Behind SyloArts

It's interesting. I have this dress that I bought in 2004-2005 when I went back to Malaysia. It was one of the rare finds to me that I totally fell in love with when I got it. My dad thought it was a sleeping dress, which it isn't, but it's one of the ones which I thought the material is different and the fabrication quality was really nice too. But I also seem to always get looks when I wear it. I shall call it my sexy dress! hahahaha. God I'm lame, nono. I had to rush back to Metro today to get my heals from the shoe repair shop and my dress from the alteration shop. ( and yes this is where I got all the looks and even a whistle today... yeah I'm sexy! ) When I went to the alteration shop and tried on my newly fitted dress ... OMG! how awesome it looks! I can't wait to sport it this spring and summer and all year round. And the shoe repair shop was way cheaper than what I paid downtown to fix it. I might just go back there. I ended up doing some more shopp...

Where do I start with today's blog. I've been ... NOT wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. I've been feeling more tired and tired lately. Regardless if I work out or not...I'm pooped at the end of the work day. and I don't do much at work... besides sit in front of the comp and type and click and design away. I was feeling pretty good this morning... up until end of work as I was leaving I go to the washroom cause my stomach has been cramping randomly the past few days. Today's uncomfortable shooting pain was near my belly button on my right hand side... I also get mild chest aches that are accompanied with shortness of breath... I tear up in the stall thinking... "I don't wanna go back to the doctors" and I stop myself from crying. I ... disassociate myself with the pain and that is that. I don't wanna think about that anymore. I had to do something to pick myself up from the on and off of not feeling so well, so I went shopping. I m...

I've been working on this video for a while. Had to film different clips separately especially the one with the dog... catching him on different hours scratching my door in the middle of the night. I am working on some more videos currently but... it's a lot of work filming and editing. *sigh*

work was work... and by lunch I was feeling sick. I'd started on the pills again cause I'd been feeling sick most of this week. I rush to metro to drop off my shoes to repair at some shoe repair shop. Did you know that metro doesn't have shoe repair shop in the mall? there are lots of dentists, and doctors, alteration, shoe stores, but no shoe repair shop? I had to walk into future shop to Google the one located at station square. I guess I'll be picking everything up this Friday. The dress and my shoes. I rush home to get ready for a 5k run, only to have it turn into a half run half walk. I left the house at 6:25 and returned 40 minutes later. Maybe I should push myself to exercise on the days I feel sick. But that's a rare one these days. And good weather is rare too. So I'll take what I can get. I realized on my walk that I most likely have fallen for Darren, now the trouble is falling out. I guess my best bet is ignore, erase, pretend... nothing ever happ...

I woke up this morning feeling really sick. My stomach hurting, I felt as though I was short of breath. It was that sickly feeling I had in the beginning of January. All of a sudden ... I really miss Darren, I curled up to my pillows as though I would have curled up to him. *sigh*. Have you ever had one of those wake up moments, where you were dreaming and then when you wake up your mind and body believes it's somewhere, when it really isn't. My mind and body thought I was at his place, waking in his bed next to him... when I wasn't, I woke up in bed in my own home - alone. I felt as though my heart hurt. I see an old friend from school and we chat it up on most of the train ride to work. I felt better after getting breakfast. Work was work. Nothing really new or special about it. A few updates came in, went out etc. My friend Fei, texts me in the last few hours at work to tell me she needs to go to the police station on Main St. My brain goes into questioning mode? Why? ...

My dog this morning: I'm on time but I keep forgetting something in my room, I'm walking back and forth from the front door to my room. He follows me, he barks at me on my last run around as though to say..."babes, you're going to be late!" ...and he walks me out the front door and stops on the top step of stairs and sees me off. ♥

I cleaned up my room a bit this morning. I had plan A and plan B of how I would make it to today's game. In the end I bussed it and sky-trained it down to a station where a friend would pick me up and take me to the arena, and back. As I prepped myself and walked out of the house. I looked up to the sprinkling sky. I knew it wasn't raining hard, so my Canada hoodie would be alright. I know, it's not waterproof. But I'm not a doll made of glass and I won't melt in the rain. I strap the hockey bag to my back and grab my hockey stick in the other. I didn't want to bother with an umbrella. I look up and let a little rain fall on my face. I smile because I think to myself... This is the only way I can honor you Mia, this is all I have left to offer you, watch over me today. I walk by a neighbor who's carrying his child on his shoulders. He smiles at me and I smile back. :) I continue on my way to the bus stop. The ride is short when I hit the station. When I di...

You don't run away from the past. You walk away from it with grace. You move forward, You pause every now and then to glimpse back and when you do you smile at it with a nod and a wave. Be thankful of the events that has happened. Bad, Good, Laughs, Tears, Heartbreak and Love. Be thankful that they ever happened. That you were even given the opportunity to do so. That you lived some kind of life and experienced the things you have because there are so many others that live in more dire conditions. You never want to walk forward into the kingdom of heaven and ask "why?" to God. "Why" he did put you through those things. He'd probably give you a smirk and say, "Have you learned nothing?" and make you re-live your life all over again. When you know what it's all about...for...you'll meet him and the first words out of your mouth could be, "Thank You"... and he may give you a smirk and say, "welcome home." There are cert...

Start time 6:55 .. finish time 7:30 = 35mins for a 5k run. I smile at those that I come across. hello biker guy . hello Asian neighbor. On my run I run by an old man's house who seems as though he just returned from home and is about to go into his house. He calls out to me..."What are you doing?!! You're beautiful, you don't need to jog / run!" ... I smile at him... and say "Thank You!" ... awww love tank filling.. :) hmmm I have a roller hockey game this Saturday. Apparently we need people to play. I feel so handicap without a License now. I can't go do something that I promised Mia I would do. I'm very ready to learn how to drive. It feels like the events happening around me are preparing me for this time in my life to take this big step forward. Learning how to drive is not an important skill set to me. But it's going to make me much more better of a person, then I can be there more for the people that do need me to be there. Befor...

I looked so "boss" this morning. Which means I looked like I ruled it all. I looked really good. So good...I got looks. :) I've been feeling sick lately. But I felt pretty good this morning. Till around the afternoon. Work was a bit hectic in the morning. It's never good when you work for a web & graphic design company and the internet goes off. Not a good sign. What can we do with not internet! After work I went to Nicki's place to watch the Hockey game. When I was boarding at Commercial, a guy stands there before me and as he looks around our eyes catch and I smile at him. When we got off the train at the same station... he challenges me to race me down the stairs and next door across the street. I notice he is holding art supplies in a bag and a tool box. I laugh at him... I ask if he's an art student... he looks away and says no, that his girlfriend is taking a fashion thing. He then asks if I was heading there and if it was me that he saw the d...

I'm more sick than ever today than the last few days. My stomach hurts. I'm hitting the sack super early tonight. Curl up with a book. Tomorrow I've promised to go see Nicki and watch the Hockey game with him. I feel like throwing up. I feel like crying. Cause I hate feeling this way. Should I take a pill?

I have a strange sense of ... this is where I should be. I'm beginning to embrace the single-dome again. I've come to realize a couple of things. Why I did hate Trevor for a while. That whatever I had left in love and trust in men was given to him and I kind of feel like I don't have anything left. Whatever relationship I wish I wanted with Frankie, or Darren would have never worked because... though I have a lot of heart. The love behind it wasn't there. I assumed the worst already when going in, and simply had no more faith in Love to believe it would even turn out right. I knew my 26th year would be big, but I'm starting to get that sense of change I did when I was 15-16. When I took that one year to reflect. I'm older now, though the events of past relationships have made we weary, they have made me smarter in knowing what it is I want from a relationship. My problem is. There should be no doubts in love. That I should have more faith in Men. Faith in the f...

I'm noting this in my blog to remind me to watch this tonight. My friend referred me to watch this.... and I'm no considering to get the book

Started 4:20 pm end 4:59 pm = 39 mins I'm so tired now... and my cafs are sore. I wish I could have gone more but I started to feel sick arond 25 mins into the run which is a first. I'm starting to feel sick again, and therefore I'm running to make up for it. Today... didn't really help. but I hope to get my sexy sze body soon.

I felt this yesterday morning. Feeling sick to my stomach like I want to throw up. I thought it would pass and I feel it again this morning. Why and am I feeling sick again?! I was doing just fine for the longest time. I'm going to try to go get some more sleep. G'morning.

I was bored today and then my sister came and brought me over to her place. I watched the Avatar Movie, I don't know why I felt like I was watching a bunch of blue supermodel alien race war against humans who try to get something that isn't theirs to begin with. Then I watched Ponyo. It was a cute storyline of young love. The character I would say I loved the most was the mother. She was awesome in her understanding, love and she had to be great in how she raised her child to be so intelligent. Baby Ethan is cute. How he loves the kisses I blow to him and winks. He gets a little hyper each time I do it. But I'm glad I get to catch his smiles while I can.

I miss him, but I will no longer tell him that...for now. I'll bite my tongue. If my fingers long to text him a simple hello. I will hold my own hand. I'll take a grasp of my heart and force it to pump the blood through my veins as it chooses to stop. I want to hear his voice. I long to hear it. For now I'll sit in silence.

[ this is a random vent of the morning ... just a random thought ] Thank You. Thank you for breaking my heart and taking a piece of it with you when we parted. To those who I broke their hearts, know that ... those moments broke my heart too. Who I am today is better than when you once knew me, or of my love. I hope that my love was great and meant something to you when we did love each other. That you were happy. That's all that really matters. That us parting was the best for the both of us. The truth is I forgave you a long time ago. If I hated you and If my love and affection was an object. I would kick your ass to get it back. But it's not and I can't and I am just kidding. I've learned that I shouldn't hate you, because I'm awesome partly because you made me awesome. Therefore, I thank you. Time for me to become more awesome-er. Take Care, Much Love SYL

This pic was taken when I got caught in a middle of sun and rain. I don't know what to blog about today. Last night before I passed out I said what I was feeling with no hold backs. I messaged some friends at work, who kind of give me a little sass when I don't keep in touch with them time to time. I texted Darren about our dinner, to let me know when it's a good time for him. Though I miss him. Though I would like to be with him, see him. I wanted to call it off. I don't know why. He messages me back to re-schedule. I need to see the rainbow that lies between the saddest moments that life offers and the greatest moments we all experience. I think I may paint tomorrow. I wonder when I'll get my camcorder back from repair from Sanyo.  I think I'm going to do city walks Vancouver. Film the events of my self adventures. Too bad I strongly wish I had a companion to accompany me to these places. I watched most of the hockey game tonight. Drifting in and out o...

You know... I've been feeling sick on and off for the last few days...and it's now subsiding. I would feel anxiety for no reason and find myself at at shortness of breath. But besides that. I've been feeling... a flip of back and fourth between the ... I know what I need to do right now... I'm a strong person and I can get through a lot. I can succeed. Then there's the part of me... that just feels this sadness. I miss love. It's sad to know that I don't even if I can kiss someone and feel that shiver that melts the heart. I abandoned the thought of romance long ago because...I barely believe it exists anymore. Getting flowers at random, showing up at the front door because they just love seeing you and want to be with you. Random presents, random trips, random... Love. I've never had that... The shivers have left me, I don't even know if I can feel that in a kiss anymore. But when I do.... I know I still have love in me... It's all in the kiss...

I love sunny days :)  ...  a few days back I decided a few things in my head. When I go to work. I will dress ... like I work in an office. LOL . no more casual comfy stuff. Dress to impress cause you will never know who you run into. I wore heals this morning. I must say, this pair used to kill me a couple steps out of the house but I survived with them on for most of the day. Till I got home.. LOL .  This morning I was at the bus stopped and looked up at the tree that is bare most of the time of the year. I never noticed it was a blossom tree. It was so gorgeous I had to take a pic of it. Sorry .. they were taken with my iphone. Work was work. One other thing I said to myself I would do more often. Take pictures. May it be of random things. Me being a visual person and one who likes to communicate through word as well. I can't only just write my day. Visuals are pleasing as well. hahaha. More pics on my blogs :) .  At the end of my day today, I rushed downstairs ...

I can't explain why I have a headache throughout the most of the day today. Work was pretty hectic with my boss returning, only have him worry about me not being on my game. I'm sorry, but I've been on my game for a while. It's having to babysit and redo other people's work. I've been replying to clients as though they were my own. ~_~ So... There's one thing about me... I'm Talented. Extreme . and Capable. LOL... I want to curl up and cuddle up to a warm body. But not just anybody. I've been missing people. But I'm currently in that mind set where, I will hold my tongue and not tell people who I care for that I miss them. Perhaps somethings are better left .. unsaid.

I wake up tired. Of course when I didn't go to sleep till late, but I also woke up feeling a bit sick. I took some cute pics of myself last night with the macbook. too bad I didn't notice the yellowing of the skin around my eyes. I hope it's not a symptom of anything :(

It would go badly. But this is what I had to say to people who go from total ugly duckling to a duck... hahahaa nono.... People change, they have the ability to change physically. So never judge a book by it's cover. Don't pick on others in elementary or high school. Enemies can become friends and friends can become enemies. Losers can become winners and winners become losers.

There's one thing I noticed when I was walking him today. He likes to go up to people. He automatically assumes that everyone will love and pet him. I took my camera out today to shoot, didn't get a lot of anything but just one nice shot. A white cherry blossom tree is losing it's blossoms and blowing them down to the path on the walk. One nice shot can sometimes make the day. I miss the days when I took my camera out to take pics, but somewhere new and exciting. I kind of miss Toronto, taking pictures with Frankie. Or watching him take some pics. I even miss Bamfield, Bamfield was beautiful. The endless beach. Pachena Beach is the kind of place I kinda always imagined getting married, that is if I ever got married on the beach. LOL. That place was so...unreal to me. but I would want an outdoor wedding for sure. Maybe I'm just missing spending time with someone. I don't mind being by myself. It just sucks. Life's not meant to be spent on your own. You'r...

I cut my hair today. Trimmed it down a couple inches. I have to admit I kind of messed it up... But I fixed it the best I can... Maybe I should just find a hair stylist! hahaha... But the last time I did that they kind of messed up my hair. As I was changing my hair, I was thinking of change. How people were telling me how the Trevor, the X has changed. The more I was trimming I came to realize. What happens if he's just being who he really is NOW. And the guy before was never who he really was when he was with me. That he hasn't really changed at all, that he changed when he was with me. The person people are dissatisfied with at the moment is the real him. Just a thought. It's nice out today, should I go for another run? ugh... I'm feeling kind of sore. Maybe I should focus on my abs today. take the dog out for a walk. I want to paint, but I want to record it when I do, I'm waiting for the camcorder to return to me. I want to go see the sister, but as alway...

I sucked up the decision this morning to sign up for driving classes. The truth is I know if I relied on others in my family to teach me, I may never learn how to drive. So I'm sacrificing the ridicule I may get from them, some money and taking that big step forward. I did it and classes for me don't start until the first weekend of May. I thought I would be more nervous, I do feel bad having to go behind my fathers back to do it. But this is for me. I need to do this. I was chatting online this morning with a few of my friends. One tells me what my X's cousin filled her in on, that the family ( his family ) wasn't all to happy with what's going on with him. I texted with my X a couple of days ago. I already know the scoop. He's saving to move out and going on his Hawaii trip with his girlfriend... We've been separated for seven months, he's been with the new girlfriend for six and a half? I would think by now, if he's saving up for a place ( with/...

I fell asleep after my blog last night and woke up 3 am and was never able to go back to sleep. I feel pretty sad for some reason, when I know I shouldn't be. I should stop looking back and look forward... I should be grateful what I do have in life.....................but I just miss him . . .

Happy Birthday DY! ... I could only wish I could have spent it with you. *sigh* There were random memories that went through my head today. Mostly of the last guys I was seeing, or what not. The Greatest Guys I currently know. I was attracted to them on their own individual sense of ... I don't even know. What did I love about them that drew me to them? ... Thoughts of Today Of - DC - What he had confessed to me is still perhaps one of the most sweetest things I've ever heard. How considerate he is... is what got me and I wonder will I ever hear the same consideration and sweet 'train of thoughts' from any other guy. FL - His little quirks of him just being him makes me smile. His random Muay Thai kicks around the Condo and the hallways. The singing to the music that plays through out the store. The way he would stick his hand out, as though to wait for mine. ♥ I miss him sometimes, I come to think of him as close to the perfect package, but to me he was one I was ...

That's how I feel right now, No Power. No, the power went out today and I was bored. I re-recorded some songs realizing the other ones I spent recording the day before were bunk! when I heard them again i was like... why did I sing it that way?! I tried to work on one which was inspired by Darren, but I don't have all the lyrics for that song down yet. I did however create an awesome beat to it. I woke up this morning feeling a bit sad. But tonight as it's winding down to an end...I've been chatting with a few people I feel better. Making music also helped. I know I need to focus more on me more than ever. I have lots of plans on my list that I need to get done and build my foundation. Moving out on my own is going to be a big goal, I was looking into lofts and seeing what the average is to rent one, I love lofts. ♥ so I every time I picture it, I want it that much more.

I've been running around all day... but lets talk about yesterday. Last night I finally uploaded to flickr pics from my Bamfield Trip there are a few shots I took of Steve and Connie as they were together.. ♥ I love those ones the best. And the footprints one... I like that one too. http://www.flickr.com/photos/syloarts/sets/72157623659676495/ Today I first called into a Sanyo Service Center location... then I Skytrain there only to find out that they don't take "digital camcorders" they consider anything that takes digital still shots a "camera". He gives me a number to call and I sky-trained from Rupert to Brentwood where I went to deposit money into my account at the bank, then I sat down and call the headquarters of Sanyo Canada to get see what I should do. My Cammy is broken and I need it fixed. The operator I spoke with was so sweet! and helpful. I told him my problem and he said just send it in. Since the camera is fairly new. That it's free ...

Ahhh.. I'm not a pro. It's more like my dirty little secret. Singing and song writing. I can't sing very well, better than some, but I'm working on it... I know... But I have some kind of talent. If you heard some of my songs ... you'd know but only a handful or so of close friends have had the pleasure so... sorry blog, no dice! Well I just made three songs three days... _ re-sang two of them. Changing the songs. One new one. Produced the tracks to them ( background music ) ... frustrating recording when you hear tons of noise in the background from various people in the house... and the dog.. oh the dog how he snores! The last two songs are the most intense... I tried to pair some of my other old songs with some beats but... I think I have to re-think their tune... so they are good. The best one I guess is a toss between the last two songs. One I wrote a while back which was inspired by Frankie. It was so intense listening to that compilation of beats and stri...

I went out this morning for breakfast with Ben. We went to Ihop. I ordered one thing on the menu that had fruits ( not a huge selection ) but it was good. Strawberry Banana French Toast. We chatted about what's been going on. On the car ride home he tells me he felt abandoned by my lack of communication with him in the last two months. Though we were both very busy with work. I say to him that I knew he would survive without me. He had done it all the years without me since Asian Avenue days. LOL. Anyways. I get home to find the Desi Method released Shalini's song. It's so good that it inspires me all the time when I hear it. Then I get in motion of creating a beat today and then I wrote a song. Sang it ... recorded it. and that was that. I created a song today. At dinner however dad tells me that one of our great uncles passed away from the fight with cancer. I hesitate before asking what kind of cancer. He said of the large intestines. Then I ask what cancer grandpa h...

There's one thing about owing someone. You have some kind of obligation to them, no matter how much they hurt you... you still owe them. I spent most of this morning and afternoon wrapping up some design work. Now it's time to spring clean out the house. Not just my room, but the whole house... While designing today my dad comes down to talk to me again... I owe him a lot. But can't talk back if he says anything that continuously crushes my soul. He asks if me and Darren broke up already. I say, we're friends. He then goes and says I have a problem. I can make friends but I can't ever keep them. [ is it obvious Dad, or have the slightest clue that you may not know me at all? Or are you talking about relationships over all with a guy? ] He says I have to change my character, that I have so many BAD flaws as a person. [ He's crushing my heart even more, like I haven't taken enough this week ] He says I need to change and that he is going to need to teach...

I must say I'm so tired already... I've been trying with what ever energy I've been able to muster up since the last few days of emotional draining days. I was very much trying to get back to me. Focus on what it is I really need to do now more than ever before. Love is not love of someone, my love runs deeper than that to what it is I do. I've forgotten so many things lately...what I'm really all about was one of them. It's time to focus back to the business part of me. To keep building what it is I've been trying to build these last seven months. What I've been working towards. Downtown work seems to be more tedious of work that has nothing to do with design and is making me more weary if I want to stay there. I'm all about helping a company grow, but if my skill sets are not used to the best of it's abilities... it only makes me feel so wasted. That my energy is placed into doing other jobs of lesser value. I'm going to be re-focusing ...

I didn't sleep till late last night. Listening to music, seeing what's new. Getting myself in line.

It's been 10 videos since the last...