Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Nerve

I'm trying my best of the best to be happy now, not to let people like... my father get to me.
He knocks on my door today in the late afternoon and asks me if I've read the email that was received from my aunt. I said of course I have. He then goes off and hands me the printed out email that is comprised of two sheets of paper stapled together. He tells me that he can't believe how bad the English is in this email and gives it to me to edit. He tells me that he wants to see how awful "my English" is and at what standards it is currently at. In my heart this feels like a direct slap in the face. It really does. This show me that my father thinks I'm stupid. no no, let me rephrase that, believes I'm not good enough.

I've never been good enough for him to be honest. I've never felt like I was ever good enough, smart enough, talented enough, skinny enough and worthy enough for anything to him. I truly believe that he should just love me for me and accept me for me. Smart / dumb, skinny / fat, talented / untalented. He should love me and accept me because I'm his daughter. But we all know the world and the lives we live are not all perfect.
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