Thursday, July 28, 2011

It Reminded Me

As I walked towards the house - I felt so ... nervous - at first out of place, wondering if I should be even putting myself in the place of visiting but I had to. I missed the babies all so much.
The Howards

Here is how I usually am. I am usually emotional before the act of something or after. Never so much during. I focus a lot of energy on being present in the moment to enjoy it. It was around 11 as I walked up and pushed the door bell button I have to relinquish any fears or doubts cause I am already in the moment. Steph comes to the door holding Flint who's a little too cute for words. I say hello to him and he gives me a little smile. As we make our way to the living room I ask if the boys were up. She said yes, they were already playing video games. As I walked in I see Lakin and Gage already standing, dropping their controllers, hesitant as they said hi to me.
Lakin approaches first as I ask they remember me. Gage says yes and gives me a hug. It was not long after as they start to play their video game and they stop soon after to ask me if I wanted to see their room. Mom quickly says she doesn't think that's a great idea since their bedroom was such a disaster. Gage quickly says that it's no problem and to give him 5 minutes to make it presentable. Him and his brother soon runs out of sight to clean their room as fast as possible. I then have time to talk to Steph a bit and give her a the gift cards I got the babies. It was soon after the boys returned to convince me to go up and see their room. I follow and notice the mini house made of boxes that was being built in the middle of their sitting room. LOL - I really thought they were moving or something. I head up the stairs and Steph warns me that there are a lot of stuff everywhere since there were renovations happening in their room as well. I walk into their room to discover toys everywhere and that the boys now share a room together. Gage then insists on fixing up his fort to show me.
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It wasn't soon after till Steph was convincing Lakin to take me downstairs to draw in the cardboard box house. He took me by the hand and brought me downstairs to see the house made of boxes that sat in the sitting room downstairs in front of the fireplace. It wasn't soon after I was exploring the little paper house as he invited me to enter assuring me I would fit. I hesitated as I I'm pretty sure big people really can't fit but I smiled and said, "You're lucky I'm half the size of an average adult." :) I really don't know why I make such comments. But that's just me I guess. The cardboard house was decorated with drawings and had door cut outs and zap tie looking attachments used to make hinges. The boxes from the outside look like boxes next to each other, Some stacked on top but when you peak in they attach to one another like an underground tunnel. There was a wicked drawn portrait on one of the walls of the house.
The Howards

It was very cute and represented everyone very well, and then I noticed the other drawn marks everywhere making it look like a murder scene - re-drawn out by markers. I watched as Lakin played around so well and I smiled as he approached me to help him open a pack of sweet tart candies. He was so polite and even asked how many he could have out of the pack. Gage puts on a little play for me, but he did it so fast he put on another one for me with different characters and I got to get that one on film. They, sang and acted out to Bruno Mars, lazy song. I was very impressed they knew all the words.
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Baby Flint was very active wanting to crawl then there will be the part where he will just try to reach.

Gage then showed me this game he calls Dust- apparently it's a physics and chemistry simulation program / online game. You basically add elements to this drawing art board - let's say you added nitrogen, oil, and water. Gravity will bring the particles down into layers on the art board but if you add fire to the layer it will simulate water evaporating and the flammable layers of liquid / gas going up in flames burning and bringing little particles up in the air and so on. He showed me all these things and made me think he's still super smart for someone his age. Wiser then I may ever know :). There was a moment when we were playing with the box house where Gage said to mom: "mom, just trust me this once..." I smiled and laughed a little out loud when I said to Gage, "You shouldn't say that Gage, you're still very young and may use that line many times ad you grow older." - going back to Dust - he played this a little until lunch was ready. There was one point where I tried to convince the babies to go help mom with lunch. It was a bit of a battle that I lost because they ran off to check if it was one of their chores and said to me they didn't have oleo cause it wasn't a chore. I replied, "just cause it's not a chore, doesn't mean you can't help mommy make lunch." I let go of the lost battle since they were very much into this computer game. I went to go sit down at a dining table that made me feel like it wasn't so long ago I was there. But feeling and reality are two different things. I look around me and something familiar happens as I was going to go sit down at a certain spot one of the babies whine about where to be seated. Gage wanted to sit by me, then Lakin wanted to as well. We had dumplings and blue berries and carrot cake for lunch. The baby seemed to love to eat. Gage is now the fast eater when he used to be the last and Lakin is now the slower eater of them when he used to be the slower one. The boys were chatter with the baby trying to join in at times. I thought to myself that Steph really has her hands full. Especially when the baby starts talking as well. It was soon after finishing that I believe I joined Gage again in front of the computer when Steph said I would leave if that was all he was going to. We soon went upstairs after and she went to put the baby down as I continued to watch the boys. Gage perfecting his fort and constantly asking me to go into it with them. Sharing a piece of their little world.
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Steph soon returns to tell me she was going to go take off and said I was welcome to stay for a bit longer. Offered the boys a deal if they wanted to go with her or stay home as she went to go run errands. Oh don't worry if your reading this and thinking Steph was just leaving the boys alone, Aunty Mary was still home afterall. The boys opted to stay, Gage also asked me to stay and play a little longer. We played for a bit longer in the boys room after she left and after a bit we headed downstairs to play some video games. The boys were playing a game called castle crashers. I however found I was really bad at the game. They were building their characters and unlocking more of the game when they gave me the "in development" player. You know those players. Still a beginner and you have to play the game to gain points in order to level him up. Yeah one of those guys. I kept dying. And the cute thing about this game was that to revive the other player that just died, another player has to go up and what seems like resuscitate the other player doing chest compressions. The boys were my teammates but they were way better than me at this game. Having to save me so much. It wasn't soon after when we were playing when the baby woke up and was already up. Aunty Mary ended up plopping him down between the boys as she continued to bake. I kept trying to make baby Flint smile at the camera, I got one or two good shots.
The Howards
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A little while after we ended up going back up stairs me taking baby Flint a long and as the boys played around and showed me stuff... Like Lakin showing me his fallen out tooth in a tooth keep sake. It didn't seem like long after when Steph returned with items in hand. Gage and Lakin had made glass starfishes when visiting the island. Lakin had made was more see through and Gage had more dark colors on the top side and more red. A little slip up and Flint almost poked his eye when he tried to crawl to mom and slipped. Steph picked him up right away and comforted him as he got another mark on his super cute face :( . We headed downstairs again soon after so the boys could show grandma the starfishes. It didn't take long till Steph suggested to go to Toys R Us so the kids could spend their present money. Then right away Gage asks if I would go with them... soon later Lakin did as well. I said yes of course. Then Aunty Mary also invited me to also stay for dinner... I did admit that I had missed her cooking over the years. I went with them to toys r us , helping out loading and unloading the boys in and out of the car... At the store the boys were a little indecisive about what they wanted to get.
The Howards

Transformers? Lego? Yugi Oh? The different choices, but they a little while later decided on Halo Lego. For baby Flint, Steph would just pick random baby toys and place infront of flint to see his reaction and what he would do. If he liked it - she would consider getting it or not. He ended up getting a picnic basket and some toy fruits and veggies and what not. The boys got to get their Lego with mom covering the tax and baby got his presents too. It was soon after we went over to baby's world where Steph had to pick up a few things. The boys ran around being boys and baby Flint was getting hellos from the workers. On the way home Flint started to cry. Apparently Steph says that he hates car rides and their most recent trip to Whistler he cried the whole way home. I don't even know how she's going to do with the babies on the Plane. We got home and as we did there were a group of kids waiting to play video games in the living room. They ended up playing a game called 'The fat princess' and as they started to kill the characters Gage noticed the violence setting wants changed to show no blood. He quickly called out for someone to pass him a controller and he turned the violence setting down and soon passed back the controller and continued on with his Lego. I never asked if he did that because he didn't like the blood setting or he did it more for everyone else, - his baby brothers. It was quiet remarkable to witness the concern in his voice about the situation. He took the initiative and responsibility really well. Dinner was soon served and I was keeping a watchful eye on the time. If I didn't leave at the right time then I would get home in the dark. Dinner was delicious with veggies, rice and shake and bake chicken. The family and students all sat on the large dining table on the patio. Baby Flint made a mess but he ate a lot.
The Howards

Gage ate faster than Lakin now. Lakin slowing at his portions. He was so adorable earlier in the day to have told me that he had lost weight during this summer. The patio hasn't changed and a part of me reminisced about the other meals shared there. The bees still buzzed about and of course they liked to stay about me. I think Steph had encouraged them to eat faster in order to play with me some more. Gage then asked when I was to leave - I said half an hour to an hour and he looks at me with those eyes and asked to make it in an hour. I agreed - never really can say no to those eyes. It was after I joined Gage after he finished eating and I had as well in continuing to build his Lego, Lakin joining in after. Even when he didn't finish but he slowly did as he was made to finish his veggies. Sometime during my Lego building Flint had to be put to bed. It seems he only reacted with a smile when I kissed his cheeks - or total flirt wave at him- he would give me a cheeky look. But i said good night and good bye to him. I helped the boys build up to a point when a piece was missing. While building I joked around to Steph asking what was the opposite of child labour. I foolishly grabbed handfuls of Lego and droping them from my hands crying "I wanna go home... I can't find the last piece :( " - lol I was just playing of course. It wasn't soon after I really had to go. The boys walked me to the front door... As I walked towards the front door through the kitchen I lifted one arm and looked back at Gage who would soon wrap his arms around me to ask when I'd be coming back for a visit. Even the front door they gave me a hug and then Steph soon suggested I exit from the back, it was far quicker. The boys soon then walked toward the back of the house going to grab the closest available shoes - which turned out to be boots. Lakin had Paul frank ones which red trim matched his red t-shirt. Lakin walked ahead of me down the steps of the back porch and at the gate he gave a hug with a tight little squeeze. It made me remember the last timed I hugged him two years ago - I had said I squeezed him with my hugs because that's how much I loved him. Pulling at my heart strings. I was about to leave before Gage shouted Wait! Wait! Giving me another hug. Waved good bye to Steph and walked down the ally to the bus stop.

As I stood there I remembered when I used to visit them except with him. He was the only thing missing but what made me all teary eyed was the thought that thought I'm alone - I am still so loved. I'm so thankful to have visited. It filled my heart up - when it was feeling drained of it.

Even though I didn't tell them. They probably knew when I hugged them. That I love them- the babies, and Steph, Aunty Mary and uncle Collin too ... Oh and wade lol even though I didn't get to see him. :)

Chance in the hands of God

Chance, fate, coincidences, whatever we have come to know it as. I am starting to feel as though we are seeking to find a possibility of familiarity to make us comfortable in unfamiliar and uncomfortable circumstances. We do not like to be uncomfortable - we naturally seek a beneficial outcome of our situations. We will seek commonality.

I now wonder how difficult it is to seek someone of great compatibility with out the assistance of something. In the movies and olden days people seemed to genuinely fell in love and it seems as though they made the effort to stay in it. To keep the love between two couples. Is it so much easier for us to be selfish these days. So blinded by the other efforts? That trying doesn't seem like it's worth trying for anymore? When did we become so lazy?

Here is my contemplation on finding things worth wild. One thing to keep in mind is that you're worth it. Trying for. If you want to lose weight and find that - what is it all for. You shouldn't be so blind- you should lose weight for you. Be fit and healthy for yourself, your loved ones, your future kids, and future significant other. Without you - you'll miss out on so much. Now I don't want to say that you're better than anyone else - that you deserve more than anyone else - no. If you have a king complex - I'm not trying to feed that ego. I'm saying - prove your worth - that you deserve it. If you don't define yourself - how can you expect anyone else to see what you're made of? If you project yourself as a mess. Others will see it as so.

Loving someone requires you to be selfless. To love enough to let go, Love enough to try, love enough to be kind even when you may be standing in a pile of shit. We never intend or know how life is going to unfold for us - but for the foremost we make the best of it. Learning to be a loving person is difficult - you can try your best to be loving but sometimes it just doesn't get interpreted the right way. Even though sometimes loving yourself at some point is protecting yourself - it maybe rubbed off as selfishness. Don't ever blame others from running away from your problems. They are your own faults for you to solve. Sometimes people love themselves enough that there is no more love there to give.

I'm sitting here at the bus stop - on a day off - my bus is only 17 mins away but I know by the time I finish this that the bus would have arrived. I can call for a ride but I rarely enjoy such mornings. Walking around doing errands. Yet be timely enough to know when I need to be where without missing the bus. Enjoying the sun :) and actually seeing it. Being stuck in an office. I kind of feel this yellow bench is short to sit on- but then again I'm slouching down lounging :) I can't help it. I just dropped 300$ on present money for some babies... Before that I hit up staples and got some coin wraps and donated 10$ for some supplies for kids when they go back to school. My purchase in total was like 16$ with the donation. :/ do you think it will make a difference. I would like to think every little piece helps. The help at staples was wonderful. The girl behind the counter even complemented me on my necklace and bracelets :) I like to think I have some kind of fashion sense but I'm really one of those asian girls that rather define a style than follow one. I woke up this morning with a smile and I wonder if it will end just as good as it started. A piece of my heart is excited for that next month has to bring since the beginning of this July was tough to bare. I know it will start off with a wonderful surprise. A lot of people did say 2011 was going to be a good year :) but nothing is good and awesome unless you give the effort to make it so.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Goodbye - Hello - Life

I had an adventurous day as well. In the morning I woke up and texted my friend Ben who I haven't seen in months. We were supposed to do breakfast but ended up doing lunch cause we're so lazy to wake up early. Well I am for the time being cause - hey I'm on vacay time. Ben teases me about being single and I tease him about him and his girlfriend. We end up having lunch at Cattle Cafe in Burnaby.

There was a baby that sat next to us that was 2 and as he left I said goodbye and shyly he waved goodbye to me but snubbed Ben... Lol. Ben then after helped me swing by Ry's to pick up the remainder of any items left over and dropped off the remainder of his that I had. We didn't even say hi or bye as we did our exchange - he was on the phone so we just waved and I simply just left. By the time I was back in the car I realized my shoes were not in the bag. I didn't care - I can buy new pair of white heels. Those were scuffed and scratched to heck. Soon after Ben drops me off at Nanaimo skytrain station and head downtown to pick up my final package from work that arrived allows me to finish up my ring light build. After I got that - I booked it back home to quickly change and head back out to meet up with Chris who picked me up at Joyce station. We head back to his place as he changed and got ready for for our run and soon after James joined us and we headed over to the track. I do a walk and jog around the track a couple times non-stop as the guys did their own run and walk around the track.

After our run we head back to Chris' to check out where we would go out for dinner. We end up going to Romer's. A burger place that just opened up not too long ago. The food was delish and after that Chris and James dropped me off at home. :)

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Sunday, July 17, 2011

First Playoff Game

I'm writing about this day after the fact that it's passed. I can't really call what happened this day, but I know the weather wasn't nice for most of the morning. I think - if the rest of the weather is going to be like this for the rest of my vacation days, I'm going to be a bit depressed.

Sometimes they say the road to recovery is to keep occupied. They are either right or just avoiding the facts of what happened because they don't want to face the situation. No - I've said my peace, dealt with what I had to this week and simply letting it all go. My friends, new and old somehow all of a sudden seem to now return to fill the void. I feel now like I'm no longer turning down my friends as I did slowly this past year. I need to find the perfect balance of keeping a relationship that doesn't cut into my creative productive times. I should not be directing my love for one thing towards the wrong things. Loving wholly and all the time can drain you, especially if the two things are so different. Perhaps I am in need of searching for someone that can be one and the same. Perhaps I should start to abandon the thoughts of that "someone" because maybe, just maybe they don't exist. Yeah, I really don't want to believe that.

I don't think I can recall someone who claimed they liked me and really worked hard at winning my heart. You can be someone that is very likable- but are you so worthy of being won over? Is there someone that loves you so much that will jump through hoops to prove their love to you? Or has it all come down to the point of them telling you and just expect you to choose? No proof - no more words than a few lines, are simple little words like "I love you" supposed to just be enough? Then there are those that say "I shouldn't have to try." Perhaps the worst set of little words you can hear. If it's love - people should try, if they really love someone, trying is all they got left when there is nothing else to lose. Trying is the only stand point you can create and it is then effort represents more than just heart, but courage and faith.

Words - can be written and be easily misunderstood. There is no author to read you specifically how the phrases are emphasized, spoken with emotion / no emotion. In the end words are all we have in a ways of communcation because actions now-a-days are so easily misinterpertations of what we are truly what we want to say. Have we all become so easily influenced by our surroundings that we will conform to what is expected of us? Why must it be so difficult to just be ourselves? We are living in a generation of open expression, yet we still are so mindful of what others think of us. I'm not saying we shouldn't be mindful / considerate of others. I'm saying - be aware of what it is you truly want, be thoughtful in your words, but express enough of yourself the rightous way where you will regret nothing in the end because you will always be who you are.

As I left for the game that day to head down to the King Edward Station. My walk to the bus stop was rainless - It is in these moments I feel as though God watches over me like a wonderful parent. Why do I say this? Well I'm carrying so much stuff that I have no free hands or space for an umbrella, and I wasn't wearing a waterproof jacket. In the few moments of me having to make it to the bus stop to catch my bus - it stops raining. On my way there as I sit on the train to make my way down to my destination the rain continues on. I have to be thankful for the little things that make me feel so loved. Chris my godbro and his friend comes to pick me up at the station :) - Chris did a little trick on me pretending to be James - texting me saying that he couldn't make it.
I text Chris to say that James isn't coming and what not, but he told me to stay put. James then texts me to tell me he's 5 mins away then he drives up with Chris in the passenger seat. Apparently it's been Chris the whole time. James then tells me that he wouldn't do that and just abandon me. I show up at the game and we lose in over time. The sadness of losing doesn't really hit me until we were at the Japanese restaurant in Richmond called Ajitaro, apparently you can't leave left overs or they charge you. I guess it just comes with the territory of an all you can eat place. I picked up the bill for the guys as they took the time to chauffeur me. I don't get home till really late and just went to bed soon after.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Friday, July 15, 2011

Recalling Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

The morning passes just like any other work filled. No distractions this time. Esjay calls me out latter that day to deal with some work issues we're having re-working the site. Something not even I can figure out is wrong. We did however write out a skit that's been in my head for a while. Maybe well flush it out this August. We brainstorm and even start to talk about other skits. But the night ends and Esjay drops me off later than evening.

THURSDAY: work - same - lame. No - I'm just kidding. I like my job. I just don't like dealing with people that don't let me leave when there is a last minute request.

Today was a nice day - I had such a people filled week that it was my time! And I loved it - after work I went shopping since I had missed the bus home. I went to go buy credits for my ps3 and then came across a sale I could not pass up. I got new blazer spring- summer tops, some tank tops, dresses, some long sleeves for colder days. Little did I know that this day would also become EPIC.

As I walked off to the bus stop to catch my bus home- I waited. A black man perhaps in his mid to late 30's approaches me. He taps me on the shoulder and asks me what I am listening to. ( I am a particularly shy person who's trying to be more sociable so I go with it) He gently takes the bud from my right ear and places it in his. ( Yes! This has never happened before but I'll play nice for now) Some music starts to play and great it's one of Justin Timberlakes remixes. Which kind of has an African beat. The guy then starts to say to me a series of unbelievable pick up lines. So unbelievable that I could not at all believe what was really happening. My responses were just coming out of my mouth. It was awkward. Here are just a few lines from this epic meeting of a stranger.

GUY: "This is some nice music, what is your name?"
ME: "Sze"
GUY: he repeats my name and tells me his name. "Acole"
He then proceeds to ask my age and I hesitate in telling him ( like all women) I tell him, what is it going to hurt.
He then says I'm too old jokingly saying he's looking for a 21 year old.
GUY: "what's your name?"
ME: "I already told you my name, if you're not going to remember what's the point of me telling you?"
GUY:"you a clean woman, your lips, your teeth... My place is not clean, I cannot bring a clean woman like you home."
ME: "Well I guess you should go home and clean your house so you can bring home a clean woman."
GUY: *laughs* "you're so smart, why are you so smart? - are you married? have a boyfriend?"
ME: "I am not married and do not have a boyfriend."
GUY: "why? - Are you a good woman?"
ME: "Depending on the man."
After a while of small chit chat and me trying to be nice, the guy's friend comes and tries to retrieve him. Acole tries to convince me to walk him home but I'm smart enough to refuse the offer saying I had to wait to catch the bus. Soon after the whole incident makes me feel awkward as he brushes the hair away from my face and then tried to brush hair away from my necklace.. I smack away his hands that tried to go any lower adding that was it was rude to do. He persists to ask me for my phone number and my reply was that I don't give out my personal information that way with my apologies. Soon I check my phone to notice that the next bus time I was looking at was the wrong bus number and I quickly added that I thought it was time for me to go. I say goodbye and make my way down to the next bus stop. I turn back half way on my walk to the next stop to make sure I wasn't being followed.

At this point I don't know if it was safer for me to be single - or not.
There is a reason I'm shy and guarded and perhaps this incident with this random strangers shows that I'm a bit too nice at times. I go to visit my sister the next day. I tell her what happened and she thinks and knows I'm too nice and she thinks I should have just been rude to the guy from the start. The fact is that I'm just not that kind of person. I'm nice because I am, I shouldn't feel violated trying to be open to strangers. I'm not dumb enough to let people take advantage of me to the point of emotion scaring.

As I left this friday from my sisters house my nephew hugs me hard for the first time and says goodbye. Sometimes it feels like he's the only one that makes me feel like I still have a heart, that I've got some kind of soul that aches for so much more in life.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Recalling Tuesday

It's been a busy week! I'll be honest I don't know if I'd want to recall Tuesday - at all. Early afternoon that is. It was busy at work, but not only that - I had to deal with some personal interruptions. It ate up my lunch hour and partly into work. It was then I had to call for assistance on a friend to help me out. Working hard and with emotional disruptions is inappropriate. Brink of tears nearly. July has perhaps made me cry the most this month. I said the other week to a friend - "Stupid July, keeps making me cry." Too many emotions stirring. Too many personalities to deal with. I had to get my mind off of it. Shalini messages me to let me know she was going to hit up Can Am Importique. If you're a Vancouverite and haven't visited this place, you should! Epic Awesomeness! Well the last time I was there was 3-4 years go, my brother threw a halloween party at the location. This time I was able to encourage my friends to hit it up for some props or ideas or even a location to shoot. Shalini & Vik and a new friend was waiting as I arrived. Raymond - a Vancouver events photographer. It's always nice to meet someone new, especially when I'm trying my best to be open and outgoing. We meet the one of the guys that run place and he walks everyone into the showroom. Shalini as I predicted was pointing at everything :) and loving all the sites.

There are more pics but I'll add them on a little later on. Pics that were taken by Raymond. A little bit of walking around and it was until were on the last part of the place which was the outside Brian came and joined us. After a little bit of walking around and goofing off - I realize I should have done a mini video in there - but I was too tired. Being there with friends however did really help me to take my mind off of the events that had unraveled earlier that day. Actually I would say that it took almost all of the bad residual emotions away - which is always a good thing. While we were there, I thought up of some skits which I hope will get to be brought from idea to life! I hope being there did help Shalini in moving forward with her dreams. Singularly I feel we are powerful - collectively, indestructible. As we come together to help lift one another a little closer to something more than just success / fame - perhaps it's helping one another reach our own definition of true happiness in life.

I think of something Ry wrote to me earlier that day - he said I seem to throw love all over the place. I'm not going to lie, it's true - it's not something I particularly feel is a bad thing at all. Someone also once told me that it seems like I wear my heart on my sleeve. I maybe small but I have a lot of love to give. The world needs more of it. It's not difficult to tell when I'm sad / upset .. my emotions are clearly written here. I am naturally a very loving person. If others get the wrong impression of me then they clearly haven't taken the time to really know who I am. If I love someone all the wrong ways then clearly I've failed in loving them. However we must know what makes us ourselves feel loved and communicate it well to get what we are seeking. Sometimes we don't know what we truly seeking until we begin to lack it.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Monday, July 11, 2011

Recalling Monday

This has been one busy week! Monday started off with me bringing my hockey gear to work. I had made dinner plans with a friend but he had forgotten to get back to me about it and ended up canceling on me later in the morning. Emergency changes. I hate how something that was planned just changes your whole day. You don't plan out days with a plan B do you? Well I ended up calling out my friend to help me out. Monday's is usually when a group of my God brother and his friends get together and do stuff together. Now they've added exercise into that routine. James - an acquaintance that I know through my God bro for some time now picked me up just outside of Oakridge station. Driven back to my God Brothers place as we waited for him to return from home, and soon his friends started to show up and got ready for their run around the track. That's just a walks away from his place. After a few laps for me around the track walking. The boys running of course. I walked considering that I didn't have running shoes. They did some other drills too but I didn't join in for that fitness fun. Soon after we went back to Chris' place and got our stuff and headed over to his friend Vince's place. Vince's family dog is absolutely adorable - when I first heard him bark I thought it was a person barking - imitating a dog barking. But he's this little adorable Shih tzu dog. Always hyper seeing people and at one point he was licking my face.

There was Chinese food for dinner and soon after the boys whipped out the PS3 and started to play NHL hockey. As I got ready to leave and go play roller hockey. Chris accompanied me to roller hockey. He actually knows and went to high school with the guy that plays goalie for my roller hockey game. The night ended with humbling conversation that made me realize that I'm truly grateful for having awesome friends.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Creative weekend

It's been a busy weekend - Saturday with spending time with Chris and John. God bro and one two awesome friends. We went to the sandwich shop, La Charcuterie Salam the shop owner had just gotten into a car accident the past week and I couldn't even believe that he was at work. His car got hit by a semi from behind as he was on the freeway. It's amazing he wasn't in more seriously injured - like dead or totally bed ridden with broken bones. The amazements of car safety. Well the three of us got there - there was one man and one came in as our order was being made. In total the three of us ordered 2 sandwiches each. It's funny that I say "sandwich" to describe this beast of a sub sandwich because I feel it's in a league of it's own.
By the time we left the shop was filled with 8-9 people that had come in all the while our sandwiches were being made to the time we left.

Wait - I didn't tell you what happened earlier that day. Not to me but to Chris! - on Thursday he had planned to go to the sandwich shop with John and he invited me along with him. Well that Saturday morning - Chris's car unfortunately gets hit in a hit and run. Don't worry - he wasn't in the car. He had been getting ready to leave when his landlord knocked on his door to tell him the bad news. So he spent most of that morning - dealing with car crashing bastards, the police, and neighbors. But there is one thing he learned - how awesome his neighbors are. Sometimes in life we have to see the good out of the situation. Although something may have been lost, there is always something to gain. After the sandwiches I was dropped back home. I re-arranged the downstairs so it was more tidy and logical. My dad comes with concerns and asks of my brother knows. He's in Australia and has been for a year+ it doesn't really matter if I move stuff. Stuff could be moved back.

Sunday was a long yet creative day. I was picked up in the morning by Vik, where we soon went to go pick up Brian. We headed to pick up Shalini at her house, it was soon that we headed over to the studio of Winston Hauschild. We spent the rest of the afternoon listening to the final edits to Shalini's album that's to drop sometime this fall. We left around noon and soon headed off to Red Robins to get some lunch. We soon started to discuss the cd packaging and what could be a part of this debut package to promote. After lunch we headed over to Oscars book store on Boundry. We were in there for a bit before returning to Shalini's house to brainstorm some more. I goofed off on the piano. We then brainstormed some more and mocked up some design ideas. We didn't get home until 11pm or so. It was a refreshing day or creative productiveness. Nothing ever seems long in good company.
On the drive home I witnessed my first ever shooting star. Vik saw it too, too bad Brian didn't.

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . SYL

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Loving Gestures

There are something's that when in a relationship people don't realize they do / don't do that rub the other person in the relationship the wrong way. When one asks the other to accompany them somewhere, whether it is to an event, a dinner, a store, a place... There are those of us that out of a loving composure - do not refuse / complain we will just do it. I am one of these people. Why? It's not because I'm a pushover, not because I'm super easygoing. It is purely out of love. I will accompany you and not refuse because where or what it is - it matters to someone I love. That is all the reason I need not to question / complain. If someone complains in my presence of following through with something - it is an unloving gesture- but if they end up following through after showing a bit of discontent - then the gesture though with the intention of love will be shrouded with the emotion of guilt. Loving someone should not be so difficult - it simply is the sacrifice of time and personal discomfort. But if so many things bother you in the doing those loving gestures to the person you're in the relationship then surely you should re-evaluate just what that person means to you and how much you really love them or want to love them. How content / ready are you to even be in a relationship to give yourself to them - time, love, effort?

When going into a relationship - I have realized that one should never detour from top 10 qualities they are seeking. Everyone has this list - they might not realize / admit it - but what do you think makes you decide that that person is one who's worthy of being your husband / wife, your girlfriend / boyfriend? And if you don't know what it is you seek in a relationship then you should think about what you want in one and stop looking for and spending time with the wrong one.

I have learned that I should go with gut. Especially if it scares me. It is not the fear of it failing - never be afraid of failing. There is no such thing. Every failure is a lesson. You face it as such. If it makes you retreat then do so. Do not be ashamed or afraid of going back to where you once were to get to where you really want to go. It's like giving up something you really like for something you really need. Although you love what it is you have now, the success of obtaining what you truly want above all else will be well worth the sacrifice.

There was an event last week that made me feel very disgusted with myself. My self worth went to an all time low. I had to do a drastic change and I did. If you don't cherish or realize your self worth or do not make steps to do so, why should anyone else invest in you?

My friend said to me today that he felt as if the world is out to get him. No, I wanted to say. I see it very differently the world is out to give me. Give me what is what we're really here to find out.

We part ways after our meeting and as I get to Granville station a small florist shop is closing up. I see a bouquet of peonies and so it reminded me of my art teacher. She loved them. I decide to get them. I asked as they were closing up if I was able to purchase something. Her reply, "of course". I said I would like to get the bouquet of peonies. She asks if it was a gift. At first my tongue slips and I want to say no- and I told her it was more like a gift to myself. I hadn't gotten flowers personally since - Valentines? and I didn't even get them on Valentines... *sigh*

Last night I was chatting with a friend. He tells me that him and a few others miss me. <3 Sometimes we never really know how much love you have for someone till the absence of them is felt.

My friend Esjay just put out a new beat today - called The Butterfly Effect and I loved the beat- I walked into a store as I was talking to him and spot a shirt that had a butterfly and I inquired as I looked at the shirt and had him on the phone if the beat had any lyrics. He said no and that I was free to do what I felt. I guess some lyrical writing is to be done tonight :)

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . Where ever you are - SYL

Monday, July 04, 2011

There Are No Winners

There Are No Winners
In a break up. Both sides will always lose a person that will never mean the same to one another. The moments they had will become beautiful stories that will only be recited years down the road or never again. About a love that once blossomed- somehow. There are often times as we sit in the midst of the break up and recovery there is the angry faze. Some of us may get over with one thought, others will resurface all the resentment they've ever felt each moment during their relationship. One may name all they've done out of love. One will never do that because they don't believe that's a loving thing to do.
In the break up aftermath - I guess we must watch our words. On both sides. Regardless of the emotions. I failed to do so with so many other inter-activities and persons around me.
The heart is heavy. And broken due to a long conversation with one I once cared for. Is there ever going back? Can words really be taken back - when they have already done their damage?
We must let go to move on.
I had a strange dream about going on a trip. I walked into a large elevator that took me to a level that was it's own city. Chinatown of some city I don't really remember.
Over slept this morning. Thought I would be a little late but then I come to discover the universe works in mysterious ways and there was an incident with the train so regardless I would have been late this morning. But on my way I saw a rainbow and peonies :)