Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween
Yesterday was a long day for me, like every other day now a days. I did a lot to push forward in what I need to be doing.
I'm strongly now thinking of moving into the guest room. However when I do that, my mom will for sure fill up my current room with stuff. My mom is a hoarder if I never mentioned before. The room is smaller but its closer to my work space. Sacrifice? Gains? I really need to fully Submerge myself in what I need to do to get where I need to be. My brother is fighting me on the basement. His domain. For a guy who moved to Australia and applied for permanent residency - who has a condo he's thinking of moving back into when he returns. Does it make a whole lot of sense for him to occupy a whole level - when and if he returns - will he be jobless?. He does trades - stock exchange stuff. Really? Brother? What are you building that is currently equal or more to what I am currently building. I think my biggest upset with my family is that - It's not that I want them to be supportive. I kind of need them to be.

They say 'no' with out clear reasoning before anything else. 'No' does not leave room for growth, 'no' shows me how you love me. I hear more of - 'you can't ' in my house. And yes I push back because people are not understanding that - the successful ones in this world never grew up with the environment of 'can't' maybe it is time to move out sooner than I thought. I put so much effort into making my house a home- but it's nothing more than a place my family occupies, where I sleep some nights. Where I partly grew up in. There is no appreciation here. I put hours into renovating. Plastering, sanding, painting, cleaning. I have done some kind of remodeling or re-decorating 10 spaces in this house. More than half the house and still I don't deserve to build a space of my own in a two story house that is currently being occupies by 3 people. I need either remove myself from this environment of 'Can't' or try and make my house into one of 'Can'. But I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Kind of sucks a lot when I think about it. All in all. I have no idea if I am fighting people or time, haven't even gone into get a full cancer free check up yet. But that in it's own is someone telling me I have a time limit - If the result comes back positive. We all know life's time limit - isn't told. You can be in accident tomorrow and pronounced dead - it's why you question why you do what you do and if you're happy doing it. If you aren't then you should be asking yourself what can I be doing to make myself happy. I'm trying to make myself happy- for more than a year now.
The house of can't - Hmmmmm.
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