Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Loving Gestures

There are something's that when in a relationship people don't realize they do / don't do that rub the other person in the relationship the wrong way. When one asks the other to accompany them somewhere, whether it is to an event, a dinner, a store, a place... There are those of us that out of a loving composure - do not refuse / complain we will just do it. I am one of these people. Why? It's not because I'm a pushover, not because I'm super easygoing. It is purely out of love. I will accompany you and not refuse because where or what it is - it matters to someone I love. That is all the reason I need not to question / complain. If someone complains in my presence of following through with something - it is an unloving gesture- but if they end up following through after showing a bit of discontent - then the gesture though with the intention of love will be shrouded with the emotion of guilt. Loving someone should not be so difficult - it simply is the sacrifice of time and personal discomfort. But if so many things bother you in the doing those loving gestures to the person you're in the relationship then surely you should re-evaluate just what that person means to you and how much you really love them or want to love them. How content / ready are you to even be in a relationship to give yourself to them - time, love, effort?

When going into a relationship - I have realized that one should never detour from top 10 qualities they are seeking. Everyone has this list - they might not realize / admit it - but what do you think makes you decide that that person is one who's worthy of being your husband / wife, your girlfriend / boyfriend? And if you don't know what it is you seek in a relationship then you should think about what you want in one and stop looking for and spending time with the wrong one.

I have learned that I should go with gut. Especially if it scares me. It is not the fear of it failing - never be afraid of failing. There is no such thing. Every failure is a lesson. You face it as such. If it makes you retreat then do so. Do not be ashamed or afraid of going back to where you once were to get to where you really want to go. It's like giving up something you really like for something you really need. Although you love what it is you have now, the success of obtaining what you truly want above all else will be well worth the sacrifice.

There was an event last week that made me feel very disgusted with myself. My self worth went to an all time low. I had to do a drastic change and I did. If you don't cherish or realize your self worth or do not make steps to do so, why should anyone else invest in you?

My friend said to me today that he felt as if the world is out to get him. No, I wanted to say. I see it very differently the world is out to give me. Give me what is what we're really here to find out.

We part ways after our meeting and as I get to Granville station a small florist shop is closing up. I see a bouquet of peonies and so it reminded me of my art teacher. She loved them. I decide to get them. I asked as they were closing up if I was able to purchase something. Her reply, "of course". I said I would like to get the bouquet of peonies. She asks if it was a gift. At first my tongue slips and I want to say no- and I told her it was more like a gift to myself. I hadn't gotten flowers personally since - Valentines? and I didn't even get them on Valentines... *sigh*

Last night I was chatting with a friend. He tells me that him and a few others miss me. <3 Sometimes we never really know how much love you have for someone till the absence of them is felt.

My friend Esjay just put out a new beat today - called The Butterfly Effect and I loved the beat- I walked into a store as I was talking to him and spot a shirt that had a butterfly and I inquired as I looked at the shirt and had him on the phone if the beat had any lyrics. He said no and that I was free to do what I felt. I guess some lyrical writing is to be done tonight :)

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Night . Where ever you are - SYL
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