Behind SyloArts

Damn SQL Anyways I'm trying to set up my new site and I have no clue why it's just not working. I tried to update the one I'm already working on but didn't work and screwed up my SQL stuff. And my new new site on my new hosting crapper and now I have to think about re-designing a redesign. I must say though this new site is going to be loaded with a bunch if stuff. Now I have to build a site that I myself will want to constantly want to update, like my blog. I don't know what to say, I should have painted last night instead of choosing my site- but errr so annoyed that I can't decide what takes priority. I woke up again with another stomach ache. This sucks. I want to go running but it's a bit cold. Planning to go boarding by myself, I wonder if that's even a good idea. Seriously. What happens when I get hurt?! Damn it Sundeep I wanted Paris song! And people where are my paragraphs?! I have grown to the reliance on no one but myself. I wonder why. Wow I ...

Congratulating Congrats to Trevor as he became a father yesterday. What- the train is having problems. People didn't listen properly to the announcement. Wait - damn I had to switch trains . Anyways. I worked away last night again. Working out. I went to bed with a stomach ache though and woke up feeling sore. I worked on a logo design. And more so, I finally purchased new hosting. I was working on 500mb now I switched to 10gigs. I will be working to get a new website up. Should I re-brand myself? Dj thinks it should be my face but - I don't know. Maybe - I'm thinking about it. I have to work on transferring all my stuff - again, and think about knocking one of my clients. As she has failed to pay me yet. Another client hasn't paid me yet either, but it's not as much as 200$+. I've invoiced her and nothing. I want to go snowboarding this season and want to do it before spring magically arrives. I have to think about how on earth I will be booking and taking my r...

The Working Brain Yesterday me and my friend caught up. I used to see him almost every week- and then STOP. Called me up to do some work and chat. You see, the thing is his emotions have been just unstable as mine lately. I told him that I've been going up and down in my emotions like I'm bi-polar. One moment happy, then one moment complete and utter crap- and broken hearted feeling. I have to stop myself - but you can't help it sometimes how you feel. But I'm learning how to let go- to distract myself - fool myself into believing something else to save myself - from these emotions. Be happy with I have now. Stop questioning where you should be/ want to be and just live in the moment before the moment passes by. I then throw myself back into that series of I have until April. So, what do I have till then? I can't focus on what I want to do in the future, I have limited time, so I have to place myself in the mind frame of what I can do. I did some work for a client l...

Dreams and Reality There are things at time that I don't dare to blog. My reality of my deepest fears coming true. Facing what at times I myself don't want to speak of. The fact is. On and off a around a month- traces of that - that may flow through my veins - a symptom surfaces. Reminding me that it's time to schedule another check up. This time to ask to what I so feared before. I'm currently watching the soloist. A movie that stars two of my favorite actors. Powerful, moving, fear facing movie. My heart feels this movie, like stopping my hear to force me to listen. Making me nervous. Sometimes it takes witnessing the love someone else posses to trigger a search of your own. I however I'm prone to being aware of what's going on. Sometimes more than others. I started writing this blog the night before yesterday. Was interrupted and accused of not paying attention, I stopped. I dare not tell him what worries that are jotted in this entry. Maybe that's w...

Shower fast! I probably had the fastest shower ever today- I showered, changed and left the house grabbing a banana on the way out. My bud stayed late last night working on his new adventure project. I asked at least for the local one to take me with him. I just wish I was warmer around the time he hopes to choose to do it. At least we have a basis of a website design down. My first big design project on my new comp, pretty cool. However the new design programs take a bit getting used to. I'm so hungry :( I wonder what's to go down this weekend. Things left so unplanned like a surprise. I guess I'll see what I can do about knocking off some things on my personal to do list. My emotions have been getting the best of me the last few days but I'm a bit better now. I really have to focus in me- very largely. Doing videos, painting, making music. I haven't even written any short stories, maybe because I feel like my life is a huge stories, so many dramatic moments, chara...

Missing You I've been up and down with my emotions as to being content and being sad. It's not that I'm not grateful for what it is I do have but Somethings off. My friend was texting me to encourage me last night as I was watching tv and working out. It's just I miss people sometimes- friends. I don't tell them directly anymore well - I just don't. My back still hurts and when I was working out last night I realized that my arms were a bit sore, my abs were a bit sore and my legs all at the same time, this workout thing is pretty fun to play with. Like cats with a piece of string. I got my package for my new face wash and products to treat my acne break out problem. It seems to work great, for now. I hope my skin gets better in the next few weeks. Man I'm thirsty :(. I felt yesterday I do miss the morning messages I use to get- but the heart doesn't say out loud all the things it wishes to when thoughts cross their mind. Man I need music. New music o...

Working it I spent money on a yoga mat may be one of the last things I spend money on this month. Well it was a workout set thing but my abs hurt. From working out last night. I've been feeling spats of heartache and sadness lately. Even though most of the time I feel perfectly fine. Happy. Then those feelings of- unfulfilled comes in. I'm working on it. I shouldn't feel this way. I have good friends. In a good relationship. Family life has changed. I finished designing this graphic last night for cousin Jonny's birthday at the end of this month. I hope to get some shirts out by then. My back still hurts a bit, I have to try not to slouch. Thin out my stomach, finish my goldfish series. Yesterday the boss was sick and I felt like I was a monkey running around. Answering the phone not knowing really which client I was talking to- just trying to find answers to their questions. At the end of the day- I realized the real effort my boss puts in when holding down the fort. I...

Planning a Get Away Its already the middle of the month and I'm so excited about the end of the month. Planning a get-away with the Bf from this little city of ours. To Seattle - hey it's still somewhere. I've been to Seattle before. I wonder if the vinyl toy store is still there. I remember them having a series of shops that had art and vinyls and clothes combined. I booked the hotel last night. Before I went to sleep at 2ish am. I was uploading videos that were long over due to be uploaded. I feel so horrible. I should burn those photos for hockey for Kero. Chris is getting himself back on his feet, but I don't want him to forget about everyone else. Same with me! Me and my sis are planning a new YouTube channel together doing skits. I don't know, I just feel it will be fun. I'm thinking of making a panda suit. I know that's pretty weird to say, but I just think it would be awesome to surprise my nephew too. I wonder what his reaction would be like. My min...

The Pain Lies Well my week started a bit nice with spending time with the Bf. More than nice it was heartwarming when I started to mess up my back - and he held me as I tried to put on my boots <3 and I struggled through the pain. Our 7 months pass by without us recognizing it. In the last 5 days, I've bought 6 large canvases to prepare for the next set of artwork that will go for hanging up at a great location. My week past week I thought would go awesome until Saturday afternoon as the day started out great, sleeping in, going to dimsum with my guy. Then around later afternoon when we go back to his place to rest. I check my phone to see who's been texting me. My sister apparently had been franticly trying to contact me. My dad had called. They tried to get a hold of me to tell me that - my dad called my sister to say that he was going to bring the dog to the vet to put him down. My sister at that point did everything in her will to contact any of us siblings. Brother in ...

Packed and lacked I pack everything but one! Frickin- laptop charger cable. Damn it. Anyways I started this blog entry a little late but that should be fine. Yesterday the hallways of my level in the building I work at were being painted. I wondered what if some random person walked up and ruined what they were doing. Ok when I say random- I mean me. Jkjkjk- seriously as I exited the washroom with my co-worker and walked by one of the two painters, I kind of broke out in a giggle imagining someone just walking up to a newly painted wall raising their hands and slamming themselves to the wall and rolling along the wall. Stop, looks at the painter and tells them to paint it again. I really don't know why I thought of that- then i thought, are there painters out there that sabotage one another like that?? Or time is money- and work is work with no real fun. When I told my co-worker this little thought she laughed as well. Then said the obvious- you would so ruin your clothes. I realiz...

Another Early Morning Well woke up at 5 and did the normal exercises but more to get back into the swing of things. I really need to get to bed earlier. 1am is bad >_< but I guess a part of me just isn't tired out when I'm alone. But I am sleepy. 1 hour of sleep makes a difference. I spent most of the weekend painting. I am working on a 5 piece goldfish series. Its difficult to film when my camera only has 70 mins of filming session. Less I believe cause the battery drains quickly. I'm slimming back down - since after the holidays of eating horribly. I really don't know what to talk about today. Tax stuff is coming up and I have to spend a weekend to go and do that. I really don't feel like it. I should be doing it at the end of every month keeping track of my expenses- updating that spread sheet. I'm gonna get some shut eye before work.

Earlier Than The Bell Well, I woke up today before my alarm went, but I also fell asleep to with the tv on. I woke up and when my phone alarm went off - Bones ( one of my favorite shows ) was playing. I did some ab tightening work outs as I laid there. Nothing intense just leg raises and knee to chest stretches and such. I feel better than yesterday. Although I did start to get bit of chest pains last night. I don't know what it is, just feels like my heart hurts. Yesterday after work I walked out with Sonia and parted ways at the end of the block. I underestimated the amount of time it took to walk from my work to the Westin Hotel. I had a meeting with an old acquaintance I would call my friend- I have known for 10 years and chatted with him online for most of that time. ( we never really had face to face conversations till yesterday. ) I also met with another manager there. I looked onto the walls of the Westin's restaurant - hidden and the potential for art on the walls is ...

Tired and Upset I didn't hear my phone and it's text messages till I checked my phone before going to bed to find some messages. And they left me staying up for an extra half an hour to an hour because of my emotions. SJ was right that emotions should not control me but - kind of difficult when I'm a woman. Emotions rule a lot of what we do and the choices we choose to make. I'm tired and really wanted to sleep this morning. Strange though, I woke up this morning feeling like someone stroked my hand. My eyes shot open and a few seconds after my phone alarm went off. I try to exercise right when I get up - but it's pretty difficult. When your body is telling you that it needs more sleep. I've been running on 5 hours or less each day and I really don't know how long this will last. I would think I just need to get a routine going. At least I wasn't running for the bus this morning and I actually ate before leaving the house. Yesterday- Ry's message mad...

Angry Yeah- I'm so fricken pissed off right now- mad to the point of heart aches. How much the parents anger me is beyond. The one little annoying thing. I'm about to head upstairs to leave and they knock on the ceiling. Really?! I'm about to leave and you pull this wake up call shit. So now- I'm full in the thought of moving out. I can save up a lot in the next few months. I can't believe they would still pull this bullshit with me. And I'm getting really tired of the fact all my dad can talk about at dinner is how much he spent on the food were eating. Good prices and bargains - and what he should have bought more of. One thing about my parents. They still buy and cook like they are feeding 5 people. They over spend and over cook and more food goes to waste. But then now? They've slowed down in buying groceries though. So I step in to compensate and buy foods I would most likely eat. Problem with that is - they cook my food cause they think it should be th...

Starting Work Earlier OMG- I can't believe how much people are on the train right right now. And I have he strangest feeling the girl across from me keeps staring at me. Maybe personal paranoia but ugh. I hate that shit. I leave the house this morning and doggy walks me out. I go tell my dad I'm leaving for work and he's shocked - so early?! -um yeah . You can go back to sleep for another few hours as I start work at 8am now. So go back to your half lazy life- thank you. I made myself something to eat around 5-6 yesterday and he gave me the - why didn't you cook dinner for me, you never cook me dinner- talk. Really? I ate cereal - and I have cooked - no one ever really eats it - no matter how good it is cause it's 'western' food. So - suck it. My friend Hugh - calls me and let's me know he needs art for the hotel he works for. I'm really just glad to have the heart to produce art right now. The fact that ideas are flowing in. But if I have a steady f...

I feel a bit sorry for my sister. As I stood and watched and listened helplessly to the endless chatter of parents announcing their worries to her as she was well aware of her surroundings. I had this chatter in my ear as I tried to be the photographer for the baby's photos of his first birthday. It's like all your emotions speaking all at once - basically if you were in the same environment for too long, you'll understand why some people go crazy hearing voices in their head. If they hear voices - it better be all at once. Cause voices one by one - can't make you go crazy, it's basically your conscience. I'll be honest, as everyone was speaking all at once - I just wanted to tell everyone to shut the f- up. It was on my brink of rudeness. Not on my behalf - everyone was being rude and it was making me disgusted. Spending the last few days with my sister was nice. Even nicer to spend it with my nephew who'd wave to me in the mornings, smiled at me as I pla...

Can't sleep. Ending of the first day of the new year and I can't sleep. What is my brain thinking about. Nothing much really. But then I watch this video, saying 7 billion people will populate the earth by the end of 2011. This can't be correct. This has to be an estimation. People die all the time, people are also born all the time. But a part of me believes that the death toll is higher than the birth toll. Why? - we have the freak natural disasters. The suicide bombers, the killers, people that go missing. Did that tsunami not kill a lot of people? Or Haiti's earthquake? Even with all the natural disasters - is the population growing so dramatically? Who's having all these babies? - My sisters fiancé was talking about buying an island if the had won the 50million from the lottery. Power the island with a generator. I said, you can opt for energy windmills and solar panels. That's what I would do. My sister would like to start a new YouTube channel- write ...

I must say, I'm glad that 2010 is over. It's the final cleansing and I'm free of past emotions. 2010 - I fell in love before you and out of love in the first few days of you. Back in love when my nephew was born. Thought I was in love with someone that I was taken with in the autumn of '09 and re-evaluated myself to believe that could not be true. It didn't make sense to. And I let that thought of love go. Then randomly there was a surge of pursuers which I was no used to. Then - Now - I feel loved, actually - I don't know how I really feel. I did say how I felt - and I got a hug and kiss? -_- but that's the typical now. I expect that when I say I love to someone. It's like what I say to strangers that have said they loved me. "THANK YOU". Thank you replies hurt. Shit. I shouldn't say thank you anymore. Should I reply - I love you . Actually, should I? say that too? But I don't know them. I never want to miss lead people you know, some ...