Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Assumptions Of Who I Am

On My Lunch Break:
I'm realizing more and more that I really need to be more ... protected. Though I blog, everyone must realize that I don't blog about every little detail that happens through out my day. I don't think anyone can. My memory isn't that great. If someone reads someone elses diary. Regardless if it's in a book or online. There is one realization the reader has to understand. This is NOT the definition of who that person is. This online journal, though a very much a part of me, is not the definition of who I am as a person. I can go from the little fantasy dreamy girl, to the serious artist and the business minded one in a flip of little switches. I don't write full descriptions and don't blog photos of everyone I meet and who I'm with because of the fact that I very much love my friends ( new or old ) and have chosen to protect them to a certain degree. Family members are blogged because this online diary was started on one of those basis. Family. So time to time they can look in and see that I'm doing just fine.

The more better I'm feeling these days the more I realize I have to get my routine back. I've been slacking to many weeks due to the fact that I've been having to deal with ME. All those that truly know me, know I have lots of projects going all at once, that I'm always in a constant motion of moving forward. Now more than ever. The last few weeks that I've been sick I was on pause! Taking it easy. Focusing on my health, something I had put back for the longest time. I let myself be open. Be let down and stressed out. I opened up to a couple of people, perhaps more than I should have opened myself up to. Some seem to get too comfortably close for my liking, wanting more than I can provide them. Some cross an unseen line without knowing and I step back to protect myself. In doing so, they take offense. I can't be all bubbly all the time, people have to realize that's very much my inner child showing itself. When I feel uncomfortable or to the point I know I have to protect myself even in the slightest way. My inner child will be protected by my inner wise woman. I step back from relationships with people to protect not only myself, but others as well. To dissolve any misunderstandings or miss-communications that may have arose. But wise woman seems to give off a different signal and people jump to the assumption of who I really am. I've been attacked by the opposite sex in different ways and have learned to shut off and cut off at a certain point, just to protect myself.

It's hard to maintain relationships on my end, when so many people are constantly bidding for my attention. That's why I was such a little mouse all the years back. I very much enjoy relaxation time to myself, and devote time to my family, true friends and loved ones. To focus on me as I push MY life forward. I'm not trying to build a life, I'm trying to build my empire... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAA *evil laugh* *cough* *cough* no.. I'm just trying to make history. ♥
Post a Comment