Saturday, June 26, 2010

Roller Hockey Brain Rattle

I had a scary experience in hockey today. I don't even know what happened to be honest. They said I ran into someone, but to me all I remember was like someone skated by me and I took kind of like an elbow/shoulder to the head. I went down. Right when I fell I wanted to get right back up but couldn't. My head felt really heavy. I turned onto my stomach and tried to get up there but felt winded at the same time and tears filled my eyes and I found myself trying to gather myself as I was gasping for air and me probably in a turtle position trying to get up. Kinda felt embarrassing and scary at the same time. My teammates helped me up as they took off my helmet and eventually I skated to the bench as I was left with a headache and now kinda of a sore neck. I felt like my brain was rattled a bit. My god brother says if I feel a headache tomorrow morning that won't go away then it maybe something to get checked. This incident brings me back to the bare bones of don't forget I'm a live that life is... short.

As I was in my turtle position trying to gather my breath I hear people talking around me... saying stuff that seems a little hazy as I was fazing in and out to what they were saying... to be honest. My own thoughts were... GET UP... GET UP! ... GET THE FUCK UP! ... BREATHE... and .. why the fuck are you crying?! ... No I wasn't crying crying... tears just filled my eyes as I was gasping for air... I was hearing people but my body couldn't respond until a couple minutes. Till someone was telling me to take as long as I needed ... after a while I said... "give me 5 seconds" Someone telling to let go of my stick. My body didn't even respond right away to that. Someone took off my helmet for me. Apparently when I got up... the person right next to me was... Trevor. I thought it was the ref. I was a little taken to see pink right next to me. Anthony was there. But everyone on both sides were .. concerned and very sweet. Thank You Everyone ♥

All I have is a lingering headache that comes and goes and a little sore neck. My brain just feels a little rattled.

Chris was worried and apparently knew a few guys on the opposing team we were playing up against. I text Ry as me and Chris were heading to dinner. After a game like that I was in need of soul food. To Boonies again we go. I'll post up the images tomorrow. I need to dry my hair and sleep. I've been feeling sleepy since the car ride home and that was 7pm - it's 10pm right now. Ry tells me something about his trip that makes me wonder if I should be worried. If I had anything to worry about. Girls being "friendly" as he's partying it up in Europe. I don't want him to do something there that he ends up regretting and I don't want to regret - us. Chris was joking around saying I may have set the record fastest relationship ever with that one. *puff* Things aren't over. Stupid God Brother.

I don't want to doubt him. So I shall spill out my worries here. I knew he would be partying it up in Europe. I wouldn't even know what would happen if I were to go and be in the same position he's in. Though I have to admit it hurts my heart a little to even imagine him making out with another girl. He's a great kisser and I guess ... I'm not down with sharing him like that. That's why my heart hurts. I miss him too much to confess to him that I may have already fallen for him. I long to see his face. I long to feel the shivers around my neck that he has the ability of creating.

I'm tired. I love you all...... btw... I do...
I may even already love Ry... He already has the ability to make my heartache... not even FL or DY were able to do that. My hearts loving too purely... so purely I feel stupid at times. I then wonder.... am I being stupid? Is Loving - Stupid?


No It's not.
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