Sunday, June 06, 2010

Stop. Just Stop.

This morning my father finds out that the Whey Powder that sits in the kitchen was mine. I bought it as one of the things of ingredients for my shakes. My dad like always, tells me not to buy it anymore. That I shouldn't be drinking it that depending how it was made it can be bad for me. He tells me that I shouldn't be making and drinking the shakes that often, then he tells me to pour some of my shake for him and that whenever I make it I should pour him some next time. I say tell cause that's what exactly is going on. I try my best to keep my cool and not to let him get to me but I say before I leave the kitchen, "Dad, you have to stop TELLING what to do." Though maybe I should get used to the fact that it's always been like this. But on some days I just wish that it was more of a nicer way of communicating. Like him asking nicely if he could try some of what it is I'm eating or drinking or that it would like it if I made a little extra for him next time. That's perhaps the one thing that bothers me, it's never an ask - it's a tell.

Forcing loving actions is not love. Asking for loving actions is received differently from forcing someone to do something loving for you.

I finished reading the - Love as the way of Life - book last night and started on The Secret. The book seems interesting. Somethings are making me think differently.

This morning I chatted with the guy I have been seeing from 12:15 - 2am during his break at work. It's strange how I started to miss him soon after we hung up.

I woke up feeling sick again this morning the same feeling I had the day before except I almost threw up this morning. My brother wakes me up with my mom at 7am to tell me to take my clothes out of the washer and set them aside for now as my brother wants to use the washing machine to do some early morning washing. I'm sorry if he didn't take the time through out this week to wash his stuff as he's prepping to leave. My laundry was the last load from last night I threw in pretty late and didn't do anything about it when everyone went to sleep. Now I get one of the rudest wake up calls in the morning because I was nice enough not to run the dryer at 12 in the morning. I take my clothes out of the washer, dump them in a near by hamper and rush back up stairs into bed before my upset stomach feeling causes me to throw up. I get a couple hours of sleep or at least as much as I could as I have the sound of Mom, Dad, and The Brother eating breakfast in the morning from 7-10 in the morning.

I'm going to be cleaning out my room again, this time getting rid of a lot more things I don't need anymore. From X bf's and the past. I know it happened. There's moments to remember, but there are so many more moments to be made and I need to make room for that now. The what is to be.

It's like the Monk who Sold His Ferrari book. How can you expect to fill your cup of life if it is always full.
Perspective: How can you fill your life with new and wonderful things if it is filled with so many other things from your past, may it be good or bad. It's like what my friend Sundeep said, consume things and let them pass through you, if you hold on to them and dwell, you won't be able to appreciate and realize the elements that present themselves to you in THE NOW.
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