Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Get Up And Walk Away

My good days get clouded by the end of the day when I come home, sit at the table and then hear whatever it is he has to say to me.

This morning I didn't even want to get out of bed, but I did. I pulled myself out of bed, showered and then I got ready and went to work. I rarely eat breakfast at home anymore, there's never food I can / want / don't like to eat. I'd buy stuff for breakfast but I'd just get an earful of what I shouldn't eat and I should stop buying crap food to eat cause that's the reason why I gain weight and am fat. [ I seriously need to move out ] YUP - that's right. Anyways... you know how crazy wonderful it is when you just listen to some music and then ... you feel just right. That's what happened to me this morning. I was listening to my headphones and I was feeling so fantastic I was so excited, not about work. More about ... LIFE. I play Kingdom Hearts on my hello kitty covered case DS - on my way to work. I don't get very far but I'm trying to finish the game before I get the psp one. I go to Jugo Juice and get a smoothie to eat with some delicious raincoast crisps. [ I'm so addicted to them -_- ] . That basically was my breakfast. I work away. I sliced up one web design and coded the html and css for it. Started another web design. Been pretty busy lately 2 logos and 3-4 websites in the span of 4 weeks. I would say that's pretty intense and apparently enough for me to handle. I check and see before I left work that my packaged arrived so I rush home to prep my bicycle - pump up the tires - strap on the new lock I got for it. In the process of rushing there before it closes my dad had to tell me something to relay to my brother. I'm trying to get all the stuff for heading out ready and my dad gets mad at me for not stopping everything I'm doing to talk and listen to what he had the say. I said, "can't this wait till I get back?". He goes on and on and I stand a listen to him and leave. I went to the post office and got my package and rode home. :) My hats.. :) Well one is for me and one I got for Ry, I didn't know what else to get from the Tokidoki site so I got something for him. -_-. I come home and it's near dinner time. I sit down to eat with my dad. [ I dread these moments because I know he's going to say something to insult me, or someone, or complain or comment about the food he bought and cooked and how much they were. Fuck I hate talking about money and food in the same subject content. ] My dad talks and talks ( he's a babbling brook. ) He says how rude it is of me not to look at him as we talk. [ I'll you you all know something, I'm only rude towards my dad. He's probably one of the people I'm super rude to only because on the basis that he's rude to me. That's it. Judge me, scold me, call me names .. I can go on but I don't want to sit here all night. But WOW - I never thought someone who claims to be SO smart! Say such ignorant and things that are just so insulting to the point it disgusted me and I had to leave the table. My future brother in law is gay. My dad said... wow, his parents must be so sad.  [ What? dad - are you serious ?- Did those words just come out of your mouth? ] Then he instructs me to advise my sister not to let him hold the baby anymore. [ At this point, I'm disgusted my dad would even say anything of this nature. I'm going to be honest to say - it's a pure asshole thing to say. ] My question to him was, "Why?"  He looks at me like I don't know, or that I must be stupid. To be honest I was looking at him seriously shocked at the fact that he would even say such a thing and I want an intelligent reply from an some what intelligent man. He says to me stunned - "Why?? ( like he can't believe I asked why. ) " He goes to say that it's not because he's Gay, because 89% of gay people have diseases and aids. [ At this point.. I'm done. I don't want to hear anymore, I don't even want to be in his presence. I start to finish up my plate of food.] He goes on to talk about all the places of the homes of the buildings he's gone to go fix the appliances in that is in the downtown gay district of town. How he won't even dare to touch anything in their homes. [ For someone who says they are so much smarter than me. The words that come out of his mouth are so disrespectful and unintelligent, it breaks a part of my soul off and crushes it. ] I get up, I tell my dad I'm done - [ Done listening to him talk ] - grab the bowl of soup that I wasn't finished with, walk off the the sink to put my dish down  and bring the soup to my room to finish. I don't know how he does it. A little bit of everyday I spend with him I want to spend it more apart. I've tried God, I've tried to love him but he's my biggest heartbreaker, soul crusher, ladder knocker - EVER. [ Ladder knocker - you climb it, he'd knock you off ] Why does he bother me so?!  *sigh*

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