Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Think About Yourself

There are a lot of things that happen when you get out of a relationship. You think about a lot of stuff. Everyone tends to have one thing and that is that they hold on when they in reality should be letting go. I guess I had my cancer scare, paralleled with my break up which came at the right time to uncover that blindfold of perfection that we tend to put on sometimes when viewing our past significant other whom we may have loved for years and years. We want to hang on to something we loved so much because ... well because the truth is - it's easier. When you know a part of your heart says they weren't the one for you, that there were moments where they just broke your heart or disappointed you and you thought 'oh well everyone makes mistakes', but they just kept happening. Really? should someone that really really loves you with the kind of love you deserve ever do what they've done to you? to disappoint you not only once but multiple times. So many times you've come to ignore when he does and come to accept that that's just the they were. There's a key to a good relationship. That's happiness. If you just settle with the fact that they are not loving the way you need to be loved - but you're alright with it. You're lying to yourself. Why out of all this time have you forgotten about you? What you need? Want? and Love? Think about yourself sometimes - scratch that... think about yourself A LOT! Most of the time when I debate in my head I ask myself. How would I like to be treated? How would I like to be loved? I treat others a lot of the time the way I would like to be treated. I do little things. I offer up my seat to the elderly or someone that seems to have had a long day. [ I think when I'm old I would like the same ] . I hold the door for some people, I will hold the elevator door. Smile at random people. Help pick up something for someone when they've dropped something. I guess I'm trying to be as NICE as I can be in hopes that - that niceness will mirror back at me. There is one thing I noticed a lot lately, I always say 'thank you' to the bus driver now and now more and more I hear thank you's to the bus driver. I hardly ever heard it before on my bus. We rarely say thank you, or even the word please anymore. When I was falling out with Trevor I did think about his point of view. I thought, what if I didn't love him anymore and he couldn't let me go ( the truth is I felt like we should have split two years earlier and he said no and I stayed in the relationship. ) But I know how that "no" pushed me to keep trying to love him when I felt he needed to learn so much more. I couldn't just say "no" when he asked to split. Because I had already saw and felt the outcome of that answer. We loved each other for so long already, I'd given so much and felt so little in return. And to be honest, he probably felt the same. We may even look back and say wow 8.5 years was a long time... yet it feels so short. When I had my cancer scare I had to choose. I can cry about a relationship or fight for my life. Maybe during all breakups people should come down with symptoms of cancer and then their mind set will be at the same point. Do you fight for a relationship OR do you fight for life. It was a simple choice - why? Because I'm worth it! One thing to think about during a break up. Especially when you're the one being dumped. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF! I chose my life because well I'm going to be honest. That relationship was with some-ONE. ONE person out of billions and billions on this tiny small ass planet. You are ONE person but you're important to you because you always should be, there is no one else in YOUR LIFE that can replace the world that's created around you because you create your universe. Think about that statement. You create your universe. [ If something makes you sad, you keep yourself in that state of sadness ] It's the same train of thought when someone dies. Some are sad that someone so wonderful has died - then you have to look at the flip side, they are in a better place. [ This is how I think: You shouldn't focus on the fact that you'll miss them, be so thankful of the fact you ever had the chance to even know them at all. Without them you would have never experienced some feelings that they have created within you. ] Number one thing in life is experience. There is nothing else but that and that is the reason you're alive. Why god breathed air into your lungs and why your heart beats and your mind sends pulses through out your body. When someone experiences a fall out there's the heartache. This heartache is actually a good thing. Not good as in ... oh it's great something so sad happened. NO NO.. look at it from a different perspective. This heartache tells you a lot about yourself. Tells you how much you did love this person. How much you felt loved. It tells you what makes you feel happy and loved and what just causes your heart to ache. Heartache is a good experience. With out it you wouldn't be able to comprehend what Love is. Think about yourself. There are more fish in the sea, someone that is willing to make you happy and feel loved. Stop filling up your cup with moments of the past. Empty that cup of past events and thoughts and sadness so that the universe can fill it with what it is you truly want for the future.
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