Starting Work Earlier
OMG- I can't believe how much people are on the train right right now. And I have he strangest feeling the girl across from me keeps staring at me. Maybe personal paranoia but ugh. I hate that shit. I leave the house this morning and doggy walks me out. I go tell my dad I'm leaving for work and he's shocked - so early?! -um yeah . You can go back to sleep for another few hours as I start work at 8am now. So go back to your half lazy life- thank you. I made myself something to eat around 5-6 yesterday and he gave me the - why didn't you cook dinner for me, you never cook me dinner- talk. Really? I ate cereal - and I have cooked - no one ever really eats it - no matter how good it is cause it's 'western' food. So - suck it.
My friend Hugh - calls me and let's me know he needs art for the hotel he works for. I'm really just glad to have the heart to produce art right now. The fact that ideas are flowing in. But if I have a steady flow a location that needs art. Exposure is really what I'm going for. The thought of auctioning it off at the end of three months is good. Four times a year - while still producing art for the final art show.
I hardly have to worry about that now- my minds filled with personal relationship stuff. It weights heavy on my heart- not knowing where things are going. A part of me feels like the Bf avoids the talk- and I'm at the brink of - times a ticking. I've told him how I feel- it's on his half I'm waiting on.
Maybe I shouldn't think about that too much and just focus on art- whole hearted and engulfed myself in it. Besides downtown work - that is.
I'm currently trying to train myself to let go of future expectations. What does this mean? You see- having the 'psychic' ability to sometimes foresee some events. Sucks- then there's the - will that really happen? Comes to question. And is it not happening cause I keep holding on to it , not allowing the course of events to unfold itself to lead to it's final outcome. Let go of the dream where my kids are eating breakfast- my art show . Two big wants of the future. Two things I've dreamt of. that I have to let go of. Not because I don't believe they will happen- is the fact that deeply in my heart I do. I just have to let it go to allow it to manifest into reality.
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