship ever with that one. *puff* Things aren't over. Stupid God Brother.

I don't want to doubt him. So I shall spill out my worries here. I knew he would be partying it up in Europe. I wouldn't even know what would happen if I were to go and be in the same position he's in. Though I have to admit it hurts my heart a little to even imagine him making out with another girl. He's a great kisser and I guess ... I'm not down with sharing him like that. That's why my heart hurts. I miss him too much to confess to him that I may have already fallen for him. I long to see his face. I long to feel the shivers around my neck that he has the ability of creating.

I'm tired. I love you all...... btw... I do...
I may even already love Ry... He already has the ability to make my heartache... not even FL or DY were able to do that. My hearts loving too purely... so purely I feel stupid at times. I then wonder.... am I being stupid? Is Loving - Stupid?


No It's not.

Friday, June 25, 2010

The Draw

LOL I'm talking about the lottery again. It's at 50 Millions again. I just came across this song on Jin's youtube.

I remember having this conversation with my sister that if I ever was a millionaire I would try to build this program in Vancouver that picks a selective few people that really really show they want to change their lives. I had a weird idea of where you have a building which is a core location of where it's these people who signed a contract. They sign over their lives to however long it is it takes to get them back on their feet. May it be drug addicted people, or just a single mom that fell through the cracks and made the wrong choices and she has no where else to go. Create a reality tv show where there are camera people follow and recording their daily actions. The hub is where they will live kinda like that other show on TV- not intervention the one where they are at the rehab. They will live there for free as they get help as in counseling, skill building, even education. The center will have a drug sniffing dog that will go and do inspections randomly because of through out the course of the program illegal drugs will not be permitted on the premises. Nor will people who have not signed on to be part of the program. Visitation from family would be encouraged. Well as for it being a reality tv show. My thought was. If it was local - and they had family members watching, they would be supportive in that way. If one of the programs in this re-rehabilitation program is to help these people find and get new jobs, you can get local sponsorship for the show and not only that, I'm kinda hoping it would build community. Nothing creates more change than the big companies that strongly believe they can make a greater change. The building alone would also have *in hopes* lots of sponsorship and advertisement. So if the show becomes a hit, there's enough revenue coming I hope eventually it will be on it's own - self sustaining ( I know It would take a couple millions to make this happen but it would be well worth it ). Sadly though there are consequences. When I brought this thought to my sister she asked. Who would you know how is allowed in this program. I know right off the bat that not everyone would be willing to sign their lives away from privacy so that also clears a lot of people who would apply for this chance to change. I said to my sister, those who are willing to chance it and apply and are wiling to sign over their privacy for what I'm willing to offer as a multi-millionaire then they should be deemed worthy. My thought was if they graduate the program to help those get back on their feet they are provided a home for a few years until they are fully able to sustain themselves and move out or the location can be offered to them as a rent to own location. I know a few things if I implement this... more jobs would be created for security, nursing, counseling, therapists and for cameramen who would so be my watch dogs and rats. I need to implement a three strike rule that if they are druggies for example and drugs are found in their system or in their possession through random drug checks or room searches of if they are caught on camera using. They have to be thrown out of the program. ( my sister said that may seem a little unfair ) I said, NO. It's not. Because once they get into my program they are provided everything for free. Shelter, food, counseling, education, training, all they had to sign over was a specific amount of time which is their progression rate of time which is used to better themselves. ( They also sign off to be filmed ) They made the choice to sign the contract which is a promise to themselves and everyone that watches the show that they are committed to change. If they are given three chances and they break them I have to make room for someone else that truly believes in themselves enough to want to change. If a multi-millionaire is reading this ... do you think this would work? This reality TV show with a hub of chance of change in the lives of so many. If I was given permission to do a show like this if I were a millionaire... my first episode would actually be me walking around and asking the people on the streets... the homeless ones... look in their eyes and ask..."What is it that you really really want and how can I help you make that happen."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

A Nice Drive

My heart today feels like it's about to POP. I find it kinda weird how I miss Ry's voice. It's been a week now he's gone to Europe and it's 2 more weeks till he returns. We text daily but ... I'd like to hear how his trip is going. Not read it in a text message. I'm going to be honest to say that my heart hurt a little when I felt like I knew I wasn't going to be hearing his voice. I know he's traveling around half way around the world. Partying. Yeah I do wish I went but things have been getting crazy in the office. Tomorrow is going to be another long day but I hope it will be a beautiful one. I haven't slept much in the past few days. Three hours per night is not enough for anyone to function on. I lost sleep to working. On art, on graphic design. Tonight I should get my sleep time in. I finished the book I was reading - the greatness guide. Fantastic. Reassures my heart. It adds and stabilizes my foundation of greatness. I have to believe that I will be great cause only then will is naturally come.
After work I came home to find that my sister is setting up a play pen in the game room. I play with baby Ethan for a while before my ride to go driving practice arrives. He's super cute even when he's drooling all over me. I still love him. Mr. CC scared him a little by barking at him though. My friend came to give me some hours of practice behind the wheel. Driving his RSX. I drove to a sushi place to eat. We sat and chatted for a good while as we ate excellent food. I found out more about him and as we chatted I had the sense of DEJAVU like...everything happening was meant to happen. The story he told me about his past, the sad story. We talked about relationships and failed ones. Life. Work. After I drive back home to my neighborhood and drive around. I show him my run route. We explore some streets that I didn't even know of. Practiced some turning into a stall, 3 point turn, driving with the flow of traffic. Lane changes, right and left turns. Head home and back into my drive way. I've come to like driving.

I call Less to wish him a happy birthday. My phone craps out a bit. Keeps hanging up the call. I text him and let him go back to what he was about to do.. call his ex.

My friend Nicki messages me. Flustered would the right word. Wants me to help him take his mind off things. He wouldn't tell me what's wrong. What's really bugging him. I tell him about my change. What's happened to me with my life, health and love. He then goes to tell me he had been thinking of us, and kind of wanting more. I tell him that I'm already with someone now. He wishes me all the best. I tell him that the reason I love him, is the same reason I hate him. I describe him as a tough cookie. Sweet and Hard to chew through and swallow. I asked him to do something for me. To think of what it is he really wants out of life and believe it will happen. He's a manager of a restaurant. How can he not apply the same principals he has towards work to his life? I mean He makes a list of what needs to be done then goes into work and does it. You can do that with life too. Make a list of what you want and focus and want it, believe it's yours and magical things happen.

I have officially decided to change the status on my fb. Save anymore drama with boys who weren't man enough to give chase, grab me by the hand, take me in a little closer as we hug. In the words of Ry, you snooze you lose. I'm happy I found someone who makes me feel like I'm worth it. I will love better than I did before. Purely and wholly with my heart. I will adore him like no other girl as before or ever will because he's worth it. I can only hope for the same.

In Calgary Ry said to me that our friend teased in a bit asking him if I was the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing he thought of at night. He confesses to me that ... I am ♥

Ry has already surprised me with his communication with me, how he has the way to sense my emotions and addressing them. I don't need to say anything if I'm upset and my heart starts to ache. He'll know. When he shows me that he is aware of my feelings - I return to an understanding state of mind. He makes me feel like we're connected even when we're half a world apart.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A Good Day To Go Shopping

Yeah I spent a lot of money today. But well worth it. I must say. Things I needed for myself and no more holding back. If today be the last day I live and I go to sleep and that's when I die. Then I had a good day. After work I headed to Metro to shop. I needed to get certain things off my chest. I went into Mac for the first time ever. The make up store. I'm going to be honest to say that every time I'm in front of make up displays I'm really like a deer caught in headlights. I don't know what's going on. There's way too much to choose from. I asked one of the workers there that I needed help in choosing a cover up. I had two big break outs from god knows what but they need coverage! Since I can't seem to pic colors on my own because the never seem to match my skin tone, so I left it to a professional. She was nice and helpful and found one that matches my skin tone. I buy 20$ cover-up and leave. Thanks Lauren!
I head on over to Chapters. My friend suggested to read "The artist's way." There were three versions! and I became lost. When I found the book and looked at the different versions, I picked one up that was a hard cover and apparently a 3 in 1 book. The artist's way apparently had installments. It looks like a bible. I hope it fills me with just as much inspiration to live better. I walk on over to the Cook-book area. I look through the Japanese books and the Chinese cook books I spot one that's gigantic. Fitting title. It's called "Mastering the Art Of Chinese Cooking" I had a quick flip through. Damn does this book have a lot of recipes. I got it. When I was at the counter the guy said that if I choose one more book I can get the fourth one free. I hesitate and I said I would return with more books. I go back to the cooking books and pick out the best well rounded Japanese cooking book. One that wasn't all about sushi. This one looks like it's filled with awesome other dishes like ram-en, udon and rice dishes. For my fourth book I picked out something I'd been eying for a while. Kama Sutra book. Yes I got a Kama Sutra book. I would like to learn the secret behind the great love and sex that has been around for hundreds of years that is the philosophy of Kama Sutra. These books were a pretty penny but you know what. They will advanced my skills in the long run. Turns out my dad approves of my cook book choice. He wants me to learn how to make these Chinese steam buns that are actually in the Chinese cook book! Awesome! I can't wait to cook some yummy stuff for people! Thanks Edward at Chapters for showing me a little concern when he thought the books maybe a little too heavy for me in just one bag. It was heavy, heavier than I thought but I made it home in one piece. :) last but not least place I went today was Michael HIll. I looked up the reason today why my ears had been bleeding time to time. Turns out I've been having allergic reactions to the nickle in the sterling silver earring studs I've been wearing. I like my big fake blings but they're fakes and cheap and making me bleed. I was helped by a man named Graham. I told him my situation and that it was time for new earrings. He showed me a couple white gold, and yellow gold earrings studs. I leaned more on the white gold. He even let me take a look at pretty big diamond earring studs ( note real diamond earring studs have screw in studs so you don't loose a couple G's that easily ) He was funny how he cooly said.. Oh they are just 10 thousand dollars. I was like... Ohh that's fine, I'll come back for them after I win the lottery. and we both had a good laugh. I said it didn't really matter about the size of the stones. I wanted something simple classy for work and going out. I asked to look at some hoops and fine a small pair that look perfect when he first grabbed them. He offers to clean my rings as I wait and looked around some more. I checked out the other ones but they weren't "me". He comes back with my rings all nice and shinny. One ring I had cleaned up just the other day and he made it .. look almost new! He even suggested when I had the time to stop by and he would do the sides for me next time. He didn't fully polish it because he didn't want me to stand and wait there forever. I was out there a bit. I tell him I want the hoop ones as he hands me over my rings. He said that my choice matched nicely with my rings. He was right. He asked me what I do for a living and I told him. And he even asked for a card. He then tells me about a store he owned / owns I don't remember - called "You And Who's Army?" ( I just read up on how it came to be ) but it was a clothing store and art gallery. Wow totally awesome. He says he's moving to the island soon to be the manager of the Michael Hill there in Victoria. I have to trek it down to Victoria one day to visit him, he said he'd buy me a coffee if I did. Plus I've been to the island but not Victoria. I left after shaking his hand. He made my experience shopping today very heart warming. Thank You Graham.
Time for me to head downstairs to design something for some event. I'm a couple chapters away from finishing "the greatness guide"

Reflection Time Again

I need to get this off my heart and chest. It was strange for me to see FL in Calgary. Let alone what he asked of me. But he didn't know. He was the closest thing I ever had to perfection in a man. Really. Funny, Tough, Cute, what not and what not. To me I constantly believe in seeing the best out of people. So in other words it is very much easy for me to fall in love with someone. Well not In love - in love. like. Loving them a lot for what they do have. NOT the Love that is- I'm meant to be with you forever and ever and ever amen. I didn't see a lot of flaws in him I guess. He was everything I could ever ask for and then some but ... In the end, when I felt his doubt. I doubted - I stepped back as I felt him step back. I watched more of his actions and his words. We all know what happens when that happens. It fails before it even starts. We would have made beautiful babies. LOL. I would make beautiful babies with B- Too. man he has to stop asking me to make out. Do I really have to change my facebook status?! really?! I think B-'s just pretty to look at. That's right baby boy, if you're reading this. You're a smart cookie, but sometimes you're a smart ass which makes me a little guarded. I realized one thing that scares me in the series of guys that I've seen in the last... almost a year is the outburst of temper. Oh no they were never at me. Except for B- it's probably why I wouldn't date him.

Oh- Ry, you pop into my head and make me smile. My attraction to Ry, how can I explain this. He's a good merge.

I thought Darren was but he still lacked - it was pretty easy to let him go. I missed him a lot cause well he was good company. But you know you're not meant to be with someone when you see a vision of them with someone else. Marrying someone close to him. Feeling when you're with them that you're the third wheel. I felt he was meant to be with his friend O'. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my vision was wrong. Darren had good qualities. Not great but he was a great guy. When I stepped onto the beach at Pachena Bay, I had a strong feeling it would be my last time seeing it - or at least with Darren. I said nothing at those moments when life flashes me the possibilities of doubt, visions of what is to be, I felt them and believed them and left life play out. I lost hope we would be at that point - I just never said anything or blogged it cause well sometimes the heart likes to hope. When I was with Darren I wrote a sad song. If my emotions produced a sad song when you're supposed to be happy with someone, that says a lot about the relationship. No?

Back to Ry. Ry reminds me of a mix of FL, Chew and Me. Like FL - Ry has the ability to talk with anyone with confidence. Shake hands and network. Ry was actually the one that wanted me to introduce him to FL. Weird right?! but that confidence made me kinda like him more. Ry has the sincerity that Chew has. The rare factor that a guy tells you what he really thinks and feels straight out when asked. Some guys don't know why they do the things that they do. The sincere ones know, feel and think with their heart. They are the ones ( like me ) you want on your side, the kind of friend that will be there when you most need them to be cause they have the right kind of heart. FL, Chew, and Ry all have a quality that I need to find in more friends. Though FL / Chew may not know this but - if ever - would trust them with my life. With Ry I feel utterly safe. When we hug he pulls me closer in a way and I simply just melt into him. Same when we kiss. He pulls me closer and I feel shivers around my neck. I kinda blush at the thought of it really.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Koi In The Water

I did a sketch of this a couple vids back. Decided to buy some canvases when I came back from Calgary because there are some art show coming up and this would be one to enter.

I have to admit this was the first time I did the Koi using the Asian style technique that one would use with watercolor with acrylic on canvas. I hope to do a lot more :)

This painting too a while to do 3-4 hours long. The files are so big that while video editing it ate up all my memory. Freak! But it's that time again to clean out the old videos and filming footage to make way for the new!

I've been thinking should I start a new blog? One this time mainly and purely focusing on Asian Artwork. Jotting down all that I can remember, techniques and notes and sketches I have into one single Asian Art blog. Focusing and remembering everything that I was taught. That's like 15 years+ of Asian art education. That's a lot! I'll be thinking about it. That will help me re-focus to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing for the love of the art. So it doesn't end and dwindle to the next generation that may not know as much as I've had the pleasure of having 2 great masters of the same style as teachers. I should ask James to teach me what is left for me to learn. I have some things I have yet to learn. I try to pick up the really great Chinese Painting instructional books but the truth is, It's hard. Me ( My teachers know, I have the eye ) I can spot a weak artist from the stronger ones from simple strokes of an Asian brush. What's good - what's bad. Colour control, water control, brush control. I have little patience for people who are generations after me believing they are good enough to teach the next generation. It doesn't take 5 years to master Asian art. Trust me, watercolor paintings maybe the hardest thing to master. One stroke can make and break a painting and only the pro- of the pros are smart enough to cover up their mistakes. Even I have years of training still suck at covering up my mistakes. I'm a fourth generation artist of the Ling-Nan Style, which means my teachers teacher's teacher was one of the founders this art style and technique. Pretty cool right. I think it is. I'm thankful that I'm still young * compared to my fellow generation of artists * who are twice my age, some are young. Few continue. Soon... I feel it...I'm ready to paint again the real stuff. My heart is returning to the right place. The place that's preparing me for - my greatness. *smiles* I have art shows coming up. My fellow artists and federation mates have been waiting for my return. I hear some are seeing what it is I can do now. When I do see the ones that know I paint, they always ask me if I still paint. I feel a little sad when I get asked that. Because they know and I know my talents are going to waste when I'm NOT painting. My heart broke and I was filled with song and little artistic inspiration. Now I'm filled with love *smiles* I don't think I can return to that point where I was lost. I've been lost for too long but I remember what I'm about now. It took a while of self discovery, epiphanies and re-assurances that the path I'd chose to take has always been the right one. The way I love and choose to love has always been genuine and true. Some people thought I was just too nice, but I learned long ago that loving someone is not about my happiness, it's theirs. Loving me is about me. I rather give with all I have because I don't know any other way to show who I am and how I love. If you hold back the love you truly have for someone, you're holding back on yourself. You're missing an opportunity of something greater. Your fear is holding you back from living. I realized this a couple months back when Ry first asked me to go to Calgary with him. When I felt hesitation - that fear. I said yes. I asked myself what is there to be afraid of? I wanted to go on a trip and I needed to chase my fears, not let my fears chase me. From now on if I feel a hesitation I may chase my fear, run towards it like a crazy person ready to kick it's ass.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Strange Series Of Events

Yesterday was a long yet wonderful day.
I painted until the hours of the early morning or 4-5 am and after I hit the hay and got a couple hours of sleep I woke up and edited to painting footage for a new youtube video. I went and got ready to go for roller hockey. I was worried about playing because I had hurt myself a bit at the end of my run on Friday. I made my way down to Metro town and somehow made my way through the crowds of the mall weaving in and out trying not to hit anyone with my gigantic hockey bag and stick. My team mate was sweet enough pick me up and I tagged along with her to 8 rinks to check up on her ice hockey team. I am so sore right now. *sigh*. We went to the rink at Killarney and it was beautiful how it was redone. However the rink was really hot. I felt like I could cut the air. I didn't score but that's okay, and we lost by one to one of the best teams in the league in our division. I tagged along with my friend and one of her buds Ed to Dinner at a Korean Restaurant. Whenever I go out to eat with K it seems like we go Korean. Anyways this place was good *thumbs up* We had hot pot and seafood pancake *one of my favorite things to eat!* After dinner we head on over to the park in Burnaby, to an Easter Seals 24 hour relay event. K ( my friend from hockey ) used to organize it and this year had passed it over to a friend to take over. We walked around looking for this camp site of people. It was getting dark and when we found it. I literally couldn't see who was who and who was part of this group. I couldn't see anyone's faces that it turns out that I knew like 3-4 people there! Yeah! This was a team that I had heard about months ago. Call themselves something that sounds like Beaver Fever but not.. the little singer that everyone seems to love these days. Turns out my future sister in law is part of this party, my future cousin in law and one of her friends ( I don't know if she's dating him or not ) But he used to be best buds with one of my X's when I was in high school. I hadn't seen this guy in like 12 years! It was funny cause I was standing next to him in the dark without ever knowing it. I didn't recognize him till he was in the dodge ball court. @_@ I've been having a weird year with people from friends from ten years ago come back into my life. This was one of them. What are the odds.

This Easter Seals event seemed very fun to be honest. You exercise and hang out and chill with friends while camping out for a day while raising money for a good cause, and best of all maybe for me I'm thinking networking purposes. But if I do this next year I will definitely promote it via Youtube and try to get as many donations as possible. Hopefully by then I will have tons of fans of my art and of just me. Tehehe. When the timing is right. Art show!

My friend posted this on facebook and I love it. I seem to really like instrumental songs with a good beat.

Friday, June 18, 2010

I Am A Multi-Millionaire

Okay I've been acting and believing and feeling like a million bucks...and then some. I've been feeling this for a couple of weeks now. Here is my list of what I would do if I were a multi-millionare. ( This list depends on how much I would have as a multi-millionaire.

  1. Put on an artshow where the paintings sold go to charity.
  2. Donate to Charity - Help get Vancouver homeless off the streets
  3. Fund Cancer Research
  4. Donate to Hospitals
  5. Donate To / Buy / Build A Community Centre / Hockey Arena
  6. Give Money To My Family. Parents. Siblings
  7. Help pay off any debts the family has.
  8. Visit family all around the world
  9. Visit Brunei
  10. Rebuild Grandpa's House
  11. Travel Europe
  12. Pay for my sister's wedding
  13. Put money away for baby Ethan
  14. Pay off my bills
  15. Laser eye surgery?
  16. Dental surgery
  17. More Driving Lessons
  18. Get a White Mini Cooper
  19. Buy a studio apartment / loft
  20. Buy a condo for Alex - Rent to own
  21. Build Dream House
  22. Call up a handful of friends, to go vacation all expenses covered.
  23. Travel to Japan
  24. Private Cooking Classes
  25. Renovate Current house to sell or for parents
  26. Get a laywer and accountant for all the art stuff.
  27. Get a truck load of art supplies
  28. Travel to China
  29. Film my adventures and vlog them
  30. Throw my own huge birthday bash with secret prize give aways
  31. Build a music studio for Sundeep
  32. Build a photography studio for Vic
  33. Put / organize a concert show for Mali & Shalini
  34. Go to Disney Land & Disney World... visit Aunty Alice
  35. Invest
  36. Get a decked out computer systems & game consoles.
  37. Establish an art scholarship program.
  38. Buy equipment and software and re-invest in the company I work for as a gift before I quit.
  39. Create a foundation to help those in need get back on their feet.
  40. Donate Funds to the Greater Vancouver Zoo
  41. Pay my God-Brother enough money for a year so he can pursue his dreams
  42. Re-invest in my clothing line
  43. Throw an art show with and dedicated to my art teachers
  44. Pay for my brother's wedding, if he marries Susy.
  45. Build / Own a club an call it "Canuck Central" ... like how Calgary has Flames Central... That's right.
  46. Create a stock photography site, hire my photography friends as primary photographers to start and build the site.
  47. Shopping... lots of shopping
  48. Re-invest in the places and people that invested in me.
  49. Bring Lo Noodle House to Canada

I should always think... I am a multi-millionaire.


Driving lesson 2 was success. What did I learn. backing into a stall, driving in good following distance. Right and left turns at street lights. What else... I don't remember. I was so determined to back into a stall perfectly. I kept rolling onto the line.

I was working out. Cleaned some jewelery. And thinking.

Clicking. You know when people use that term. What does it really mean?
When you "Click" with someone. You gel and get along greatly. What happens if you get along just fine with a lot of people. What is that differentiating factor that makes one guy better than the other? I think all girls reasons and definition of what makes them believe "click" is all different. But I still think what are the qualifications that makes a girl say... "We just click."

I have yet to change my status on facebook. I'm going to be honest to say I kind of find it ridiculous to keep changing it. There isn't a status for people who are just dating. It's either single or in a relationship. There isn't an in between. The last time I fell out of a relationship I didn't even change it right away - the hassle of getting comments that I'm single again. And now that I'm in a relationship again I feel like I don't even want to bother. Then if I leave it unchanged other people will believe I'm still single when I'm not. Ugh whatever.

Clicking... clicking...clicking.
  • I have always believed in "the kiss". The kiss is a very intimate thing, soft, hard, forced, comfortable, uncomfortable, peck... however they are. A kiss tells a lot and when it's from the right person, I get tingles in my neck like ants are crawling around on my skin.
  • The hug, the embrace says more before it leads to the hopes of the great kiss. I've hugged a lot of friends. I squeeze my friends to let them know in a way that I do love them. But the right embrace hugs the body, heart and soul. When I want to just melt into his arms...There's something there.
  • Knowledgeable, yeah... I'm attracted to the smart ones. Ones that will state little facts for me. Or tell me something I don't know, it's pretty sexy.
  • Emotionally Communicative - there are a lot of guys that will rarely share with you their real emotions. Guy's don't do it because it makes them vulnerable. But when they are able to share with you what is really the thoughts behind their actions it saves a lot of time. *note* Guys are just as mentally confusing as girls. Girls are just more sure of their emotions than guys. Both sexes fall into the assumption that were all telepathic in some way when we aren't. Not everyone is able to pick up on physical hints or mental hints or what ever hints. Just say straight out what the problem is, because when you do you can address it more quickly.
  • The Look. There's a look when someone adores you. You not only see it, you feel it. They look at you and you feel like you're the only person in their world and no one else. You get caught up in the moment and you feel the same for them
  • Completing the others thoughts and words. Sometimes you're so in-tune with what the other is saying that you can complete their sentences and they can complete yours. If you think a like it makes it that much more easier.
  • The... "Oh F*&#K!" Moment. Where you say this to yourself because there's a moment you felt something... that 'thing' when you feel you're falling. Your heart just paused with time and you felt it.
  • The mirror effect. The love you give is reflected. The love you're looking for is given back to you naturally.
tomorrow is painting day... :)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Back to Normalism

Ok, I'm going to be honest. It's getting harder and harder to make up titles for my blog entries. It's my second day back at work and everything is falling back into place nicely. Except when I came back from my trip I had forgotten a little someone. I had forgotten to love him so much that he died yesterday. Bob. Bob died from neglect and starvation. I'm a bit sad because well he was all white, which means he sat in the dark, hungry and all alone for the longest time before he didn't have it in him any more. :( . Bob II ... may you BOB your way to heaven and meet Bob I. I'm SO SORRY! *tear* I had forgotten to tell someone to feed you when I was gone. Or I should have brought you with me in a bottle... in a plastic bottle. NO that would have been cruel. Ry says that when he gets back from his trip we'll go pick out another Bob.

Man... Calgary trip was crazy unreal. Full of hopes and dreams coming true. My heart melting unexpectedly. Unusual moments with people I used to date. First experiences of the City of Calgary and Clubbing.

I dragged Ry to meet my sister yesterday. It was unexpected for the both of them since I didn't warn the other before deciding to drop by. I got the chance to see Ry before he left on his 3 week trip to Europe and I got to see my baby nephew roll for the first time with my eyes in the flesh. He was so cute, always smiling when he sees me smiling at him. He gets very hyper. LOL . My sis was upset I didn't warn her about the drop by with a guest. Ry's a nurse, he's used to it seeing people in their worst.

I'm blogging quickly at work. Tonight is my second driving lesson. I need to figure out how I'm going to get my hours on top of my car lessons. Not worrying about it that much but it's something I need.

Ry flies off for Europe today. I wish I could have joined him but it's not my time. However I have the strangest feeling it will be soon. I'm thankful for him more than anyone knows. He's the only one I have no doubts with, or at least yet. Which is a good sign.

I'm reading a new book. The Greatness Guide. After reading my last four books I feel like my heart already knows how it's all going to turn out. May the Greatness Guide ... help me reach more of my potential and what it is I have to offer myself and the world.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Calgary. Hotel Arts. Driven Car Show. Flames Central

The day of the trip, I went out and bought a sd card from Best Buy, Thank God I did cause well the 16 Gig I did have would corrupt it's own files. So no more using that sd card. I thought I would buy some clothes but didn't end up buying any. I get a call from Ry as I'm at the mall to let me know where we should meet up and head out to Calgary. I head home after the mall and get there, get my gear and after a little bit of food, I head out once more this time making it to Sapperton station and meeting up with Ry and his best friend. With a truck and trailer hitch with her ( the honda prelude ) all strapped in ready to head out. Our road trip didn't officially start till later in the day. I had met up with the boys around 3:00pm, there was a detour to be made to Maple Ridge to pick up some gold foil. We left and when we left and as we headed past Langley we had another detour to make to pick up some signage. By the time we actually got out and made some lead way it was barely a scratch on our trip it was already 7pm. I don't remember where we stopped next but we went to this restaurant that was right by the mountain side. I note to Ry that it would be so awesome to have gone to school there and to look outside the window of your classroom to see the mountain top covered with snow. WOW. The restaurant was called Skinny's Grille. Great food, unique atmosphere.

The drive was long with crazy memories... oh man...I know this is embarrassing to say but I'll blog this memory just cause it's so funny! The drive to Calgary is long and well when you hit specific towns and it's late late into the night and it gets a little dangerous as well. When it's pitch black and raining and some pit stops are closed. Things happen and when you need to go, you need to go. We hit the little towns on the Canada number one highway. Long story short. I had to go pee really bad. We hit gas station and everything is closed. I don't remember if this was an Esso, or Shell, or Cheveron. But it was raining really hard, and it was really dark and we didn't know where we were because we had turned off to go pit stop and being unsuccessful and reaching this gas station that was closed with washroom locked. And us on a tight schedule the guys convinced me to just go somewhere in the bushes >_< I was smart enough to have some tissues in my makeup pouch and grabbed that. Ry said if it made me feel better he would come with and hold the umbrella for me to keep me dry while he was turned around and that's what he did. Oh man, my first road trip peeing in the bushes experience. Hilarious right. yeah. *sarcastic* awesome time peeing in arms length of the guy your dating behind some gas station in the bushes. Any ways if that wasn't funny enough, as we headed back and down the road we ended up at a Husky gas station that was open! and we asked for directions. WTF right... WTF. hahaha well it's a funny road trip story. We go on our way. We hit a certain point between the mountains where the guys were just too exhausted to drive. Me only having a learners and little experience driving couldn't take over the wheel if I wanted to. I actually wanted to, but they said it was way to dangerous since they themselves were a bit scared driving with the trailer. The guys drove as I slept, and slept as I watched the sun rise.
There's something about the drive to and from Calgary. The mountains make everything feel so spiritual. Those who have never been on this drive, I tried to film some of what you can expect to see. The beautiful mountains of BC and if you're lucky, the wild life. We got there and it was 9:33am Vancouver time. Which means we were on the road for 13-14 hours. Hotel Arts is were we stayed. One of the reasons why Ry asked me to accompany him in the first place cause of the name of the Hotel. Sweet right?!. I think so if I was the first person that popped up in his head. When we got there we pulled into the parking lot and got stuck. One of their valet guys named Tim came out to help after seeing the guys a bit frustrated and tired. He hopped in the truck after noting that he had experience driving a trailer / hitches before. LOL, after hopping in and finding me trapped in the back seat because ( I'm in one of those trucks where - I can't get out unless someone lets me out. ) I've become one of those super positive people as I encouraged Tim that he could do it :). I did ask him if he was really experienced driving it with trailers and he confesses that he wasn't, he thought he would just take over noticing the guys are tired and frustrated. With little trailer / hitch driving experience. Tim did an awesome job! He pulled it off like a pro! in his words ... "I'm so golden." Yes... yes you were. LOL. When we unloaded and walked into the lobby it was gorgeous. ♥ the artwork.
We get up to our room 909 and all we want to do is crash there's a picture of Phill. Ry's best friend just fallen onto the bed. We all change and close the curtains and hit the sack at 9:40am to try to sleep. I get a couple texts that Frankie is also in town for the show too. He tells me to hurry up when I'm already at the hotel before he was! LOL. While he was actually still stuck at the airport. We slept for a couple hours and some time later Phill wasn't able to sleep anymore and decides to go for a walk. Me and Ry fall back to sleep for a bit and sometime later we awake and end up talking till Phill came back and caught us chatting a bit in the dark. Phill walks to the interrogating lamp and turns it on and shines it to Ry's face who was sitting on the small sofa seat across from the bed from me. Our conversation was a bit emotional and personal, a bit too much to blog. All I really have to say is, people have to remember I'm not like a lot of other people / girls. But not one person is the same either. But as for girls. I'm pretty unique as it goes. As to dating me... I'm as real as it gets. A girl who's already done more than the average Jane, yet striving to be more. I may express emotions and thoughts and record my life. Well because... I live once and every day and every week and month and so on is different. I love a lot and express a lot of love - most of the time without ever realizing I'm doing it because that's just how kind and caring of a person I am. Some people get overwhelmed with this, and I felt Ry was feeling the front of it now and his brain went into "what if" mode. ** Here's a tip. One of the first steps of failure people don't realize that falls upon a growing / any relationship is doubt. If there ever is any kind of doubt in a relationship and it's dwelt upon, your relationship is already failing. And if it does it's partly because so much energy may have been placed upon that reason of doubt. ** I'm not going to lie that - that has happened to me. But this time - no more. The things I've learned in the last couple months is... think of what you want, and believe you already have it, believe it's going to happen. And you know what the craziest thing is about that train of thought and that kind of thinking led this trip to be that much more crazy and magical. Ry - promised me he would with his might try to push doubt from his mind. I was happy to hear that. I promised him the same. We both know that's a difficult thing to do. When your brain gets into the bad habits way of thinking, sometimes it's hard to change. It's not impossible just difficult. *anyways* Phil informs us that he had booked his own room which allowed me and Ry to have more alone time together ( during this time I felt so much love coming from Phil for Ry... it was unbelievable ) Later on we showered and got ready to unload the car. I went down and got to catch some of that action.
After the unloading I grabbed some of the food and went back into the hotel. I bump into Frankie in the lobby and met some guys from Vancouver as well. They pressed more buttons than needed on the way up to my room as they got off on the 2nd floor. I went up to my room to eat an chill and thought the guys would be back in a couple of hours and to be honest I got upset with Ry for leaving me up in the room longer than expected. I don't know why I got so emotional too. It was a bit ridiculous but I did feel like I wanted to help with the car I was there to visit Calgary and most of all the spend time with him regardless what he was doing, and that one extra hand was better than none. Ry did come back however after getting my text and calling me and I really didn't have to say anything to him for him to know that it did upset me. We headed out to home depot and got some stuff needed for the car show to prep the car, hoping we would go back to the car show area to work more on the car, the guys soon showed fatigue from it all and we ended up going back to the hotel after grabbing some food and Phil brought down his laptop and we watched a bit of shutter island before getting to sleepy to go on. Phil left and we hit the sack. Early the next morning was Car Show Day! we got ready for the day, me and Ry went to go to drop off the trailer. We get lost. Calgary avenue and streets are numbers like Surrey and when they are like that, it's easy to get lost especially if there is NW SE and all that directionality to go with it. We end up finding the place and dropping off the trailer. Go back and pick up Phil and head on to do the last finishing touches on the car, getting her ready for the show at 10am. The original plan was that I clean the interior of the dash but Ry placed me with sticking they Gold foil on the underside of his hood. I was only able to reach and help stick on, tuck in and cut out the top two big pieces, the rest was a bit too far for my reach. The show was from 1pm - 10pm and the day seemed to never end. I stuck it out with Ry at the show as he waited for the judges and talked to the admirers of his car.
To see more pics of his Ry's car. *Click here* At the show he was so paranoid with what people maybe saying about his car, wondering which car was better than his. In my heart I was believing and knowing his was the best. All around. Right before the awards I ran to the washroom and in there I was just praying, wanting, believing he will win an award. Little did we know. The very last award. One to rule them all was to be his. I stopped filming when they were calling out who won because it didn't click in my mind that it could be him. But it was! It was super amazing. This is what made me feel like believing in something so much can make things happen.

I want to thank Timothy DeLaGhetto, Victor Kim, and JRA for taking the time to take a pic with me. They were super sweet. The after party was crazy. It was my first time clubbing. On the way to the club we spent so much time looking for parking, we were lucky and thankful to find one just outside in this parkade area where you simply pay for how many hours you wanna leave the car there for and slip the pass on the dash. We walk on over to the club and don't know where it is and were lined up at this place and looked up at the rules of the club. Some boys were denied entry because they weren't 25years or older. The bouncers there smiled at us as we asked if it was Flames Central, they pointed across the street where it was so obvious and the sign was so big, we have no idea how we missed it. We lined up, asked if we needed to be on some special guest list. Paid the door entry fee. got checked and entered a domain at Calgary Central that I can only describe like a miniature rave. Except I felt strange, the atmosphere was not as party hardy as I'd liked it to be. There were lots of people just standing about and I felt... I wanna dance but the vibe I'm getting is not one that's more on the just dance side, maybe I needed to be closer the the speakers. Ry met up with his friends who got us VIP arm bands that got us back to where all the superstars were *giggles* it just seems funny to me that's all. The performers from the Driven car show were there. Driven car show crew was there. Organizers were there and seemed to party behind where the DJ was. The setup of the club was pretty amazing and I wondered if Canucks would ever have a club in ode to them. We should. That would be awesome. Sometime during the night I approached Victor Kim, I was so unsure of where I had seen him before, perhaps from one of Tim's vids. I was subscribed only to him. I take a picture with him. I got to watch JRA perform and took a picture with him as well. It was funny though when I asked to take a picture with him, I said "Thank you" to him and he said thank you to me. What a sweetie. Ry was filming the club scene with his phone and a host guy was pointing at him which made me giggle. You can hear it in my youtube video if you pay close enough attention. Ry was trying to get me buzzed that night since I don't know my liquor limit. He failed because after my second drink and when we returned from the washroom and atm the bars had already stopped taking any liquor orders. LOL. He tried. We decide to get going because it's getting late and tiring. We get back to the hotel and as we settle down for bed Ry asks me to be his girl *blushes* ... I say yes ... because honestly he's the first to make me feel the shivers on my neck when we kiss and my heart melt when we hug. The next morning we get up and already are making plans to see what needs to be done to get home. Ry calls to the front desk and asks what time the malls open, if I can get my charm for my charm bracelet. We get informed that the malls open at 12pm and we already know that they close at 4pm. Ry lets me know that we may not have time to go get my charm. I have to break up tradition. We wake up Phil and pack our stuff and load the truck. We roam around and found an all day breakfast place. We eat the first real meal since our road trip over to Calgary. I have to be honest it was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I had to break my tradition. I could have simply been dropped off at the mall as Ry and Phil picked up the trailer. But, two navigators are better than one. We make our way to the U-haul and picked up the trailer. This time in record breaking time got the trailer and headed back towards the hotel to load the car up. ( OK one strange thing I found out about Calgary is the people that just stand around waiting to be picked up for available work. ) This man walks up and tries to help us load the car. Personally... I'm very protective of my friends and property. This man crossed a little bit of my comfort zone, not only mine but Phil's as well and I felt it. We tried to talk the man from stepping way and back from us. Me, Phil, and Ry want to load the car with it being mint. I felt a bit uncomfortable with the man simply just touching the car and the wooden pieces Phil had nicely set up for the drive onto the ramp of the trailer. He kept pulling pieces off here and there, touching this and that. Calling Ry "China Man". Ry's a little more nicer than me and Phil. I got a little irritated with the man and wanted to yell at him to back off or be forced to be removed. I was a steps away from Crouching Tiger Hidden Sze up on him. Really... I was. Ry's simply said, "Thank you sir for your insight... but at this point there are just too many cooks in the kitchen." The man just couldn't understand and we just didn't have enough time to deal with this man to let him know. "LOOK, this isn't just any import car. It's a very nicely well loved and blood sweat and tears car that has a lot of money and time placed underneath her hood. Back off... don't touch her. You can't just load her not caring about if she grinds or scrapes. You sir may not care if she does or not... BUT WE DO!!!!! SO BACK OFF!!! FUCK OFF !!! cause I don't give a shit ... just LEAVE!" Yeah I would have said something close to that. He crossed into my comfort zone and super bitchy protective-Sze was about to be unleashed. But I held my tongue and packed and organized the truck as the guys did the loading. The man eventually left after a while and we got the car up on to the trailer. Locked her in and rolled out. After all was said and done we stopped by a Starbucks and the guys washed up and we headed out of town. By the time we left it was 2pm. On our way out of town. It was amusing to make myself feel a little bit more at ease. I waved to strangers. Two to be exact. One was a man on a bus as he looked into our truck as we were beside them at a light. He waved back :) The another was a couple riding their bike as we passed by them at a corner, who smiled back. After a few hours of driving we pit stop and we got into town where it was very windy. I had to record the moment because I thought it was pretty cool how when I step into the wind my hair simply lifts up in a whirl wind. As I was filming Ry was in search of a hug and that's what I caught on tape. As I was caught between a windstorm and a hug. We get on our way and bust it through with Phil driving so much of the way. Somewhere during the night along the way just before entering Hope there's a long stretch that has no pit stops. I was made to go pee in the bushes again. How embarrassing. Once again Ry accompanies me to block me from being visually seen from any oncoming traffic / cars. How do you know your guy's a keeper... when he does something so hilariously ridiculous for you as to be a blocker for you as you pee. Lots of Love for him. Not only once, but twice! We get back home super late. There isn't any way to drop me off with the car being being on the trailer so we ended up dropping Phil home and me staying the night at Ry's before he dropped me off later that day. I accompany Ry to go drop off the trailer, as I requested if we could stop by a Michael's to pick up some canvases. I come home and Dad's home. I introduce Ry to Dad and one thing that caught me off guard was when Ry offered to shake my dad's hand. No one's done that before. After dropping off everything in my room I give Ry a tour of the house and walk him to the door since he had to get ready for his Europe trip, I give him a kiss and hug goodbye ... &hearts This trip has been one with lots of weird and unforgettable moments and stories. This took forever to blog.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Choosing Your Life

There's something amazing about finishing The Secret - half way through the book and my heart since has felt like it's been cut open.

When I bought the four books. The Abs Diet For Women, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Love as a Way of Life, and The Secret. I choose to read them in the order I've listed for some strange reason.

This is how my brain broke it down. One, The abs diet takes time to accomplish, hence first book to read first. It will change my diet but also make me become aware of my what I should be and should not be eating. My health has not been in the bestest of shapes but now it's awesome. I feel very much 100% the old me. With a more awesome looking body day by day... Thank you Abs Diet.

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: I didn't know what to expect from this book, but a part of me believed this book would sooth my soul. It simply reaffirmed what I believed to be my way of living was right all along and that me straying from that was what made me weak. This book made me follow what was and has always been right in my heart.

Love As A Way Of Life: I tell friends about this book and they think it's all about sappiness. You're mistaken. This book made me realize my heart has always been working just fine, but I simply had to refined the way I was loving myself and everyone else through the simplest forms of loving actions. There are little ways we all show love. Patience, Kindness, Humility, Forgiveness, Courtesy, Generosity, Honesty. These are things to live by. This book refilled my very being and reminded me of how much love I still possess. A part of me had forgotten just how much of a loving person I am. I realize just because I may not receive the love I give, doesn't mean I should stop giving. I shouldn't stop believing in love, or that I would ever get it. I should always be giving cause one day, someone, will appreciate this and return it. The last two relationships / people I was dating actually said this to me... but at the time I couldn't understand what they were saying. I was overwhelming them with the love I had to give. The truth is, I've always been this way. If love is my way of life... I wouldn't want it any other way.

The Secret: This book I didn't know how it would change my life, but I knew it would. My cousin hand already told me a little bit about the book but I never fully understood what she was trying to say until I read it. This book blew my mind. That being said. It is testing the limits of my mind. In the process of reading this book, my heart began to felt as though it was opening up. You know that wonderful feeling you get when you're excited and your heart feels like it's radiating energy? That's what I've felt I've been doing since the middle of this book till the end, till now. This book has changed my thoughts.

The four books I choose in my life changing month of May to June were books to condition / recondition my being to everything it was meant to be.
Body, Soul, Heart, Mind.

I'm not the same being I was a year ago, 6 months ago, yesterday. I am so much more. Tomorrow, I'll be greater. Life is wonderful and something to be thankful for.


Thankful List _ 1

I am receiving now, I am receiving all the good in my life, now. I am receiving and...

I am so happy and grateful now for the relationships I have in my life.
I am so happy and grateful now for those who have come into my life and made it so wonderfully beautiful.
I am so happy and grateful now for the skills and talents and knowledge that were taught to me through great teachers.
I am so happy and grateful now to have a wonderful sense of humor and a limitless sense of imagination.
I am so happy and grateful now for the past because it's helped to construct the person and being I am to face the future and what's ahead of me.
I am so happy and grateful now for the money I make and have and my artful career.
I am so happy and grateful now for my ever growing youtube subscribers and fan base.
I am so happy and grateful now for the art shows I've participated in and for my art shows to come.
I am so happy and grateful now for all the smiles that are bestowed upon me through my friends.
I am so happy and grateful now for the great physical shape I am in, for my super sexy sze body and great health.
I am so happy and grateful now to be filled with inspiration to create art, music, sing, dance, write.
I am so happy and grateful now to have the ability to truly believe I am capable of anything. That anything is possible.
I am so happy and grateful now to that my life is filled with love.
I am so happy and grateful now for wonderful, beautiful and supportive family.
I am so happy and grateful now for how rich my life is.

Thank You. Universe of making things clearer and aligning things for me. Thank You.

Monday, June 07, 2010

The Secret

I'm reading The Secret. It says to write down all the things you're thankful for. Start thanking for things that you want to happen to you, in your mind believing that they have already happened. Live like you have already received it. This way of thinking if funny to me because this was one of the things that not too long ago hit me and made a lot of things turn around in my life. But the book has opened up my mind to the possibilities that there can be more. I'm capable of more.

I became thankful for the past, but I hadn't been thankful for the future. Some visions that I see so clearly that I know they are bound to come true. But I didn't thank the Universe for them yet. Maybe I should. Because then when it happens I know it was meant to be because I had attracted those thoughts.

For example. I had a dream of my nephew before he was born. Was it a law of attraction that I foresaw him before he was born, that I new by instinct that he was a boy and would look like mini Peter?

One thing that I hold dear in my heart that I actually secretly wish to see come true are my kids. Wow right. To dream of your kids before they were ever born. I blogged about this before but I never wrote the whole story. I wake up to the sounds of kids laughing. My bed is so puffy big and soft, I seemed to be drowning in a sea of blanket that was engulfed me, everything seemed so white. The sun had already brightened up my room and I got out of bed, pulling on the closest clothes I could get my hands on. I let out a sigh and stretch a little as I got closer and closer to the giggles. I enter the kitchen. It's so white as well. With large windows that seem to overlook something that leads into a garden and back yard, because beyond the white of the kitchen, is green of the tree, and grass and bushes outside. To the right, there were three kids at the semi-round table that faced the open kitchen, two sat closely. My nephew and my son who's a few years younger. As one sat a little more to himself. In my heart I new one was still in bed. I asked the boys where their sister was and they say she's still in bed. The boys at the dining room table, laughing, giggling. One asked, "mommy why are your pants so big?!" following their question with more giggles. I still hear their giggles in my mind. I see their faces and my heart can only wonder how their father looks like. I smile and say, "What? You don't like them?!" I danced the MC hammer dance for them and they laughed some more. How I loved their little giggles. *heart warming*. I turn to my husband whose back is to me and I hug him from behind. Thanking him for getting breakfast ready for the babies and for me, cause he was still cooking. I bring a plate that was ready for me to the table and sit down next to one of my sons who seems a bit sad, he had glasses and was around 7-9 years old. I picked up his little face and said, "hey baby, what's wrong?" he looks up at me and pushes out a grin and shakes his head and sweetly says "nothing." I think my husband said something about hockey, but it was then when I started to hear his voice that everything seemed to faze and I seemed to wake up.

I wish I could sketch out their faces to you, but to be honest, I'd let the Universe work this one out. I am thankful for having seen this dream. It reminds me of a future I could and can have. Beautiful babies, in my house, in my beautiful kitchen. A wonderful husband. I'm thankful because it makes me believe it will happen.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Stop. Just Stop.

This morning my father finds out that the Whey Powder that sits in the kitchen was mine. I bought it as one of the things of ingredients for my shakes. My dad like always, tells me not to buy it anymore. That I shouldn't be drinking it that depending how it was made it can be bad for me. He tells me that I shouldn't be making and drinking the shakes that often, then he tells me to pour some of my shake for him and that whenever I make it I should pour him some next time. I say tell cause that's what exactly is going on. I try my best to keep my cool and not to let him get to me but I say before I leave the kitchen, "Dad, you have to stop TELLING what to do." Though maybe I should get used to the fact that it's always been like this. But on some days I just wish that it was more of a nicer way of communicating. Like him asking nicely if he could try some of what it is I'm eating or drinking or that it would like it if I made a little extra for him next time. That's perhaps the one thing that bothers me, it's never an ask - it's a tell.

Forcing loving actions is not love. Asking for loving actions is received differently from forcing someone to do something loving for you.

I finished reading the - Love as the way of Life - book last night and started on The Secret. The book seems interesting. Somethings are making me think differently.

This morning I chatted with the guy I have been seeing from 12:15 - 2am during his break at work. It's strange how I started to miss him soon after we hung up.

I woke up feeling sick again this morning the same feeling I had the day before except I almost threw up this morning. My brother wakes me up with my mom at 7am to tell me to take my clothes out of the washer and set them aside for now as my brother wants to use the washing machine to do some early morning washing. I'm sorry if he didn't take the time through out this week to wash his stuff as he's prepping to leave. My laundry was the last load from last night I threw in pretty late and didn't do anything about it when everyone went to sleep. Now I get one of the rudest wake up calls in the morning because I was nice enough not to run the dryer at 12 in the morning. I take my clothes out of the washer, dump them in a near by hamper and rush back up stairs into bed before my upset stomach feeling causes me to throw up. I get a couple hours of sleep or at least as much as I could as I have the sound of Mom, Dad, and The Brother eating breakfast in the morning from 7-10 in the morning.

I'm going to be cleaning out my room again, this time getting rid of a lot more things I don't need anymore. From X bf's and the past. I know it happened. There's moments to remember, but there are so many more moments to be made and I need to make room for that now. The what is to be.

It's like the Monk who Sold His Ferrari book. How can you expect to fill your cup of life if it is always full.
Perspective: How can you fill your life with new and wonderful things if it is filled with so many other things from your past, may it be good or bad. It's like what my friend Sundeep said, consume things and let them pass through you, if you hold on to them and dwell, you won't be able to appreciate and realize the elements that present themselves to you in THE NOW.

Abs Diet Calculations Four

BMI Measurement: 21.73
Weight: 115(lb) x 703 = 80845
Height: 61(inches)2 = 3721
80845 / 3721 = 21.73

Waist to Hip Ratio: 0.914
waist: 30" Hip: 34.5"
32 / 35 = 0.87
Target: > 0.80

Weight115 lb114 lb114 lb115 lb
Hip To Waist Ratio 0.9140.900.900.87
Body fat percentage26.66%26.42%26.42%26.66%

Saturday, June 05, 2010


LOL ... just a couple blogs back I said unsatisfied as a title... but this time I'm talking about my wardrobe which I now I feel like my wardrobe is practically GOOD, actually I'm going to get rid of some outfits I realized don't look very good on me. at all. or at least the skinnier now me. I walked in to spring shoes today at lunch looking for white heels to my surprise they had a few! and I was glad to find a pair that was simple and nice and pointy and not too high and not too flat ( flats I learned are bad for me! I'm very used to heels )I returned after work to try one one and purchased them.

I've had two instances yesterday of getting guys saying hello to me as I was on my jog. One today when I was making my way to spring shoes. One thing is I had NO IDEA what any of them were saying to me so I end up smiling and waving them off and go on my way. I didn't know what any of them were saying because I had my ear buds in and I was listening to music. Today however I did stop and turn and ask what he had said and still the young man was a bit too far away from me to hear what he was saying. I gesture I can't hear him and smile wave and walked away.

Well I'm pretty excited to make my way to Calgary :) I'm accompanying someone there but it's really great to hear that today his car got featured on the Driven show site. I'm so proud of him! I know he's spent a lot of time and money on making her (his car) beautiful. I can't wait to get a couple shots of her in her prime! It will be good practice for my photography at the car show for sure! I wonder what I'm going to pack there to wear.

Abs Diet Update: haven't lost any weight but losing fat and gaining some muscle I feel it. back on eating more healthy. I seem to be breaking what I eat to eat with others because that's the only way of me showing that I care for them.

I should finish my book... just a couple more pages. Love as a way of life. I think some of my friends should benefit from reading it.

The guy I'm seeing says I may over think things... I don't over think things. I over feel things. I rather over think things and be aware than one who doesn't think at all.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Working Away

See... I love what I do downtown but sometimes it gets so ... corporate.
Let me do the fun stuff. Let me design something that will be seen. Talked about. Heard.

If I can't do that with graphic design, let it be with fine arts. If it's not fine arts... I don't know what else is there.

Hmmmm... someone just contacted me today about modeling. The truth is, I have thought about becoming an import model once. When I was 16! >_< ten years ago!

I reply to them... the answer is yes. Just give me a month to condition my body to where I'd like it to be. Then the shoot would mean so much more. It's a bit apprehensive thing to do but the truth is, I have to learn to be less afraid of myself and self image. That's why this is more for me than anything else. That years of people telling me I'm fatty... can leave my heart and be filled with the thoughts and true refinement in the fact that I am beautiful. Heart, mind, body, soul. To build a stronger sense of self confidence more than the one that I've slowly built through the years.