Saturday, June 18, 2011

Running On Low

I asked my sister and a dear friend a question:
If you had to choose between

someone that gives you tingles - but you don't have fun with.
OR
someone you have tons of fun with but no tingles.

Who would you choose?

Neither of them said any particular one - it's pretty hard choice.

I'm running on low, have been working hard - spending hard too to catch up on the things I really really want to do and produce.

Downtown work has been hectic - our company is growing. I actually worked a 13 hour day. That was insanity! but after wards my boss took me to dinner.
He thanked me for the hard work that truly without me he doesn't know where we would stand today. He assures me our company is going to grow. I feel this updated change as well. I mean when I started working there was I would say the brink of 2008-2009? It wasn't soon after when we updated our computers - now another overhaul this time computer and programs. We're taking on more clients than ever and even feel overwhelmed on some days when I'm on my own. Things need to get done - more things coming in, and then there's a chain of priority that just bumps everything out of place. I'm stuck learning new things that I particularly don't want to learn ( cause I don't really know how well this new founded knowledge will really help me ) It just seems like more of a developer thing than a designer ordeal, that's all. I shouldn't complain. Getting paid to learn on the job should be a bonus.

I haven't had very much fun lately, it doesn't help my relationship at the moment that I haven't done anything fun either. I can't really take time off till later in the month - but that's when Ry has to go back to work. On our one year - we celebrated and then moped the loss of the Canucks. And then a few days later to loss of the Stanley Cup! - I had originally thought it would be nice and awesome to eat somewhere downtown / close by and watch the game - be in a people setting. - WHY? Because I missed out on the Olympics - I didn't get to see the venues / attractions cause I worked and the person I was with at the time just wasn't all that interested either. I know it doesn't take having with someone to have fun - but if it's someone you want to experience life with - you should experience life with them right? Excitement - loss - win? I feel at times I expect more - I would like to experience more - not the same old same old. My life becoming something rather a bit - sad. A little depressions been sneaking up on me and I'm fighting it. I wear masks very well to hide it.

I miss some things - very much - that I didn't think I would in / from relationships. The snuggles and cuddles - a nickname - the I love you's. What I once thought didn't fill my love well has now made me miss the thirst of a certain way of being loved. When I don't get it, I don't feel it and I feel a bit lonely. I now know what someone was once trying to convey to me, I understand now - what I could not back then. It took time, perspective and experience to understand.
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