Saturday, January 16, 2010

Feeling Better!

Yesterday~ In the morning I woke up wanting to vomit. I wanted to vomit on the bus. But I didn't, I make it to work alright. I get some salad from the Salad loop and what not and just went about my day at work. I talk to Ed on msn about how I was feeling and he seemed so upset with me trying to convince me to get off work and just get checked out. I will book a day off next week and go. It's time to find out. I was supposed to work half day but ended up working the whole day and then some! which totally sucked. I finally hear from DC, who's in Whistler. I feel I've been ignored for about more than a week. Why am I still holding on to faith. I guess cause I can't picture myself with him. A part of me believes we may never even be now. Me being me, I'm always working on a plan B. I really can't just FALL, and just keep falling. That's just flipping stupid. I've worked my heart to be stronger than that. Plus, I'm starting to fall back into single-dom. What does this mean. I'm putting myself out there again, looking with my eyes wide open. Meeting new people. The thing with me is that I have no problem meeting guys. I don't think I ever have, it's meeting the right guy. That GREAT GUY.
My Great Guy!

Today ~ I wake up and check my messages. I get good morning messages from friends. :) tehehe I have come to love morning messages.( FL - this is your fault! you spoiled me during our time together! LOL. jkjk. ) I feel a little broken about ending my friendship with someone who seems to be wanting more than I can ever really give to him. I really want him to rebuild his life and become that great man I see him to be in my eyes. He has so much potential, so much love to give. But like I said, I don't feel that I can be the one to return the same. Not now anyways. I head out to and meet up with my friend Ben who takes me to Dim Sum with some of his ex-co workers. I must say, this was perhaps the most entertaining lunch I may have ever had. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard over a meal, wait, I do, it was also with Ben. Hmmm. Interesting, I guess Ben is a fun one to be around. We end lunch and go to Voltage and I get the big giant doughnut. I've been eyeing for sometime. I don't know if I should give it to my sis for baby Ethan, I have a big temptation to keep it for myself.

It's pretty awesome. We hit up Metro, we walk around and get what we need to get. I bought baby clothes for baby Ethan. Ben bought a pair of pants. In and out. We head back home and get BBT on the way. We talk and I come to realize that Ben has the same train of thought in thinking about life. We always have to have a goal. We always have to be striving for SOMETHING. I don't see this in a lot of guys and the truth is, when I don't, It's a turn off! He tells me I very much have an application form as I'm looking for a guy. I think about what he says. I wonder is it bad to have a set of qualifications already in mind when I'm looking for a guy. Is it that bad to know what it is I want?  He tells me some guys will change to meet them, that I would never know. ( I see what he's trying to say. ) For me, there are just some commonalities I do wish for a guy to have. I've come to realize as he drops me home that I really just want to meet new people right now. Life is Short. I remember my deal to myself. That I won't commit into a relationship till I know... you know... that I'm 100% okay.

I go and visit my sister and baby Ethan. He seems to look like her more. It's incredible. I watch her with the baby. I see the photos of her and Pete on the walls. In my heart I want that. I thought I had that, but I never really did.
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