Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Long While

A Long While
It's been a long while since I've written anything - just space and time are against me. If I'm not seated in the early mornings to blog- then I won't blog. If I'm not on the travel - I won't blog. But I like time to myself. And rarely get to say what's on my mind.

Well just yesterday felt like craziness and mayhem - there seems to be no such thing as doing things quietly at home - even when it comes to finding papers. It's like blame city. I know what and where important things are - my family number one issue - listening. Cause we lack that sincerity of one another - just to listen. I started to put up my wall against them a long time ago - one thing always leads to an insult. Or that's how I feel. If I never brace myself at all times - I wouldn't be here and that's a sad honest truth.

I am now selling lots of things on eBay. One - to get rid of stuff. Two - make money back. Three - it will make it easier when I find a place and move out. I thinks about time - I don't think I can take anymore of the barely sleeping nights as footsteps seem to stomp around the house with an insomniac mother. I barely get enough sleep when I am home and - I play catch up sleep when I sleep over at the boyfriends. Exhausting is trying to juggle everything - travel - work - relationship and friendships. I'm glad to say I don't have to worry about finances as I've automated a lot of my savings from now on. - I'm upset that my dad keeps bugging me about my license - how on earth can I get it when I don't enough practice time to even be comfortable behind the wheel? I don't have time / the money at the moment to go and sign up for more driving classes and to pay them to use their car for the road test. When I signed up for my classes the first time I knew this would be my problem- when everyone around me saying not to pay for the full program cause they'll take me out. And reliability is so low - when people pull through for me - is what surprises me. I heavily grew on independence and doing things for myself. Because the fact no one's barely there to do things for me was ingrained early in my childhood. - come on - I've been walking home from school on my own since I was five. Besides my sister - I rarely remember anyone by my side.

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