Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I Am My Own Reason

I Am My Own Reason
The other day, my friend asked me to ask myself, "what is holding me back right now?" the truth is...Me! I know this. It why I read the books I've read to become better. I am already capable of the best that I can be, I just have to prove myself wrong - that I am better than I am of my own perspectives.

I don't know if I blogged about this but last month I suffered the feeling of being not worthy of a certain life goal at this point in time. After some time of silent self evaluation - I realized that's exactly what it is. Although I may have not achieved 'that' life goal at the moment- it's just not my time yet. That if I take a step back and really evaluate what it is I am currently striving for - It is a really big goal. To put myself out there - trying to build not only myself but companies - no that's not right to just classify them as companies - a legacy...that's it. 'A legacy' that's bigger than myself. I know that - that legacy is what will also build me as well. To be a known artist / designer before the age of 30. To be able to put on an art show before then - is really something to strive for. Something pretty big.

What was I sad about? Well - I always thought at this point in my life I would be moved out with the person I love. Engaged to be married, and starting to build a family.

After a couple weeks of self evaluation I realized...I have yet to even build myself! I haven't even established myself with my own too feet yet. How can I possibly build a sting enough foundation for a family if my own name is not strong enough. What I mean by that is I have yet to fully build myself as a great person with a solid financial status, independent well being and true familiarity with my own identity. But I must say the 26th year has really created more confidence in myself. I found my style, what I like and don't really like ( clothing wise ) my wardrobe is almost 100% complete . I am now just a week plus- since after my birthday i am now more financially stable. Where I can save largely every month and still spend smartly without having to worry. My health is - rocky but I got my body into shape to where sometimes it's strange to look down at myself. I find myself wondering, 'did my legs get thinner?' somedays. I learned how to drive and it's going to be a matter of time when I take my drivers test. This year I will concentrate what needs to be done to build me to be where I need to be. Cause everything else comes after. That success can help me build up not only myself , but my loved ones, family and friends. I can't build something successful , if I fail myself.

Sent from my iPhone

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