Friday, August 14, 2009

This Feeling I Can't Shake

I've been through heartbreak before. I've had a handful of failed relationships but this one however that just ended is by far the longest I've been in. I know what it means have someone break your heart. The world around you for that moment seems to just fall apart and all you think is about that person no matter how much you feel like you hate them, you can't. You only hate how they are making you feel, at that moment, at that time. I have yet to cry my eyes out to the point I hyperventilate since the last time I posted about it. But ever since the actual breakup little by little I keep feeling this feeling. It over took my yesterday afternoon and I've been feeling it ever since.

This is how it really feels like.

Someone's just stabbed me through the back with a giant icicle. Piercing my back, into my chest, through my heart and out of my chest. ( This is the best description I have for it. Since my last one last night. )

Why do I feel like this. I was OK, I am Okay. Am I really not? Do I need a really good cry.

I'm going to visit my art teacher today at the cemetery, I don't remember what day it was she passed away, but this year would be the tenth anniversary.

One of the many things that I was planning to do with Trevor was go to the cemetery. I was hoping to meet his grandma and he meets my art teacher. I know they've passed but for some reason this meant something to me. *now I'm tearing* GREAT... I just feel there was so many things we planned but didn't do......I feel SO STUPID. Is it so bad to think far ahead, not just for tomorrow?
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