Monday, August 30, 2010

House Not So Much A Home

I come back here and I get reminded why I hate returning. He scolds me - tells me my knowledge of health information is only 1 percent compared to what he knows. He threats that I should eat rice. [ Really dad... isn't it my choice what I choose to eat. Trust me if I were to become a vegetarian he would yell at me to eat meat. ] I'm on the brink of tears brought by this man. Seriously I have no idea why he has this ability. Why I even take it so personal, like so many times my sister has advised me not to. You would think the person that was part of the responsibility of bringing you into this world would build you up, not knock you down. If it wasn't physical abuse during my childhood it was mental up until adulthood. Seriously why am I still here??? ... I owe this man money... but not my life. I feel even more stupid still feeling any kind of love for this man anymore. I used to feel bad that I would abandoning him if I moved out, but seriously... no more. It's ridiculous the things he says to me. Talking non-sense again about my believing doctors about the medicine he's seen me take and that I shouldn't have to take them and what not. Advising that I shouldn't even take Advil or Tylenol when needed that it's "bad" for you. I don't know if I've come to hate this man, or just believe he's a pure asshole. I can't even start to explain how disrespected I was when he regulated that I couldn't even have friends over and if they where where they could and couldn't go in the house. He says I'm a loner and when I bring home a friend he says I shouldn't bring them into certain places ( that weren't even my room ) long story short, it felt like I should bring friends over at all.  I don't know if he said those things because my friend was brown but it was a slap to the face. I don't know... I'm just hating him a lot right now. He says the same things to me - bringing me to feel like I'm worth nothing at all.
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