Behind SyloArts

Hating I'm pretty sure in getting meaner to people cause I feel no emotions to them as I see no logic in their ways. I'm standing right in the front of the bus. First one out right? Considering I'm lugging another me in size. Nope people will still try to get in front of you cause they can't wait one second for you to gather your things to leave. They have to catch that train you know - that same train you're trying to catch! - come on people of the world. Give a little you might just get a break sometime. Sometimes people may think - I never get >:( and they are the grumpiest mofo's. The question is not 'how much have I gotten?' is 'how much have you given?'. Real love doesn't say - I give too much. I ask - 'how can I make you feel loved?' because I'll be giving of it. This is where change in me is needed lately. Is not wanting - but giving. I am already loved. I know this now. Through friends and others and family. I was jus...

Loving No one is a mind reader in a relationship. It takes great relationships to know this. Many things stem from miscommunication. It leads to frustration and that ultimately brings you to break up. Because one or the other or both can't communicate well enough on a level to say: I don't feel loved. That is an understandable statement. The - I don't know how I feel loved - is one I really don't understand. I can smother someone with love and have no idea what they love about my love. I can take it all away and then they feel like nothing to me. I know that's a little mean but I usually reflect what's given. I let the guys lead a lot because if I'm in charge for too long - I might just grow a penis. Oh wait god blessed me with something better- that's right. Should I just play the game. Give it all and want nothing - demand nothing and just do for them and yourself endlessly - when you're in a domain, own it? Be an endless powerful bitch? - I can do...

Missing people Lately I've been thinking about people I've been missing but - last night dream rattles my thoughts but not my heart. I think it just got me more confused. I would think Id dream of people I'm missing but then I dream of him. I bothers me. If it didn't I wouldn't blog, but it does. Is your brain still in the conditioning of being in "love" with someone long after you've separated? And I didn't think Trev was the last person I fell in love with. I dreamt of my sister living in a loft ( but still with the fiancé family ) . Which isn't good considering the fact she wants to move away from them. What bothers me is that in my dream I was searching for Trev and was very much in the loving him dearly- however when I saw him, he was very skinny. His cheeks sunken in and he was shivering cause he was cold and very scary looking. So much so that I turned away and couldn't look at him and walked away asking him to gain more weight....

enough said.

Morning No Sunshine Well this morning isn't much to say as I woke up in time to take a shower. I had to do math several times in my head as kept wondering what time it was I really needed to wake up by. As I laid in bed falling back to sleep then being awaken by another snooze alarm. I raise my head a little from writing this blog and people look at me. :/ I didn't do anything. Jeebus. I felt a little sad early afternoon yesterday as I thought about a lot of things. But I shouldn't be. Sad that is- not the thinking part. I brought up the conversation of thought with the Bf about getting a place together since he got upset with me when I was randomly looking at places for rent. I hate these kind of talks. No one ever really realizes what they are saying but I do. It's the- so? Where are we? How serious are we? Do we move to the next level together? Or apart? - Is it rushing? Or has too much time gone by? How long is too long, and what is not long enough? And then...

I wake up early in the morning - earlier than the others in hopes to catch the run rise. Only to find that I was facing the wrong direction - how dumb! I did get some shots of eagles flying by the window in the morning. I go back to sleep after ready a few pages in my book - and wake up a few hours later. The boys go to drop off the gear early morning. Vik also brings the Van to a local mechanic to look at. Oh did I ever mention that the van was making strange noises before we left up till when we got home? Yeah. Apparently it was either the belt or the gear they sit on that was making a bat / cricket kind of sound. Anyways the rest of us packed up our gear as this was the same day we were heading back home. We eat breakfast - or those of us that are there - Shalini makes some sandwiches for the guys that aren't and packs it up for them. When they return we load into the car - not loading all our gear just yet as this morning we were going whale watching. We run a little late,...

I had a strange happening not too long after returning from the trip one of these last few nights something happened. dangerous, something that would have cost me my life. I have a heater in my room that's a room space heater. it sits near the foot of my bed. When I went to sleep all my pillows and such were at my head. I was fast a sleep and I don't know when and out of no where my body jumps awake and I find myself reaching for my giant stuffed doughnut that had fallen against the heater. I place my hand over the stuffy to see if it was warm and to see if I can see how long it's been sitting there. A part of it's tag was about to be melted to the heater but the rest of it was fine. I find myself thinking - wow - I could have died. It could have caught on fire and that would be the end of all things as I would know it. I don't know why I woke up and just instinctively reached for it but perhaps it is because someone maybe looking out for me spiritually. Perhaps t...

Rewinding to the days in Tofino. Day 2: The next morning started - with everyone getting ready for today. Lining up interviews - I was there for a mid interview until I left with DJ and Trevor to go our surfing gear. I filmed our little excursion. - Me getting stuck having to sit on the floor of the van as we drove back to the inn. I was pretty excited to go surfing. DJ says to go get changed and when I do wander out - no one else is changed :( I felt like such a chump! and then I started sweating. To be honest I think someone can lose a lot of weight if they wore that thing a lot, since it is probably sucking up moisture from your skin. You can't hide anything in these suits- which totally made me feel SO FAT! so fat! >_<  - funny thing though - the boots didn't fit me properly nor did the gloves. Which later on had me taking in water. The only ones that were able to get into the waters were the ones that could swim - wait. I think Shalini could swim but she just did...

Let's Back Track A week ago I was still in Tofino- what was I doing there. Well some dreams take more than one person to help make it come true. I was simply there to really experience Somethings I never had. At the same time accompany my friend in helping record his first experience in project 100 Sessions to heaven. Http://www.100sessionstoheaven.com We left for the trip on Saturday morning- with me finishing up the 100S2H shirts for the team the following night. I didn't get much sleep the morning of- apparently when i got picked up and arrived at DJ's house - I realized not none of us really got that much sleep - well - I think Vik and Shalini got the most. There was 6 of us on this trip by the way. Me- the graphic designer and artist. Vik - the photographer & interviewer. Brian- tech guru, interactive arts specialist& videographer. Trevor- One of DJ's best friend, surfing buddy, web developer and Future med student. Shalini- musician, singer, songwrit...

Sleep or Passout Well - yesterday I went on a pretty adventure looking for fabric paint. I went level to level in the bay in downtown Vancouver at PC to find out that I don't think that they have a kiddies / crafts section at all. Went home to walk around another mall only to find that whole mall doesn't have any fabric paint either. What kind of stupid mall is that?! That you're looking for this one little thing and it becomes so difficult. I end up getting a bag from winners for 40$ - and I look at the actual brands sales tag. As I'm in line to the counter - original price - 220$ - god - how much do stores over price their products? I text my friend- they call me up and he ends up coming to pick me up to go to walmart. Before going to walmart we go to a dollar giant and found the white - the other colors they had were neon colors. I'm pretty sure the crew wouldn't want those colors. We hit up walmart and found the rest of the fabric paint colors needed. As ...

Yeah that basically summed up my Go-Karting adventure 2. And that's my life goal met. I'm up late because I just spent time working, trying my best to fix what ever was left that was wrong with the site I'm currently about to launch at the company I work at. I was out a but late - after meeting with friends and going Go Karting and then to dinner. At the Go Karting place - we were watching the safety video - only to see another old school friend on it. Apparently he used to work there. I was laughing >_<. I should have recorded the video. - I obviously came in last. Got stuck during a lap. Just ended up enjoying being last drifting around the corners. :P My hands hurt after and arms hurt. My arms were pretty short for the steering wheel and legs were too short for the pedals - that the guy who worked there had to adjust the pedals for me. Before that I was shopping for some T-shirts to make for the upcoming trip. and before that - work - was tedious trying to up...