Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Morning Chatter

Running on low sleep. It's been hard for me lately to go to sleep. I find myself laying in bed just thinking. It was the same way when I was really sick. I'd just feel so unproductive to just sleep. I could be doing something. Then the realist me comes in to say that I need to sleep to have energy for tomorrow. My sun color is fading and my winter paleness is coming back. I've been doing a mix of things at home. I should be doing laundry, but since the dog slept on the bed with me last night, I guess I have to wash my sheets now too. I love the sun or at least when the sun is out in Vancouver. I cN take one day of rain for a week of sunshine. I absolutely love it! I've been in good spirits and have been busy thinking business wise. I'm back to the thought that I need to do this and that. I slowed down due to my artist block but I've been trying to push through it. I have been buying art supplies and other items to help me through it. I'm starting to love the feeling when I look really fabulous in the morning, when my stomach is flat cause in my dreams I'd been running around. All my muscles are tense till I wake up. This makes me think if I should get the dr. Hoes thing that dies the deep tissue massage thing. I think I'm slimming again. Mostly due to the fact that I'm not hungry. I'll eat within the first three hours of waking up. I'll snack and unknowing metabolism has gone up. I snack around ten. Then at twelve and then around 3:30. Which means when I get home I want to eat right away cause you should snack two hours before a meal. My dad doesn't understand why I eat right when I do eat without him. It's not that I mean to be rude to my dad. It's just I need to eat. I start getting stomach pains and sometimes even a headache. I guess this is my morning rant. Ugh- mom's coming back from Malaysia on Monday. I dread he hoarding ways and the fact I'd have to think about that. I have been neglecting chores at home a lot. Thus forcing my dad to clean ( he hates this and I do it purposely ) because when he cleans he's not just sticking his head in a book or watching tv or sleeping. It's not that I don't clean, it's the fact I won't be here to do it for them when I move out so he needs to understand that. He has that thought that I just don't clean. I'm sorry dad - I've sacrificed enough being your maid. You can take that "I'm trying to train you to be the perfect housewife" train of thought and shove it down your throat. Just cause I don't clean as much as I used to - every other day because of the fact that I work all the time now - I don't appreciate the fact that you believe I should do so much more work at home compared to you. The fact that I wake up and leave the house for work before you, I also return home from work later than you. I come home and do little things to prepare for something - art, filming, blogging, crafts. I'm basically always working towards something. I may neglect to take care of you, but when I live with the one I love I will love them and care for them without question. Clean after them, cook for them, do their laundry. I do this out of love, not because I should, but I'm willing to love them as I love myself. Maybe one day when you read this you'll know. But chances of that are low. You'll continue not to know me because you never take the time to ask. Thus I'll never take the time to tell you. I don't need your negative energy around me so much so that it cuts my creativity. I didn't stop art because it's dirty - I love getting down and dirty. It's because in feel no love for it sometimes. I need to fall back in love with all I do. 
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