Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Feeling It

Feeling It
I'm feeling a lot of things at the moment. Back pain, bloating cause aunt flows preparing herself for some grand entrance.

I'm currently listening to Beyonce and she's just amazing! Wow.

Boyfriend was being very sweet yesterday till this morning. Well he's very sweet a lot of the time really. But as he held me as I was playing little big planet while he slept. It was - humbling - and to think of the things we have been through together in a short amount of time.

Many dejavu's are happening in a sequence of different subjects that I don't know if I should act on as I saw in my dreams or will things change? Because I'll change it. What happens if we believe we change our future as we see them. But then the alternate outcome has been foreseen as well.

I was on the verge of tears. Placing myself in the 'I'm dying' state of mind. I was starting to imagine my funeral. Who would come. From in and out of town. If any- at that too. And the unexpected ones. That you never thought would come to pay their respects. It's heart breaking and fascinating at the same time.

Works been harsh the last two days working through lunch, basically me shoving things into my mouth in hopes to finish everything on the list. I've pushed out 12 different tasks each day for a number of different clients. Maybe even more. My day ended today with a web design. Which I'll continue tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day! Lunch with one of the bosses we share offices with and my boss. Tomorrow's when I'm going to the art store with Dj then putting up the canvases . I don't know if I'll attend a buds dinner get together considering my back is killing me. Wait- I think the dinner is tomorrow. Wow priority calls.

I keep thinking of my Artshow. I wonder who would come. I dreamt of it once. Foreseen it. Till then I guess.

I'm seeing more paintings - visions that is. Things to be moving at a fast pace. No slowing down for those that are living with a time limit. I have to start working out more. My body feels like if I don't, it isn't strong enough to push through to all thing things I need it to. I need to take care of my heart again. Doesn't matter if I'm still as thin this whole year, if I'm to face the upcoming events in the next few months. There should be no laziness from anyone in my circle. Time ticks on. Some of us are living just to die. But I feel like I'm dying to live. To prove myself that I'm not a robot. I never feel like that though. Just a robot. I guess cause I love what I do. I get paid to design

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