Watching My Life Away

I spent some time yesterday - today watching on youtube Chinese Painting Videos. I just feel that I've wasted some time, watching my life away. Some are holding the brush wrong, destroying their brush, doing wrong strokes. Their coloration is off, water control is lacking and worst of all. People think their work is awesome. Yes I see that some styles are not the same as mine, but some basic rules in Chinese arts apply to all styles. I stop participating in art shows not only due to lack of time and focus, but the truth is the industry was being saturated by all these pieces of artwork that just don't stand up to par on my standards. They lack the heart. The one thing that I come to know is that when someone sees my art. I want it to actually stir some kind of emotion, it's not just another pretty picture. They all have some kind of meaning behind them. They aren't produced cause they're produced to sell and make money. Everyone I create has a meaning and emotion embedded in their strokes.
I'm debating if I should do HOW TO Chinese Painting Videos. But in all honesty I don't know how to translate some of the information that runs through my veins. There are basic rules in Chinese Painting. At least of my style. Control coloration, water control, brush control *one brush stroke makes a lot of difference* and respecting it. Composition, Meaning and Mimicry. There is that part of me that says I won't get the respect cause I'm still very young to the people that seem to be so interested in this art. They will look upon me and wonder what it is that makes me think that I'm better. I can't answer this question until they seen me paint and I explain in clear English. I don't just paint. I was taught to be a self sustaining Chinese Art Master. I can paint my paintings, mount the base layer and mount the silk edgings. Yes I was taught all of this.