Friday, September 04, 2009

Another Dream Of TT

I wake up on my stomach at 5:50am on the dot according to the clock on the wall that reads "6:00 AM". I've fallen asleep with light on again, my contacts still in and the "Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy" Main Menu is Playing Continutously on the DVD and on my TV screen. I've just woken up from another dream of TT.

Just as though my physical reality is ready and aware, prepared to let go of us. It seems as though my sub-conscience is not. The last ten minutes of my dream was strange. VERY STRANGE. All I can say is:

I'm walking towards some mall, in my dream it looks like Royal, the one that is right at Burrard Station. I don't cut through the station, but I walk up it's stairs to the street level and I'm with my cousin LX. Cross the street and enter the mall through the street entrance. The mall has completely changed as I enter it, I don't know where I really am. We walk around and find a restaurant to eat at, I walk around the restaurant and I am in search of someone or something, I make my way to the bar. I order drinks. Alcoholic drinks. My Friend from AI is there ( Although we were not that close in school, I really don't know why she's there in my dream ), she pushes me away from the Bar. I try to make it back to where ever it was I had a table in this restaurant. I see Trevor, it's more like he found me and I turn to talk to him and ask him a bunch of questions only for him to say that he can't talk to me. What is strange is that he is physically telling me that he can't talk to me, and keeps saying that he can't. And says something strange like, "She's watching me." He has drawn a serious of pictures for me to flash me messages. Even though I had remembered when I started typing this dream out, I have already forgotten what one of the drawings said. All I remember about the drawings was that they were very child like in marker colors such as brown. I tell him again to just talk to me and he proceeds to tell me that he can't. I ask him is it because of another girl? he says nothing and I walk away. I am crying in my dream, in a constant question of WHY. I see an old friend across from some kind of wooden walk way of the restaurant. I call out to her, FAZIA, I had not seen her forever, my friend from high school. She doesn't hear me and goes on her way. I head towards the exit doors at street level that face Burrard Street Station. The Ground Now is filled and cover with snow, I'm relieved to see it and start heading even faster than before outside. There is so much so that a lot of it had flooded through the doors. My cousin is a head of me, I shout to her "This Is Snow!" I run by a pile of snow before walk out into the street, my right hand reaches down and my finger tips brush it's light surface. It's cold to the touch. I am so happy to see snow and my cousin is astonished when we walk out into the snow covered streets of Downtown Vancouver.

I wake up with the question of why I see him again in my dreams. In my physical reality I have realized that holding on to what is no longer there and the hopes that we can be again is unhealthy. I feel sick to my stomach.

Are Boys Like Drugs? ( Why do I think of it this way? )
There are the kind of drugs that are good for you, that help you become better and stronger. To live out your life healthy.
There are the bad kind of drugs that are addicting, they change your lifestyle. You find yourself living for that fix of them. It feels so good with that drug when in reality it's poison. The aftermath is worse than ever and in reality when you pull yourself away from it, you come to realize you're better off without it.

Happy Birthday Trevor. Goodbye.
I'm going back to sleep.
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