Sunday, November 08, 2009

He Pushes Me To The Brink

I don't know what it is. How it always seems to end with me wanting to end my life or at least something close to it. I try my hardest to keep my wall up so my metal state can keep stable and strong but I wasn't made a robot.
I did what I needed to do today, set up Hot Pot, all the food, cut this cut that etc. with the help of cousin LX here and there. When it comes time to everyone gathering and eating my dad first starts commenting on me and how stupid I am. On the dip concoction that I always make. He says I'm stupid, when in reality he has never tried it himself if it's good. Later on near the end of my meal, he comments how irresponsible I am on my eating habits that I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. I had just finished off plate full of veggies. My dad has no idea who I really am. How in the morning sometimes on my way to work I will drop by a salad-loop and pick up nearly 12$ worth of veggies and fruits to eat. Just cause he doesn't see me doing it, doesn't mean I don't do them. I muster up what ever courage I have to leave the dinner table gracefully and quietly, wash the dishes on the verge of tears and come to my room to blog and shed whatever tears I need to shed to get over this situation. I am always pushed to the brink.
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