Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My Different Worlds

My Different Worlds
Yeah it's difficult putting up a front. The first interaction with my dad this morning really wants to make me punch him in the face. He says to me, " I asked you to find the power sander the other night (Sunday) and you still haven't found it. You know I get home and I'm tired. I'm old, cant you see CC ( the dog) thats how old I am." Then he goes on to say how I should volunteer at a old folks home an see how old people are.

Please dad, don't even compare yourself to a dog that's deaf and blind now. Even when he is he still loves me more and shown more love to me in the last 13 years. I came home last night around 9:15pm by that time I was already pretty tired. Why is it so hard for you to find the power sander? Really. Don't compare yourself to a old old man in a senior citizen home. Cause you're not that old.
Ok - no more of that. I feel this suffocating energy from this hatred. Yesterday . Work was work. Nothing really interesting. Got a filet-o-fish meal with a side salad and orange juice for lunch. After work I was walking to the skytrain. I man who's stopping for the red light says hey to me. And I smile and go on. Then as I cross the street and carry on, another man in the back seat of another car smiles at me. Hmm interesting. Is it really mind over matter. I'll be honest- When I left my building I was trying to build my self confidence .. Saying to myself that I'm sexy. Looking good. Lol - yeah I'm a dork. I head to PC mall to go meet my friend in the lobby of her work building. We were to meet up with some friends that I went to school with. Some of us hadn't seen each other since we graduated. Half the people invited didn't show. Busy or sick. The dinner ended up with three as the friend I arrived there with also took of early. It was nice to catch up. I do believe we should do it more often. I got the fish and chips.

I skytrain home with a friend and the strangest thing happened as a stranger says to me that he thinks I'm beautiful. That he will remember me forever. That he loves me and loves my eyes. He also said something that was pretty creepy - that he wished I was going home with him. How he would feed me a glass of milk ... YAH it was pretty weird. Mmmm but I tried to be as nice as possible. Saying thank you, and he even announced he was gettin off before we arrived at his stop. He kept saying he loved me and that I had a good night. I thanked him again and hoped he gets home safe. Haha and he even waved at me after getting off and I waved back to be nice. Wow- it strange for that to even happen. But I'm glad my friend was there. Or I really wouldn't know how to feel. Guarded or thankful that this man who most likely was high- was complementing me.

I split ways as my friend got off at her stop a while later and I ended up reading a bit before my bus came. I went home and just crawled onto bed. I was pretty sleepy already. I joined a few people in a chat room. I washed up soon after and ended the night falling asleep to another episode of Bleach. I'm pretty sure I didn't finish the episode before falling asleep.

I had a revelation yesterday. That things do happen for a reason in a specific order. Big dreams should be chased one at a time. I should not feel unworthy of anything. Only believe it's in line and that something is supposed to happen before another big dream can happen. One downfall is only the opportunity for something else. And one dream cannot fade in until another fades out.

This is a meeting of great minds, one day we will look back.... and wish we were back there.
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