Picnic @ Barnet Beach

I tagged along with my sister today to go to a picnic / bbq at Barnet Beach.
Due to the lack of sleep and shin splints that I didn't participate in a the Lam family events. Lan seems to fit in quite well. I am so happy for her and the bun in the oven.

I walk along the beach side with my cousin and I can't help but think of how the last time I was there with Trevor. We took pictures and how the tide has become so high now. I remember thinking to myself how it was a great place to bring a dog, to let them run along and play in the water. Maybe a dog was not a bad idea.

I shake off the thoughts of us and simply try to enjoy my day. ( not so easy )

I eat and think to myself, I really have to start weening myself off meats and soon solids all together for a while to cleanse my system. As unhealthy this MAY sound, I assure you this is for my health. This is something that I have to do to make sure my reoccurring health problem is not a serious one. I have to suck this up and just do it. Because when I go in for a check up for my problem, it may be exactly what the doctor will ask me to do.

This problem comes and goes, I always thought that it was caused by meats in my diet, but I've cut them for a while and still the problem returned on Wednesday ( day of break up how fucking ironic ) I did not tell Trevor. That was the only day and went away again. But he will read this and suggest for me to see a doctor. He and my sister are the only ones that know of this problem.
This health thing really bugs me, every time it returns it breaks my heart. I worry.
Losing a love is one thing, but my health and my life is another.
I'm so scared just to think about it.

I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.