Saturday, December 25, 2010

Putting Up A Future

On Thursday I finished up the 6 canvas' and sprayed on the clear coat the seal them. Just in time for DJ to come and get me to go help me out and get them up. I wanted to keep it from the rest of the world where these are going up like a surprise. I had a strange feeling that I had to get these paintings done and up like some kind of recognition that this all is not in vain. That my life was not all in vain. I am living on a time limit. I only have so much time left to set up a series of events to alter and create the very thing that may define - ME. I finish the "Return To Me" series, only to imagine and start anew art series. One more beautiful in my minds eye and I can only pray that it physically manifests into something greater. I can only imagine and hope for a great art show at the end. When I was putting the finishing last strokes onto these paintings, I'll be honest, I was on the verge of tears. Thinking about how beautiful they were becoming, thinking - would they embody such emotions if I didn't go through what I needed to the last year and a half? Would it embrace urgency if I wasn't in the mind frame of - I'm dying? - I guess I simply started to believe that - painting was clearly the therapy that I needed all along. It is the clarity of the artwork that was not presenting itself to me - the heartaches fueled the emotional - Love cleared the mental blockage. Love from family, friends, and loved ones, love for myself. Through love I found the strength. See - I think that's the only thing that strangely keeps me sane - knowing that I'm loved regardless. I know someone loves me. Who am I to say who loves me? I have no position to. My family, Old love, New Love, Friends? I rarely feel in the sense of panic anymore, because I'm in the circle of safety. I clearly see who should stands beside me, who will hold me up to see me succeed, who doubts me, who clearly has a good enough heart and faith, and those that just don't deserve to be in my circle at all. My mind is just currently in the right - Mentally, Financially, Artistically. I have the strangest feeling that things are just falling into place.

Here's the series of "return to me" - all at once for you from canvas one all the way up to the final. I realized that some Canadian tire store logic - doesn't make sense. I had to walk into near the entrance of the car area side of the store to find Christmas cards. The Picture hanging frame stickers that I was looking for that I got in Toronto, only found one pack when I was looking for 4. And I had to go with double sided adhesive ones. I hope they stay up. It would be embarrassing if they did fall.

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