Behind SyloArts

I am creating -  art. It's called My life. On Saturday me and Ry went to go see the fireworks. I have only seen the fireworks a few times in the last ten years. Most years I missed it because I hate the massive crowds. Two - I believe the money that goes into funding this even can largely go to help a lot of people off the streets. Then I came to realize, those are two things I can't really control. A lot of it is really no reason to get mad at, so I decided to agree to go see the fireworks. Ry agreed to let me drive into China Town. Downtown Vancouver - China Town driving makes me nervous, there are so many things to be aware of. The druggies that just cross the street last minute scare me, cyclists scare me. Last minute lane changes and turns scare me. But it's just something to get used to. Ry and I headed into Chinatown to Kent's Kitchen to pick up some Chinese food to eat at the fireworks. Wow it's hard to parallel park when everyone else can't park in the...

I remember why I don't go bathing suit shopping cause I'm totally clueless. It's like me looking at a make up wall. I might as well be a deer caught in headlights on a dark dark road. I felt so lost when trying these on in the store. I said out loud "I'M SO LOST!" in the changing room... I wonder what the changing room lady thought when I said that. o_O . I fail at girlie girlie things like make up shopping and bathing suit shopping. Really.. I do! My tom-boyish me comes out and I'm just... LOST. Seriously - I came out with three. There's major sales going on I probably spent no more than 60$ on three bathing suits all together. *NO LIE* I'm gonna be wearing these out and now I take another look at them... the white one just looks like I'm wearing a white sports bra and panties. The black one... OMG my stomach is SO WHITE. Last but not least this fun little piece... I'm wondering... am I wearing it right? SERIOUSLY! ewwww. I hope I ...

I've had this theory for a while. Wondering what life's all about. I generally believe that we are all good people. ( Yes I have a lot of hope in humanity ) . This is my angel theory, I think I blogged about this before but I'm not too sure. This is just what I think. We were once all angels. Angels are ultimate beings, we have to be wise and understand everything that happens in the universe. When you know everything in the universe you tend to forget and lack other things - for example, emotions. If you know and understand everything, you fear less in the world. Your compassion may even lack because you have the ability to see all choices and view points of every situation. Sometimes when you know too much, you forget the little things that do matter. As a great being you could have looked upon the world and saw a young couple in love. You turned to God in your ultimate form and asked ... "God, they look so much in love, I am happy for them, yet it's been so long...

There are a lot of things that happen when you get out of a relationship. You think about a lot of stuff. Everyone tends to have one thing and that is that they hold on when they in reality should be letting go. I guess I had my cancer scare, paralleled with my break up which came at the right time to uncover that blindfold of perfection that we tend to put on sometimes when viewing our past significant other whom we may have loved for years and years. We want to hang on to something we loved so much because ... well because the truth is - it's easier. When you know a part of your heart says they weren't the one for you, that there were moments where they just broke your heart or disappointed you and you thought 'oh well everyone makes mistakes', but they just kept happening. Really? should someone that really really loves you with the kind of love you deserve ever do what they've done to you? to disappoint you not only once but multiple times. So many times you...

I finally went to go see a doctor today after 9 days after my injury. I haven't been on here forever because well nothing really to blog. Oh maybe some. I will use a photo from which I took when I was with Ry at his photo shoot for his car. This alley is in Vancouver behind the Scientology building on Hastings. Ry's photo shoot is for a magazine that it's going to be featured in. Awesome? no? It was really cool cause I our first location was in Richmond and I got to get shots of these guys who were doing tricks on their bikes. With the sun going down in the background. Anyways... yup photography kinda felt good to take come great photos! but today I finally went to the doctors this morning to go get checked. Why did I choose today. Well I didn't wake up feeling so uncomfortable breathing than this morning. I kept feeling a bit uncomfortable most of the day. It started to make me upset a but to be honest that I felt a little uncomfortable pain when I try to open the d...

There are a lot of bad things that I've chosen not to do through out the years. I've never been drunk and never done drugs. I truly had the train of thought that my body is a temple. Some people don't get this line when I tell them this - it's how I treat my body - to be honest I don't think I ever was in the right mind of state to even explain what it means. It has to do a lot with my thoughts of God. For all those that don't know me, well a lot of people don't know me - but that's not the case - I'm not any religion. I was born to a Christian mother and Buddhist father in a Muslim Country and when I grew up in Vancouver I attended a Catholic school. I'm neither God-less nor faith-less - just religion-less. I do however believe in certain things. I believe in angels. I consider these spiritual beings my sisters and brothers. I can be found praying to them once and a while or caught talking to them, seeking guidance. A part of me strongly believe...

Even though in the last year or so I saw ( dating ) some people. That realm and the realm of actually being in a relationship with some is totally different. You don't really have any REAL obligations to the person you're seeing when everything is casual. I guess that's what makes me not a big fan of dating. The other person is not obligated to share with you anything about them or what it is they are really doing, anyone can walk away as they so please if they feel the other is just not the one or if someone is just not ready. When I'm openly dating I feel like I'm chancing a lot. I put a lot of peoples emotions on the line and I have the possibilities of hurting people I don't particularly want to hurt at the same time. You find that someone and you and that someone becomes happy but you have to turn around and say... sorry guys to the ones that just didn't make your cut. I'm going to be honest to say I'm so grateful to have met Ry. He met me at ...

1. Describe your childhood room. To be honest I didn't really have a childhood room. I lived in a basement in Vancouver. Shared a bedroom with my brother, sister and mom. It was a pretty big room. What was my favorite thing about it? Nothing really to be honest comes to mind. What is the favorite thing about my room now? I think I love my room now cause it's mine, it has the embodiment of me. 2. Five traits I like in myself as a child. Stronger imagination. Speaking Freely ( no matter how stupid the words that are coming out of your mouth, you're listened to and at the same time ignored because you're a child. Now you're an adult, your words are listened to - some ignored but more listened to. ) . Wonderment ( you're more amazed at things if you see the world as a child. ) . Acting Freely ( Being and having fun and not worrying about other peoples judgment. No Fear) a FUN-maker ( I remember always creating new games and trying to get everyone involved. T...

I've come to think that Ry's right after telling him of my predicaments when it comes to cracking through my GB's heart wall ( the wall he placed up to protect himself when it comes to women and love ) Ry's right. I can't really help him. I've come to see that he really is at the point where he has to help himself. I hit that point where - what ever it is someone said it wouldn't help. I got myself out of my walls. He has to learn to do the same. He seems though he's still upset. Angry at women. To be honest it's hard to be a female and be a close friend and not feel the front of his emotions. Because even when he converses with me he sometimes has a wall. I don't only hear it in his voice, I see it in his actions, his eyes. With people I come to part take and converse with. I listen, more than just the ears. I watch, listen, feel. Sometimes it takes more than words to understand someone. It takes more than words to love someone. LOL- I can...

I'm gonna be honest. When I write these journal entries. I really don't think a lot of people are reading. Then I go and check up on my stats and people do hit up my blog and read what it is I'm up to. I've been up to a lot. Trying to re-discover my inspiration in art. I got and started a new sketch book that is now a sketch of dreams and goals. Things I would actually like to see happen. Ideas I've thought of for a while and just never really jot down. Now I wonder is that why I haven't been able to produce new ideas because I had all these ideas stuck in there. Time to read a little and get to bed.

Well... it's official I love waking up next to him and being in his arms. Anyways roller hockey yesterday was rough! I don't think I've fallen or been hurt so much in a game unlike that one. I took two shots on the body ( That's what I get for playing in front of the net. ) One to the butt and one to the leg. When tried to dodge someone I end up running into Trevor head on. I see him coming and I try to brace myself as much as I can. I feel the right side of my ribs cage in, air leave my chest and I find myself trying to breathe, just breathe. My first attempt was a fail as hard as I was trying to but when I was on the ground I just wanted to get up as fast as possible and when I did I skated to the bench. I get to Ry's house, shower and eat dinner and watch some tv before bed. I'm home now and my body is SO SORE. oh yeah, Ry's mom is a super cook. Falling in love with her cooking. Eat it get fat and then go play some hockey to regain my body. I don'...

Yeah I'm a bit upset but I have to be understanding that my bf is currently recovering from jet lag-ness. Ugh .. I hope I would be able to watch Miami Vice.. or should I paint... just paint... mmm should I go to play roller hockey tomorrow .. it's going to be during the day so it's going to be hot. I feel like baking... maybe I will. Some banana bread? I kinda want to do cookies ... maybe I will. Anything to keep me distracted as I'm currently frustrated. Not frustrated in the sense of at my bf... just frustrated I'm alone... on a Friday night with heightened senses. *ladies if you know what I mean* At least my room is air conditioned. I'm still frustrated. I'm so frustrated I'm mad now.

What up Blog! Puhahaha! Yeah... I'm a dork. Anyways yesterday I woke up at 4am! and couldn't go back to sleep. Yes I'm blogging today at work because I have time and I'm not hungry and what else can I say besides the fact that I'm falling asleep sipping on red bull. Watch - my system is so going to get used to this stuff that it just won't work on me anymore. Wait- if I'm falling asleep while drinking the stuff does it mean that it doesn't work anymore on me? Anyways. I woke up. Did my meditation. Surfed the net. Made breakfast. Did laundry. Got ready for work and left. All in the morning. I guess when you wake up early you get more stuff done. The whole point of rising up early. I was excited to see Ry the whole day. I had secretly planned the last few days with his little brother and best friend to be there when he landed at the airport from his 3 week trip extravaganza in Europe. [ Wow... I want to go to Europe one day and soak up all the culture and ...

I wrote this title for today's blog but never finished writing it. I mean didn't even start. I'm currently reading the artist's way. A book that is meant to spark and unblock me as an artist that is currently stuck. I would say I have no inspiration... when I shouldn't have to say that. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day! Ry is flying in back from out of town. I can't wait to see him. My heart... it feels like I'm a kid waiting on Christmas..and tonight's Christmas Eve. Some people have already warned me about how "desperate" I may seem to jump at things with this relationship. I look from their perspective and they may seem right. I may be loving too much too soon but a part of me wonders. How could that be wrong for me to do so? I should always give what I feel I also deserve. Things I choose to do in the spur of the moment are now more from the heart than from thought. With love ... thoughts usually bring doubt to the heart but the he...

This is from the book I'm currently reading about crazymakers.  Know them... and don't let them get you down. - The Artists Way Crazymakers break deals and destroy schedules. Crazymakers expect special treatment. Crazymakers discount your reality. Crazymakers spend your time and money. Crazymakers triangulate those they deal with (pin people against one another.) Crazymakers are expert blamers. Crazymakers creata dramas - but are seldom where they belong. Crazymakers hate schedules - except their own. Crazymakers hate order. Crazymakers deny they are crazymakers. Charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions. Some people in my life as much as I don't want to see them as such are crazymakers. My dad is one to me. Doesn't know what I do and doesn't care to ask a lot of the time. Asking me to do a million things more than I can handle ( as a good little house wife ). Renovations, cleaning, cooking, baking, laundry, all the usual stuff. ...

I have nothing. I've just spent most of the day cleaning. Doing laundry. Which I will be folding later on this morning. Cleaned my room. Sorted out more things to give away for donation. Made my dad avocado jam. Set up the guest room for my great aunt that's coming this July. Another work week. Ry's returning :) I can't wait to see him.

Work was work... Don't think there's much to blog about there. But I did go check out this art piece after work. ** input image here** reminds me of the ghetto houses on the water in Malaysia and Brunei. Besides Ry text-ing me that he misses me so much... he goes an says something that makes me feel emotionally stupid. Now the last few guys I've dated since  'the epic failure of a relationship that was with Trev.' were all a part of this ... May Month Realization: Love Relationships from 1999 - April 2010 I was never loving fully - invisible walls were around my heart. May2010 - I knocked them down. I have re-discovered how to love fully. To try, to chance, that if I didn't love fully in the moment then I was lying to myself and them. I will try to never ever doubt myself, love, or life - again. I shouldn't say that I didn't Love Trev. I did.. but it did take me 2 years to realize I really really loved him. Should you be in a relationship for 2 y...

There's a fly buzzing around in my room trapped. Lets see if I can coax him out of my room.*goes out side in the hall* *leaves room door open* *turns on hallway light* *turn off bedroom light* *fly flies into the hallway* *shut off hallway light* *enter room* *close bedroom door* *turn on bed room light* SUCCESS. You know what the little fly did remind me of what's written in "The Secret". That if you don't believe that someone so small like you can make a difference in a world so big... try sleeping in a room with a mosquito / fly. That theory made an impact on me. Funny story for you. Today I walk into the washroom, two of three stalls are taken. I go into the last remaining free one. *ugh* Someone didn't flush properly! or courtesy flush during their deed! I flush with my foot, the water rises a bit... damn it it's clogged...wtf! I have to now wait for the one of the other two to finish before I get a chance to use the toilet. I get the middle stall (...