Friday, December 17, 2010

Death Date

Death Date
No, this isn't about suicide - but it is about death. Me and my bud last night made a plan. As one of D_Meths projects is coming to an end. Mine will begin with a directed painting every week. My question is how I use everyone In the crew to an advantage. By the end of these 15 weeks and we switch back to the producing music thing. I suggested we look at our final date that was want to accomplish it all by is mid April. Instead of looking at this as a due date. We need to look at it like it's our death date. That - that's when the doctor told you- you were dying. So everyday till then your life is going to majorly change. No- there is no treatment, your cancer is in it's final stages so treatment won't help. So what would you do? You re-align your goals. Tell the ones you love you love them and let go of any grudges and and you start to love differently. spend time with people more. You think about- who should you tell- who you need to tell- who shouldn't really need to know. How do you break it to family? Friends? - do you email them? Facebook it? Call them? To tell them you're terminal- or let some people live their happy lives because it will be that much easier. Have you left enough of a mark that when it's your time you've touched more than just your family, or a handful of people. These thoughts were with me last year when I got sick. Showing almost all the signs of a certain cancer- only one or two not being prominent. Symptoms that drain you. Of your energy, feeling pains everyday, the coming and going of other symptoms. All these experiences have changed me- how I do things. How I love, who I love, and the choices I make. I told my friend as we sat there that when you feel like you're dying and all signs point to the fact that you just maybe- everything in you changes. The person everyone thinks that knows you a year ago, Won't know you after this. It bears on your soul, heart, and mind. You start to wonder what you have accomplished and what you still need to. You enjoy your days- you find little things more beautiful. You say thank you more. You connect more. You try to find more time. You may sleep less. Start your days earlier. You surround yourself with different people. You take different chances, risks, because - let's face it- you're dying anyways. You tell those you always wanted to tell that you love them. Because who doesn't want to know they are loved. You let go - and you find out what you seem to hold onto.

You want to make your legacy- I started mine a little over year ago. My mind was fully in that state that - I'm dying. My friend leans forward to tell me that if anyone tries to ever write a biography about him that I need to stop them. Cause not even one person can do that. I lean forward in my seat and said- why do you think I started blogging? This is my personal diary- to journal the days of my life - or a year ago- the remaining days of it. No one else is telling my story but me. From my heart, and mind and hands. That's the reason I encouraged him to start a blog. It's not really about who's reading this. Is the fact you are expressing yourself, telling your truth. How others interpret your life is something you can't control. But you can in your time try to show your true self as much as possible. Do as much as possible to leave something for more than your name- but something that says your worth. You die tomorrow and what have you left behind? Don't spend all your money- or build a debt or that's all that you would be leaving. I said to him that is exactly what I'm now trying to work out- my worth. Because I have no idea what I am worth to people or the world. Those paintings in my sisters collection can start at the selling cost of 800$ - when I become more notified- that 800 can turn into 8000, to 80,000 to 800,000 to 8million dollars. I - in my lifetime may never discover the worth of me. Just how much I am valued at. But who's to say when I'm dead. Who's to say 5 years from now. I can't but I can say in the next few 15 weeks. I'm going to continue and live stronger - just cause I know I'm dying. It may not be in April. But I know what I want.

I need to complete my 6 canvas series.
I need to finish my online portfolio.
Re-build my print portfolio.
Create a painting a week.
Continue YouTube
Continue blogging.
These are my projects.
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