Sunday, October 11, 2009

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago I wrote what I believed to be the meaning of life. Yes I kid you not. My train of thought has always been one that was mature. I'm quiet because I watch the world, people, emotions. I never shared my thought, my belief because I thought everyone will experience this and come to their own realizations, their own meaning of life. Who am I to say what it all means. It is different to everyone. This is my 16 year old mind seeing the world for what it was. Who I am, stems from these thoughts and beliefs.
Meaning of Life
I remember one night when I was lying in bed, with my eyes closed. I wasn't sleeping. Just lying there on my back breathing deeply and slowly. In my mind I was floating in deep space and all that I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding. BOOM boom BOOM boom. All of a sudden, all at once, all these questions filled my head referring to my past, present and future.

Why did you do this? Where are you heading? Where are you going to be in 10 years? Do you now how many people you've hurt? Do you know how many things you have achieved? How many people you've made smile? Did you change someone's life? Are you going to have children? ... etc.

When these questions disappeared, it was like waking from a nightmare. I was gasping for air, my eyes opened, I blinked once or twice, rolled on my side and closed my eyes again. I had that overwhelming feeling in my chest and I didn't know why. I started crying. I don't know why but I did. I realized as fast as those questions had aroused, I had answered them all just as fast. All in that split second, I knew it all. I knew and found my purpose, my meaning of life.

It is hard to explain. On paper or words, it is much more different than telling a story because this is not just any story but the story of your own life. It tells you who you are, it defines the very heart and soul of a human being and that is a very powerful entity. It defines the very heart and soul because it is the only thing that it questions. Where You Stand.

Control is a very important part of life. Knowing what you want and knowing what you need to survive. You have always held control over your own life, no matter what someone tells you. It may seem like you were a child, that you held no power to your own life cause your parents always told you what to do. Though you always held the key. The key to every door. The choice is of what doors to open and what doors to close. You control the very person that you are and your self-being. If someone reads your future, you are in titled to change it. You control your own destiny. You control what is right and wrong in your life. Though somethings you do not have the control over. You have the power of change. Knowing what you Want and Need is an essence. *Controlling Your Health. What you eat and what you feed your body is important. To poison yourself with things that may harm your body, you are not only harming your heart and soul but also the heart and soul of others. Knowing when you need more, when to say Yes and when to say No may change your life in ways you cannot imagine. *Emotional Control. When you let yourself cry, be happy, weak, strong. It defines who you are. If you have very good emotional control, you are a strong person. But if you are not well established with your self-being of your emotional control, you are either too emotional or too temperamental in what your reactions to situations may be. You may have a temper that you cannot control. At times that can get you out or in trouble, so be careful. Everyone must know this. Inside everyone, they have: A Little Child, A Wise Person, A Bitch / Jerk. Know when you let your little child inside you shine and play and when to put them away and take care of them. The child inside you is your weakness where you are most vulnerable. When people attack you and all you can do is cry. Letting yourself be struck down, you are letting yourself be a victim. Sometimes it is alright to let yourself be that inner child. To let yourself cry your eyes out. Sometimes it is not.

There is nothing denying the fact that you are that child that is precious in every way.

LOVE is ever so important in everybody lives. It can change in an instant with the wrong moves. With the right ones, it's the best thing in life. Mostly everybody holds love as an important aspect in his or her life. Of Course! Everyone needs companionship at one point in his or her life. Someone to show them love and to support them. Everybody has an ideal picture of his or her true love. The One. Understanding each other with unimaginable odds. Fulfilling the fantasies of their hearts and soul. Many value love highly and some play it like a game. Those who play the games are playing a very dangerous game. Taking chances and seeking the thrill that is deadly. An important aspect in life that creates large influences are friendships. There are people out there that over look this aspect. This Treasure. Friendship Companionship is one thing that everyone must feel. It is one thing that is most likely compared with love, a very similar thing. You can sometimes explain it with words, and sometimes you can never put it into words at all. It is a very complicated subject. Just Like Love. It is valued within everyone. Just like love it's unpredictable. Promises are made and some are broken. Sometimes in the end someone gets hurt. Knowing they ( your dear friend ) were intentionally abused or hurt, emotionally or physically OR if someone hurt you enough, you will always remember it is now a part of you. Sometimes someone feels the greatest love that they can ever experience, just knowing that someone cares, that someone really loves them. Because they are not your family, they are no way related through blood at all. It is just that feeling that someone truly will always be there for you. That someone is a friend that cares.

Nothing is meant to be confusing. It is not meant to play games. It is meant to let one understand.
The world is nothing as it seems. It all depends on the way that you look at it. A friend told me once, "people fear what they do not understand."  That is why people are educated everyday. We are taught values from our parents and teachers, skills that enable us to live life without fear but understanding. To live and make our own decisions wisely. The kind of decisions that may affect us for the rest of our lives. I believe that one must open up, relax, listen to their heart and understand what they need and want in life before making those heart to heart decisions. It can be a tough or forgiving world out there and it may be surrounded by hatred or love. Both of these are contradict each other and both are very powerful. They have already changed the lives of many and are going to continue to change the very lives of everyone else at one point in their lives. For the worst or the best. But to find the meaning of life, the beginning and the end, life and death. To understand these things you must embrace it. Neither is meant to be a punishment from God. It is not God that punishes people. It is people who punish people. Many in this world are quick to embrace the thought of life; a new birth and many are quick to reject the thought fo death, believing it is a cruel and harsh reality for life. It is all very simple. Life is death and death is life. Death is simply another way of saying, time to move on. The purpose of that person was meant to live. The message they were to deliver was completed. Having lived and understood their physical selves. That is the beginning and the end. But what is the soul purpose of everything that is in between?  The answer is everything and nothing. What answer do you want? It is most likely you will choose everything. Am I correct? Life is as it is. It has made you who you are today, every experience that you have been through has shaped you in every way to be strong, weak, loving and caring. For the ups of course there are going to be downs, but one mustn't give up if they want to succeed. Where are you heading if you were to give up the things that you ever desired? Giving up chances that you one day will regret.

Once and a while God will be kind and if you are willing to understand and accept your wrong doings ( regrets, doubts, fear, mistakes ) he will give you a second chance to make those wrongs _ right. Life will never simply hand someone everything that they ever desired on a silver platter. No matter how perfect they seem, how their life is filled with happiness or riches. If they all exist for all the wrong purposes and used to desecrate the lives of others. No matter how perfect they are, it will all fall apart. Life for them will be unfulfilled and true happiness would have been created by nothing that is truly from the heart of others but from the hands. Mere objects. If one lived and died having feared more than courage, hatred than love, denied than accepted and refused to understand. Then they never truly lived. Every single person on earth alone is responsible to choose the path of his or her own life. Other people around them that come and go are simply parts. Parts of their life, how significant those people are is up to his or her choice. That person should always remember that: That person is part of your life, you are also a part of theirs. Your happiness or negativity will rub off and can affect others.

My meaning of life is to experience everything and anything that I can. To live life to the fullest but still hold my head up with pride and honor. I want to be happy and share that with others. If I can make someone else smile for even a moment in a sad day, my day has been worth wild. If I can change how someone looks at themselves differently, for the best that they can ever be and grow up to be great and well known, my life has been worth wild. I want to be hope and happiness. I want to be the light. I want to guide those who are walking in the dark that are lost. I want to help them find their way. There is no doubt about it that I'm trying to succeed my goals in life. Though I am not all about cheery smiles and that giggly person. Most times I will give my utmost honest opinion when you ask something from me. If that is I think you can take it. But I was also taught in the way that somethings are better left unsaid. For happiness, I am already happy with my life. I have loved and felt love from others, some not as much as I hoped for, some more than I thought. I have made others smile and brightened up their day. I have made someone look upon themselves differently for the best. I have changed someones life. I am a good person. I am also a bad person. The rest of my life I will be happy, Glad. But for one moment if I were to give up my happiness, one moment in life for the happiness of someone else, I would do it. If I believe that you can be happier then I for that moment in life. I will let you be. I think everyone should share their happiness and hard times, no matter what they are. Someone else can help you out. They may understand, help you cope, comfort you and share your journey of life.

The other thing that people need to have through this journey of life is TRUST. This is not the type of trust that comes from the mind, that you think you can trust them. This is the kind of trust that comes from the heart. That you KNOW you can trust them. You can trust them with the most important thing that you hold power to the most. Your life. I trust many people and I believe many people trust me with their secrets. But secrets are never really secrets. Unspoken words are secrets, unknown doings and fantasies. So everyone has his or her own little secrets. I alone trust a lot of people, maybe simply I would like them to trust me too. To let them know I am a kind person.

That I am a person.~

 I'm now 26, My Meaning to My life has grown. I have simplified my thoughts. Live. Love. Grow.
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