Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Goodbyes To One I Remember

Goodbyes To One I Remember
I broke down in high school ten years ago to the day. I cried yesterday, when I visited just outside my old high school. Where it all went down. Lol, I cried when a guy who was friends with a group came an introduced himself and was yelling back to his friends why I was there. Why did he have to do that? - was the first thought in my head - another part of me wonders if Ray was there, knowing he wouldn't let it pass if there was no hello's between his friends. You see, the thing why I would be so touchy about it is that - that is why I remember him the most. Our hellos. I told the guy that yesterday and he made sort of a, 'OMG you're here because he just used to say hello to each other?!' - yes, and no- I wanted to tell him that he didn't understand. That the truth of it was that it didn't matter how far away from Ray I was - he would always say 'Hi', may it be a wave, a honk and wave, we could be at the opposite ends of the school and he would whistle and wave or something but a hello would be there as long as we were in eyes view of one another. That's why I was there, familiar faces were there, but they don't remember little old me. I first met Ray in art class. I started making an effort to converse with him in the halls after one of my friends was close to one of his. In senior year after this incident I singularly parted from my crew of friends in high school - more so hang with them once and a while. The whole ordeal after Ray's death was a bit sad. But I chose to be more of a loner, a part of me knew it was when I needed to find my own distinction from them. I built my rep as the 'artist' and there was nothing more to it than that. I can't be amongst those who can't distinguish the difference the clear line of right and wrong. I knew ten years ago, I just didn't need drama. But the funny thing is that drama will somehow always surrounded me. Now I try to avoid or tame it. Sometimes it's hard to avoid- but hey- life goes on for me till the doctor says so.
I worked on the first half of the lyrics to the new beat that SJ sent me. Kinda sucks he notified me yesterday that the studio is fully booked this week after 6.

I shopped online last night and got Christmas presents. I'm wondering if I should bake tonight. - I noticed that I sleep well and early when I'm with Ry- I end up with 3-4 hours sleep now a days. My brain is always thinking of what next. What should I do. I should be painting. No- I really should be. As I was walking to the bus stop this morning I was feeling excited. Excited about this 27th year. Funny I'm a month in.

D-Meth is building, 6 weeks in a row we've continued pushing out music and Cover art. I've been working on the blog but I feel I'm at a stand still. I really should be looking into building a new computer because the one downstairs shoots me an error message from time to time. Fine- every time I'm designing. Not enough on the scratch disk for memory. The computer just makes me mad- pc's - lol I should hate on pc's to be honest - I work off of a monster of a computer at work. But the pop ups still bug me. I am leaning towards a Mac because I Have bought serials and licenses for a few of the programs. Debate- I'm probably going to go with a Mac. I guess it's time to research my butt off. Mac, because I already know how to edit video and produce music and everything with them. Pc's they can be upgraded, but I will need to learn whole new programs for editing and producing. I was running about looking for one of my keyboards yesterday. I wonder if we still have it. Ah, Pc or Mac. ?!
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