Monday, August 30, 2010

Shopping Splurge

My shopping splurge has for the moment filled apart of my lack of creativity. I no longer seem to get as inspired as much as I once did. What does that mean? Should I be in a preparation of my own? If I'm feeling the lack of inspiration does that mean that I should now step up and prepare the ways of being my own inspiration and for everyone else around me? I should create for everyone else. I'm not fulfilling their dreams ( unless I'm on their pay roll ) I'm painting for me. I'm doing this for my dreams and future yet I still can't produce anything. What is it that I'm afraid of? This boggles me. Maybe I should step down not in the position of which I'm in constant pursuit of my dreams - that I won't step aside from. What I should retreat from is the over thinking. One of my biggest flaws is having the ability and want rinsed it from all sides. I should not strive too hard for fame, success, money. I should just strive to be awesome at being me and everything I do. I have to stop myself from asking advice too much from people I know who will block me from my aspirations. I should do what I want when I truly feel it's right to. Stop worrying if it's a good idea or not. How would I ever know it is an awful idea if I never chance it. I chanced a lot of things already this year. I've regretted nothing. Every little small mistake have taught me and continues to build my character, faith, belief, hope.

It's officially less than a month away from my birthday. What would I like??? Wow that's a hard one. I would love inspiration. But that can't really be given just as a present. I would love to have a get-together dinner with friends, but that's always a hard thing to set up. I hope to continue the tradition of dinner with Chris- to celebrate our birthdays together like last year. Sadly ... The truth is I never want to ask for too much- ever. I guess I've been let down too much. Expecting a lot will only set myself for a downfall of heartbreak like so many times before. That's why I have low expectations when it comes to these things - even anniversaries. I've gotten used to people forgetting special occasions. Sad - right? Yeah I know. Ok let me just note a few things I am saving up for or currently am on my want list.

I would like my bf to get a bigger tv :p
Ps3 - cause little big planet 2 coming out in nov.
a camera lens that goes between the ranges of 55-300 zoom.
Vacation- anywhere lots of work coming on soon. I needs a break. But I also needs the money. ( been wanting to go to Bowen island but it's starting to get cold now )
I'm currently contemplating a new Pc /mac that's all decked out to design all day on.
I'm really thinking about a trip to asia - I think it's about time I saw and held a live panda. And try to see if I can track down any really great Chinese painters.
By my birthday, my visa will be paid off. Time to start banking 1700+ / month into my savings. Now I'm thinking of a car. But then again I want to get my scooter and helmet.
Ahh I can't think of anything else. To be honest I don't expect anyone else but me to get these things for me. I'm just at that point in my life that I am building my life. Making enough on  my own to be self sustaining and independent. Because my realist kicks in to say... Anything happens at anytime. Just be ready for whatever it is life / whoever throws at you.

Following items I've purchased this month. Paints, canvases, bike lock, bento box, tokidoki hats, light up t-shirt, mini hat hair clips, earrings, makeup. Mmmm I wonder should I do a motherload shot. Lol
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