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Showing posts from December, 2010

Happy Boxing Days

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Well let me sum up the last two days for you, On Friday, the boyfriend came to pick me up around late afternoon. He let me drive to Richmond and back to Vancouver. The store he wanted to go visit was closed. See, I've learned over the years to control my emotions - A cool cat in situations. It's not that I don't care, it's I don't see why I should waste energy through certain ways. One fills their life with drama because they may love the scattered emotional highs of different situations. Me, I learned scattered energy is not always the best thing. Focus on what you need to do and want to do the things you need to do. Don't focus on their problem, focus on yours. Be happy for others and wish them happiness. If you want the best for others, the best will be bestowed onto you. Smile at others and let them go on their merry way. Don't focus your mind on useless things. Christmas present I got from the boyfriend was - Despicable Me Movie and Davidoff - Cool Wa

Putting Up A Future

On Thursday I finished up the 6 canvas' and sprayed on the clear coat the seal them. Just in time for DJ to come and get me to go help me out and get them up. I wanted to keep it from the rest of the world where these are going up like a surprise. I had a strange feeling that I had to get these paintings done and up like some kind of recognition that this all is not in vain. That my life was not all in vain. I am living on a time limit. I only have so much time left to set up a series of events to alter and create the very thing that may define - ME. I finish the "Return To Me" series, only to imagine and start anew art series. One more beautiful in my minds eye and I can only pray that it physically manifests into something greater. I can only imagine and hope for a great art show at the end. When I was putting the finishing last strokes onto these paintings, I'll be honest, I was on the verge of tears. Thinking about how beautiful they were becoming, thinking - woul

Hello, beautiful mess

Hello, beautiful mess For someone with 2 hours of sleep- I'm feeling pretty awesome. Although not all things are working out as the day started to. It's okay cause they are going to get done. Things are on my list for a reason. Things happen for a reason. I watched two videos before my lunch and theses are. Do what you love and do it. Argue- but get it over and done with and make up your mind and just - leap. The guys next door in the new office set up come and go. I see them looking in the window and one said hi to me as I walk back to my office from the washroom. I said hi back to be nice to the white guy in suits. - I love guys in suits. I could go to a get together tonight but the parents made a request for me to be at home. I have the rest of the week off. What am I going to do? Work- personal stuff that is. Portfolio. Photos. Setting up more stuff on the comp. Posting videos up. I had lunch today with people at work. The bosses - my boss and the other company we share the

2 hours of Sleep.

2 hours of Sleep. But that's okay. I spent the night painting. While my Bf works, and everyone slept. I finished my six piece painting. I changed my original concept for pure pandas. I just couldn't get the girl to work to my full advantage so I think I'll save her for something else. I painted my pandas and then on my fifth panda I realized I wasn't recording! Sucks. But I guess life goes on . I wake up this morning with a little dreading cause of the little sleep I had but I showered put on perfume and my clothes since today is lunch !!! :) and I'm listening and singing to Bruno Mars as I walk to the bus stop and looked up at the beautiful sky. It wasn't vanilla but a bright white shining through the clouds. I have a biggest feeling of. Life's so good right now. I guess it's the knowing I have great friends. Creative, talented and supportive. My back hurts and I hurt my ankle on the bus. Basically I was stepping up on the back, the bus moved and my fo

Feeling It

Feeling It I'm feeling a lot of things at the moment. Back pain, bloating cause aunt flows preparing herself for some grand entrance. I'm currently listening to Beyonce and she's just amazing! Wow. Boyfriend was being very sweet yesterday till this morning. Well he's very sweet a lot of the time really. But as he held me as I was playing little big planet while he slept. It was - humbling - and to think of the things we have been through together in a short amount of time. Many dejavu's are happening in a sequence of different subjects that I don't know if I should act on as I saw in my dreams or will things change? Because I'll change it. What happens if we believe we change our future as we see them. But then the alternate outcome has been foreseen as well. I was on the verge of tears. Placing myself in the 'I'm dying' state of mind. I was starting to imagine my funeral. Who would come. From in and out of town. If any- at that too. And the une

Relapses Suck

Relapses Suck For the longest time I was feeling so good. Tiny symptoms come back. I told SJ and advised I should work out and just keep at it. Bf stayed over the weekend at my place. He arrived in the afternoon of the night before where I had finished the 6 piece panel background. We had dinner at a near by restaurant called the Chili pepper house. And then the next morning we went for dimsum and an attempt at Christmas shopping for his parents. But Ry likes to do his research before purchasing anything. I went looking for a jewelry rack cause mine is non existent since moving. And now I'm looking for a jewelry box or looking into building one. Ry thinks I should just buy one. But things out there just don't have enough to hold my collection of awesome earrings. I got my closet extension where it allows me to attach an other row below my existing hanging rod. So I have two tiers. At least I was somewhat. I video edited as the boyfriend slept. He sleeps a lot. I'm a little

Exporting

My thoughts are all over the place and the last thing I need from anyone is be-littlement from anybody. Especially hard when I feel it from the significant other. I find myself looking in to Condenser Mics and audio recording equipment. Gadgets. I got to figure out how I can set up some things on the new comp. Such as my camcorder. Considering it can be used as a webcam for pc's. My design programs aren't working. So I'm trouble shooting at the time. My macbook's filled with files I have to convert. I still have to produce the music for the next two songs to push out as youtube videos. I need to clear the space on the comp in order to film the remaining last two - three videos. What's in store for tomorrow, I really don't know. I need to build my jewelery rack / holder. Put up the christmas tree. set up the guestroom. move some book selves. ( That's if I can ) Move out some of the renovation tools into the storage room. There's nothing more tha

Death Date

Death Date No, this isn't about suicide - but it is about death. Me and my bud last night made a plan. As one of D_Meths projects is coming to an end. Mine will begin with a directed painting every week. My question is how I use everyone In the crew to an advantage. By the end of these 15 weeks and we switch back to the producing music thing. I suggested we look at our final date that was want to accomplish it all by is mid April. Instead of looking at this as a due date. We need to look at it like it's our death date. That - that's when the doctor told you- you were dying. So everyday till then your life is going to majorly change. No- there is no treatment, your cancer is in it's final stages so treatment won't help. So what would you do? You re-align your goals. Tell the ones you love you love them and let go of any grudges and and you start to love differently. spend time with people more. You think about- who should you tell- who you need to tell- who shouldn&

The days begin

The days begin It's somewhat of a beautiful morning. Spent two days with the bf and had one of the best dinners I've ever had for our anniversary dinner. The bf took me to the boathouse. It was so good! I love good food and theirs was just fantastic! They even gave us complement dessert to celebrate the anniversary! I was so full already but some how found room for this delicious delight! The food was so good I was on the brink if shedding tears! As I sat there and ate I realized I enjoyed the - dressing up and going somewhere nice to eat. And I thought if that was what was missing before. Enjoying ourselves and great food. Bf says it's too bad that I was never really taken out to enjoy such things - it is unfortunate but he took the initiative to do it which is nice. Bf got me a ps3 for anniversary and I got him a few copies of his car printed on poster board and some on vinyl. A picture that was taken for the upcoming feature thats going to be in a car magazine. We should

Skytrain Delights 1

Skytrain Delights 1 I love vanilla mornings and the day is just beginning. I'm dressed up with flats and the heels are in my bag. Lugging my bf's present around. I hope he likes it. My stomach is starting to hurt again. I guess I've been in the green so much now a days when sick days come I'm blah... Either that or I'm getting my period. But that ended not too long ago. I really don't know why I'm calling this skytrain delights. Yesterday I came up with a thought- what happens if we dream our dreams ( the ones we feel are so real ) . We remember for a moment after I waking and they fade. What happens if that fading is only a stage of it manifesting into reality. That the fade is a process it must undergo for it to happen. I had a dream once I woke up from my bed with my husband cooking pancakes for the kids. I used to remember their faces so clearly - but I'll be honest to say it's fading. I remember almost everything but their faces and I wonder

Happy 6 Months

Happy 6 Months I'm writing this to remind myself that Good moments should be better than one sliver of doubt. The understatement of where my heart lies is not your choice but mine. Your doubts are not mine. I love ... His eyes when they meet mine. How he holds the door open for me. How he reaches his hand over the dinner table as we wait for our food. How he holds my hand when he drives. - How he holds my hand anytime. The little sigh he makes when I hug him, when he makes it clear he'd like a hug. How cute his feet are. How much more social he is than me. When he let's out funny noises Randomly. How he sings commercial radio songs out loud. How he picks me up with ease. When he tells me little facts. When I don't know something I'll ask him, and he'd answer intelligently. The memories we have already made. I can't believe it's been 6 months already.

Is it Strange?

Is it Strange? Is it strange that I love taking transit sometimes? The sight and sounds. Smell not so much. The grind of the track, the shakes and sways. I was watching this show once with the millionaire matchmaker. She said- if they don't say I love you in the first six months, consider moving on. I wonder if this is true. That one should. Then I question- do I have too much love that it just doesn't add up sometimes. Should I stop. I don't know if I'm in the good or the bad. Like the day, the feeling, that breathlessness won't come anymore. I'm I wanting more than just the norm. I don't do default. Boyfriend said I'm high maintenance. Is this true? Maybe I'm asking too much from him? Am I giving too little. I didn't tell him that kinda hurt me. I tend to believe I don't ask for much. I don't complain when it's not needed. Maybe the perception of myself is not as fantastic. He kind of complains more than I do. Things I know he

The Pain

The Pain Well the summary of my weekend. Friday-after work, I met up with DJ who fed me. He bought a whole bunch of food from T&T and it was fantastic. After than I Then that night rolling over to Saturday - I worked on restoring one of my clients site that was hacked. It was so rough, structure re-building is rough! Then later on that night I wanted to end it painting but I didn't have enough gigs on my computer- two series of painting the 6 piece footage took up a lot of space. I had to clear it, move it, or publish and delete some stuff. I also had to create the beat for the footage. Which I ended up passing out doing. Sunday- I went out to have breakfast with my friend Ben. I hadn't seen him forever and it felt nice to sit and talk to him and find out about his crazy girlfriend. I've been hearing stories about crazy girls. On Facebook my friends have been also posting vids about how individuals feed the poorest of the poor. Even when they don't have income comi

Return

Return I wonder sometimes is it worth it. It's hard now to be in a relationship and keep my head up to believe we are going to be just fine- I'm jaded - I really don't know what to believe anymore. I'm starting to believe the train wreck break up fucked up my perceptions. It re-aligned my goals but in the process - suspended my emotions and self worth. My emotions are so scattered now- yet I know that I should pull them together to do my art. It's the only way. Or I'd really mentally lose myself. Strange yesterday when I heard some news about the ex's baby being due in January - I'll be honest to say I did feel sad. It's that thought again that I just didn't have what it takes with him. Then I start to doubt that even have what it takes at all. That - that happiness won't come for me - ever. I then wake up to remind myself- I should never think I'm not worthy of anything. Cause it's not true. I re-evaluate the great guy I'm with

Blank

Blank Anyways I don't have much to blog about. Had one of the best sleeps I've had this week. By myself that is. I had a meeting yesterday with SJ and went home after- worked out - downloaded some stuff for the computer which ended up short circuiting my whole basement when I turned it on. Then again I had the heaters going. I realized I have to move my computer to be closer to my art area for when I film my art time lapses. It would be ideal to Keep it as is but sometimes life says pick. I passed out researching more layouts on how my new portfolio should look like. I think I have one but uncertain and looking for more. Is it that difficult to look for already made templates I can just custom alter. If I could write the code for a total custom design I would but I need it to function flawlessly. Right now it's like I have no resume to go with what it is I do. I have a rough idea of how I want my print portfolio to be. I just have to look for my hardware now. I have to put

Feels like Forever

Feels like Forever Since I blogged that is. The days seem shorter now. Meetings at the beginning of the week and I feel like I don't want to see anyone anymore for a while. Considering I used to be a major loner. Really. I'm still grasping around the fact that I'm juggling all this. I don't even have kids yet or my own place. Ohh I should put on make up. Crap I don't have a mirror. I'm now thinking I should be more organized in my room. So earring holder and bracelet holder and necklace holder. A part of me is ready to pack up the vinyls and KH models but they are still too awesome to me to let them just sit in a box. I have a lot of cleaning to do. Around my work area. Monday I had a meeting with Chris and a few of his friends. And John was there and some familiar faces but it was more a friend hanging out event but business was involved. Yesterday I had a meeting with a friend of a friend that work for primeamerica. Their retirement plan thing looks a bit - g