Sunday, July 17, 2011

First Playoff Game

I'm writing about this day after the fact that it's passed. I can't really call what happened this day, but I know the weather wasn't nice for most of the morning. I think - if the rest of the weather is going to be like this for the rest of my vacation days, I'm going to be a bit depressed.

Sometimes they say the road to recovery is to keep occupied. They are either right or just avoiding the facts of what happened because they don't want to face the situation. No - I've said my peace, dealt with what I had to this week and simply letting it all go. My friends, new and old somehow all of a sudden seem to now return to fill the void. I feel now like I'm no longer turning down my friends as I did slowly this past year. I need to find the perfect balance of keeping a relationship that doesn't cut into my creative productive times. I should not be directing my love for one thing towards the wrong things. Loving wholly and all the time can drain you, especially if the two things are so different. Perhaps I am in need of searching for someone that can be one and the same. Perhaps I should start to abandon the thoughts of that "someone" because maybe, just maybe they don't exist. Yeah, I really don't want to believe that.

I don't think I can recall someone who claimed they liked me and really worked hard at winning my heart. You can be someone that is very likable- but are you so worthy of being won over? Is there someone that loves you so much that will jump through hoops to prove their love to you? Or has it all come down to the point of them telling you and just expect you to choose? No proof - no more words than a few lines, are simple little words like "I love you" supposed to just be enough? Then there are those that say "I shouldn't have to try." Perhaps the worst set of little words you can hear. If it's love - people should try, if they really love someone, trying is all they got left when there is nothing else to lose. Trying is the only stand point you can create and it is then effort represents more than just heart, but courage and faith.

Words - can be written and be easily misunderstood. There is no author to read you specifically how the phrases are emphasized, spoken with emotion / no emotion. In the end words are all we have in a ways of communcation because actions now-a-days are so easily misinterpertations of what we are truly what we want to say. Have we all become so easily influenced by our surroundings that we will conform to what is expected of us? Why must it be so difficult to just be ourselves? We are living in a generation of open expression, yet we still are so mindful of what others think of us. I'm not saying we shouldn't be mindful / considerate of others. I'm saying - be aware of what it is you truly want, be thoughtful in your words, but express enough of yourself the rightous way where you will regret nothing in the end because you will always be who you are.

As I left for the game that day to head down to the King Edward Station. My walk to the bus stop was rainless - It is in these moments I feel as though God watches over me like a wonderful parent. Why do I say this? Well I'm carrying so much stuff that I have no free hands or space for an umbrella, and I wasn't wearing a waterproof jacket. In the few moments of me having to make it to the bus stop to catch my bus - it stops raining. On my way there as I sit on the train to make my way down to my destination the rain continues on. I have to be thankful for the little things that make me feel so loved. Chris my godbro and his friend comes to pick me up at the station :) - Chris did a little trick on me pretending to be James - texting me saying that he couldn't make it.
I text Chris to say that James isn't coming and what not, but he told me to stay put. James then texts me to tell me he's 5 mins away then he drives up with Chris in the passenger seat. Apparently it's been Chris the whole time. James then tells me that he wouldn't do that and just abandon me. I show up at the game and we lose in over time. The sadness of losing doesn't really hit me until we were at the Japanese restaurant in Richmond called Ajitaro, apparently you can't leave left overs or they charge you. I guess it just comes with the territory of an all you can eat place. I picked up the bill for the guys as they took the time to chauffeur me. I don't get home till really late and just went to bed soon after.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL
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