Behind SyloArts

I thought they were our kids that I saw in my dream. But I realized a few weeks back that you were never in the dream. I was with them in the kitchen, making them laugh as I had slipped on a pair of daddy's sweat pants. They were my kids. They were beautiful boys, giggling as they were eating breakfast as I did the MC Hammer dance for them. How I wish I get to see their faces one day.

I don't know what to say, my mind is blank. A friend calls and informs me that we spoke of the day before was true. My instincts were pretty dead on. But it's nice to know that our relationship did not end of the fact cause of another girl. But he's moved on. It's time I did the same as well. I need to return to that peaceful happy place. B. was right, it was a "train wreck". I survived it. I've recovered. Here's another song to help me feel better and make me feel Hockey-ish.

I realized it hurts more to miss someone when they are still alive then when they've passed. You want to see them, cause you care for them. You want to love them cause they will always be loved in your heart. Most importantly while you still can cause you're both still here. When I checked facebook this morning at work, I could not hold my tears in when I read a message from Steph ( X's Cousin ). How she felt and thought about me. How and what Gage said when she explained to them the break up ( in little people terms ). I've watched two of her babies grow since birth. Her's were not the only ones but baby Sabrina as well. After 8.5 years with Trev, how can I not slowly adopt his family as my own, since I only have a handful of immediate family here. I miss them, I truly did fall in love with them. This coming January. My immediate family is growing, I'm becoming an aunt soon =)

I wake up on my stomach at 5:50am on the dot according to the clock on the wall that reads "6:00 AM". I've fallen asleep with light on again, my contacts still in and the "Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy" Main Menu is Playing Continutously on the DVD and on my TV screen. I've just woken up from another dream of TT. Just as though my physical reality is ready and aware, prepared to let go of us. It seems as though my sub-conscience is not. The last ten minutes of my dream was strange. VERY STRANGE. All I can say is: I'm walking towards some mall, in my dream it looks like Royal, the one that is right at Burrard Station. I don't cut through the station, but I walk up it's stairs to the street level and I'm with my cousin LX. Cross the street and enter the mall through the street entrance. The mall has completely changed as I enter it, I don't know where I really am. We walk around and find a restaurant to eat at, I walk around the rest...

For last couple of days I've felt that. My mind was really starting to get over things to let go. I was preparing myself to let go and move on. Brad's frankness made me realized this, but I realized last night after chatting with Rob that I am far from it. Today at work I came to terms that I should not forget that I need to get myself back to a healthy weight and when I do then I can go for a full physical. Only then when I find out if I'm all alright and that health issue that comes and goes is really nothing. Then I will fully commit again, because I can't if I'm not at the best on my own terms. If I go in half-heartedly, then I will just be lying to myself and the other person in the relationship. I know beating away guys with a stick is not a nice thing to do, to lead them on to believe that something will happen when it won't is worse. It's hard to say that my mind says move on when my heart says stand still. I can't remain at a stand still in this...

I spent most of my day again going through images, this time of my art work to update my facebook fan page. So you can go to one of two places to check out my art. My Website: www.syloarts.com My Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Syloarts/ I was also observing my youtube. Unbelievable that one video surpasses the other in less than one day. I was pretty happy to find out that P.C. actually commented back to the shout out to him. I actually held back the footage a couple of days before publishing it last night. Went for another 4.8k jog today found myself very tired after a short race against my cousin that we did nearing the hill that we must battle during this run. Came home to see everyone had already arrived home and soon after my sister and her hubby to be showed up for dinner. During the run I realized why I enjoy working out / running to relieve emotional stress after a break up. Since I sigh time to time to relieve my emotions, during running I'm forced...

Trevor just came to pick up his stuff. One week after the finalization of our break up. His half of the stuff is gone. I'm heart broken all over again. I want to cry my eyes out. Because I know this is the fine line where both of us may no longer look back. NO CRYING MORE PYROBOOBY.

I feel so down today, after waking up from another dream with Trevor in it. Is it just starting to hit me? the aftermath of it all? ( I have to remember to breathe ) My dream took place outside of my old house in the yard. I was with Trevor. It was a Lee Family get together. I scold Trevor, asking him why he brought me there, wondering was it because he couldn't face everyone without me. He tells me he's still very confused about everything but he knows he misses me he asks me to simply tell him what to do. I do. I tell him as long as he lives at home, we can never move forward. ( I guess he chose what he felt where he was happiest. My heart this whole time is blank, I feel no sadness no warmth. Is it because I feel that he just threw us away? That his tries only felt as though they were attempts? I start to wonder where exactly did our love start fading. I felt it two years ago and I asked for changes, I took my heart out and placed it wholeheartedly back into our relation...

I feel this once a day, I sigh a big sigh to recover. At that moment I'm so sad, I miss Trevor so much. I want to call him, touch him, kiss him. I want to cry but I don't. I work out.

My friend asked me during my "break" with Trevor why I love him. I never really gave him a full on answer. I will tell you guys why. He is just as real as I am. Though I'm brutally honest, I am honest in a kind way. He is honest regardless. He has always made me smile in the last 8 years and a half every time I'm with him. It has only been this last month or so, that he hasn't. To me, he's the greatest hockey player I know. Even after so long, there were the kisses that just felt like they were the same as the ones that we had when we started dating. His lips would just make my heart melt. My head fits perfectly on his shoulder when I lay beside him. When I see him with his baby cousins, I think about how great of a father he's going to be. I've fallen in love with his family. When he smiles flashing his teeth, I always wish my eyes were like a camera to capture it as a photo. On our first date I fell in love with him from his profile, I simply stare...

I've been through heartbreak before. I've had a handful of failed relationships but this one however that just ended is by far the longest I've been in. I know what it means have someone break your heart. The world around you for that moment seems to just fall apart and all you think is about that person no matter how much you feel like you hate them, you can't. You only hate how they are making you feel, at that moment, at that time. I have yet to cry my eyes out to the point I hyperventilate since the last time I posted about it. But ever since the actual breakup little by little I keep feeling this feeling. It over took my yesterday afternoon and I've been feeling it ever since. This is how it really feels like. Someone's just stabbed me through the back with a giant icicle. Piercing my back, into my chest, through my heart and out of my chest. ( This is the best description I have for it. Since my last one last night. ) Why do I feel like this. I was O...

Dreaming: I felt as if sometime has past, for some reason I'm sitting in the car with Trevor ( now X-bf ) and he's talking to me. He says to me he wants to get back together cause he misses me. I feel my face scrunch up into an expression of shock and the only thing that comes out of my mouth is a big "UHHHH?" I wake up with a moan and I feel...sad...it was only a dream. I fall back to sleep. I dream again...this time I don't remember about what...I jump awake from the knocking on my bedroom door. ( Was I snoring? really loud? ) My dad's voice comes from the other end. "Are you sleeping?" I reply, "Yes" And he asks, "Are You Okay?" I reply, "Yes" In this moment, I'm touched. Out of a lot of situations this is one question that made me feel he really really loves me. *sniff sniff* I can't help but cry thinking about it now. My sister calls me cause she just got my text message about the split. She che...

Well... It has been two weeks on the dot since me and my recent other saw each other and he said to me that he just didn't feel the same. and we went on a break. Today was the first time I've seen him since. After a long talk ( not giving specifics ) tears from both parties. We broke up. He didn't feel the same anymore and was happy being single. As for me... Even though I feel like trying would save us. If he's not happy I have to let him go. I truly love him. And if he's happier without me then I have to let him go. That's true love. I've always been this way. We've decided to stay friends with all the history between us. I've already cried hard enough the other day that my emotions are not the same. I spent the last two weeks coping with the fact that we won't recover. In the end I gave him a punch to the arm as we talked face to face. I walked him out and with a hug and kiss on the cheek we said our goodbyes to one another with well wishe...

I had a dream where we made love, and everything was back to normal. I guess I love him more than I thought, I miss him more than I feel. I'm trying my best to focus on me. But my heartaches. I see him in my dreams now. I can't even tell him how I feel... ps. weighed myself this morning. Currently standing at 125 and losing: 10 more pounds to go.

I feel much better, though I am still a little sleepy ( I did get sleep after my break down ). I woke up and after chatting with family and friends. I feel much better. Thank You. I love you all so much.

I am currently so upset. That I don't know what to do. I have never cried so hard in the last ten years then I have this morning. Spent the last hour( 5am - 6am ) crying my eyes out. I spent the last thirty minutes calming myself down from hyperventilating as I was crying SO hard. In the back of my mind I was thinking who I should call to console me, but the only person that I really want to call to tell them just how I feel. I can't. It has been officially a week that me and trev has been on break. None of his friends know. Due to the break, I missed the last game of the my roller hockey team ( Which they won the division championship. ) And I don't know why but this hurt me more than anything he has ever done to me. Asking for the break during this time. I feel as though missing the final game has made me lose another part of me and time that I cannot get back. I hate this feeling. I cried liked I was 15 years old and my first love just dumped me. I feel like I ...

Me and my bf are currently on a little break. Kind of breaks my heart, but these things just happen. I'm sad not because of that it is because earlier today I was making these waffles served with strawberry marble ice cream. The last time I made the waffles I thought to myself... I should make these for 'him' in the morning the next time he sleeps over. It was so delicious. And I think to myself, every good moment or feeling has always made me want to share these moments with him. I wonder if he had ever thought of that to me.