Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Reflection Time Again

I need to get this off my heart and chest. It was strange for me to see FL in Calgary. Let alone what he asked of me. But he didn't know. He was the closest thing I ever had to perfection in a man. Really. Funny, Tough, Cute, what not and what not. To me I constantly believe in seeing the best out of people. So in other words it is very much easy for me to fall in love with someone. Well not In love - in love. like. Loving them a lot for what they do have. NOT the Love that is- I'm meant to be with you forever and ever and ever amen. I didn't see a lot of flaws in him I guess. He was everything I could ever ask for and then some but ... In the end, when I felt his doubt. I doubted - I stepped back as I felt him step back. I watched more of his actions and his words. We all know what happens when that happens. It fails before it even starts. We would have made beautiful babies. LOL. I would make beautiful babies with B- Too. man he has to stop asking me to make out. Do I really have to change my facebook status?! really?! I think B-'s just pretty to look at. That's right baby boy, if you're reading this. You're a smart cookie, but sometimes you're a smart ass which makes me a little guarded. I realized one thing that scares me in the series of guys that I've seen in the last... almost a year is the outburst of temper. Oh no they were never at me. Except for B- it's probably why I wouldn't date him.

Oh- Ry, you pop into my head and make me smile. My attraction to Ry, how can I explain this. He's a good merge.

I thought Darren was but he still lacked - it was pretty easy to let him go. I missed him a lot cause well he was good company. But you know you're not meant to be with someone when you see a vision of them with someone else. Marrying someone close to him. Feeling when you're with them that you're the third wheel. I felt he was meant to be with his friend O'. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my vision was wrong. Darren had good qualities. Not great but he was a great guy. When I stepped onto the beach at Pachena Bay, I had a strong feeling it would be my last time seeing it - or at least with Darren. I said nothing at those moments when life flashes me the possibilities of doubt, visions of what is to be, I felt them and believed them and left life play out. I lost hope we would be at that point - I just never said anything or blogged it cause well sometimes the heart likes to hope. When I was with Darren I wrote a sad song. If my emotions produced a sad song when you're supposed to be happy with someone, that says a lot about the relationship. No?

Back to Ry. Ry reminds me of a mix of FL, Chew and Me. Like FL - Ry has the ability to talk with anyone with confidence. Shake hands and network. Ry was actually the one that wanted me to introduce him to FL. Weird right?! but that confidence made me kinda like him more. Ry has the sincerity that Chew has. The rare factor that a guy tells you what he really thinks and feels straight out when asked. Some guys don't know why they do the things that they do. The sincere ones know, feel and think with their heart. They are the ones ( like me ) you want on your side, the kind of friend that will be there when you most need them to be cause they have the right kind of heart. FL, Chew, and Ry all have a quality that I need to find in more friends. Though FL / Chew may not know this but - if ever - would trust them with my life. With Ry I feel utterly safe. When we hug he pulls me closer in a way and I simply just melt into him. Same when we kiss. He pulls me closer and I feel shivers around my neck. I kinda blush at the thought of it really.
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