Thursday, January 07, 2010

Am I Slimming?

Without working out? I think in the last 4-6 days I've dropped a couple pounds. I'm not too sure. I put on my tights this morning and I scrunch my face. They're loose. It's a size small- medium how can they be loose? Maybe It's just me. But then again I look at my legs and I think to myself. Have they gotten slimmer as well? They look skinner than I last remember. Then again there's been this thing with me lately like when I look in the mirror, I don't even recognize me. I've been 115 for 3 months now and I'm still not used to looking at me. Just not too long ago I thought to myself as I was video editing... When did I get dimples? Have I always had dimples? I put on my boots this morning. The ones that usually hug my caffs so sexy and again. They are loose as well. What's going on? Maybe it is just me. Through out the day today I look down to my legs as I went to washroom and sat there on the toilet. I looked at my ruffled tights around my knees. I stick one or two fingers into my boots. I wonder am I slimming?

This morning I was feeling fantastic as I walked to the bus stop. I was so glad no nauseous feeling. I text my face book. ( I started to feel a bit sick on the train ) I go and buy breakfast at the salad loop and fruits too. I eat nearly all of it but for a handful of things and leave it for lunch. I work away at work and when it got to lunch time I finish the rest of what was left from breakfast and I head out to urban market across the street for some snacks. ( I was starting to feel sick again, I had to eat something, thinking it might curve the sickly feeling ) Digestive biscuits, a Bolt House fruit drink and I bought a box of the pink pocky and some chocolate covered almonds. I didn't eat the pocky. But I did snack a little on the digestive cookies and the juice and a little bit of the chocolate covered almonds. Though I was getting full, I was getting sick soon after again. This time it lasted till I left work. I make my way to the train station, I hear Jugo Juice guy's voice and see him walking out and around his counter. He spots me and I smile and wave goodbye. He waves back and says bye, I respond to him saying bye in return. *sigh* Jugo Juice guy, you are beautiful. I make my way to the train. I walked around the mall. Looked and tried on party dresses. You know the adult dresses for get together where some girls look so fabulous in. Well not me. It's the hardest thing. Nothing my boobs don't like to ruin. I walk around the mall some more, I go into La Senza, which by the way has become one of my favorite shops. I don't know why I'm so attracted to buy lingerie now, I'm not even seeing or going out with anyone. Maybe cause of the fact it actually makes me feel sexy when I wear it. All about the feel of that power. LOL. Well when I was in there a girl who works there asks me where I got my boots from. I think for a second and respond. Sterling. She was shocked and goes on to say her legs are skinny too and she's been looking for boots to fit her but hasn't found the luck. @_@ . I look at her legs. They are skinny. Her words reassures my thoughts of this morning that my legs are skinny! I feel ... I don't know. A little down by this comment. I walk out of the store cause I'm too tempted to buy lingerie, but if I do I'll only feel lonely cause I have no one to wear it for. *sigh* . I walk around and make my way to bed bath and beyond. I look at bed duvet covers and wonder if I should buy a nice one. But the ones I like are all WHITE. I think I have to shop around. I look at shower curtains and spot an awesome one. If I had my own place I would so get it! It's of all the different faces you can make online using the semi colon and colon and brackets and what not. Here I took a pic of it. Ben texts me and we chat a little. I tell him about feeling sick again and he tells me to take care of myself better. I tell him the truth, that I've always been like this off and on. Doesn't really matter what I eat, I get sick after. I don't know what triggers it. But I do watch it. What I eat more than before. I do break the rules but after chatting with Lan for a while during lunch at work. I'm starting to think maybe I should just stick to liquids for a while. To flush out whatever maybe making me sick. And if it's nothing I can flush out. I really have to book that appointment for that full check up. That reminds me. I got the paper to fill out for my health benefit from work. I'm waiting for the house to quiet down before I start to re-record the song I sang last night. Giving it all this time. I didn't realize how bad it was yesterday till I heard it again when I got home. I need voice lessons. I want to learn how to sing properly so I CAN sing.

This song I'm trying to record, is one inspired by DC.
I'm still waiting for DC. My hearts starting to ache a little now, I don't think it's good news for me at all. but I can't lose faith. Never lose faith in love. I thought to myself today. Someone should be or not be with someone of who they are as a person, they shouldn't be judged on the basis of who they've been with ( as in past relationships ). To Trev, I think about how he always keeps asking me why one of his friends, why I can't find some other guy. My answer to that is. Every guy is different, I can see great attributes in guys that make me question why they are still single. But it's very rare for me to come across a guy that I think is great to the point that I want to be with them. I realized now that I never want to settle for just close enough, when it comes to going into a relationship and finding the right one. DC just fits so many qualities that are in a guy that I want to be with that I'd be an absolute fool not to try. I'll wait a little longer, stretch faith out a little longer. Sing my heart out.
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