Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Skytrain Delights 1

Skytrain Delights 1
I love vanilla mornings and the day is just beginning. I'm dressed up with flats and the heels are in my bag. Lugging my bf's present around. I hope he likes it. My stomach is starting to hurt again. I guess I've been in the green so much now a days when sick days come I'm blah... Either that or I'm getting my period. But that ended not too long ago. I really don't know why I'm calling this skytrain delights.
Yesterday I came up with a thought- what happens if we dream our dreams ( the ones we feel are so real ) . We remember for a moment after I waking and they fade. What happens if that fading is only a stage of it manifesting into reality. That the fade is a process it must undergo for it to happen.
I had a dream once I woke up from my bed with my husband cooking pancakes for the kids. I used to remember their faces so clearly - but I'll be honest to say it's fading. I remember almost everything but their faces and I wonder it's because I'm meant to forget as that future is now manifesting into reality? And then there's a part of me that wonders. Maybe I'm forgetting them because I'm letting go of the idea that I'll ever get married or have babies. I hope that's not the case. I'd love to actually see my babies one day.
I've been having a lot of Dejavu's lately. One instance was with my new monitor as I was pulling it out of the box. Another instance was when I... I forget. But I remember saying dejavu about three times in this month alone.
Maybe dreams are meant to be forgotten, the moments that that are yet to be our reality. The ones we remember change our lives and life goals. The nightmares- let them remain nightmares.
I was asked to get a blurb about myself. Maybe ask someone who knows and loves me. Then I hit a brick wall. I start to really wonder. Who do I know well enough that knows me and my art to write about me. Who really knows and loves me? My sister? my boyfriend? Friends in my creative family? And then that doubt sets in from previous experience this week to question if I am loved. of course I am. But one always wonders. Who do I ask? All? Or just one person?
I wonder if and when you really want something- Is it that easy to just ask for it? Just ask how. People will be intrigued that you're striving to and help. People aren't one to watch someone reach success, but they don't mind helping them get there. Being a part of someone elses' goal.
I've ignored mine for long enough.

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